Come and Find Me (2016) - Review

Review:

*Originally written November 28th, 2016*

Aaron Paul is an actor I adore. He was part of the heart and soul of Breaking Bad and gave one of the finest performances in TV history, but he really needs and deserves better film roles.

Come and Find Me is a dumb, uninspired and bland thriller. Paul's girlfriend goes missing one day and he's goes on a year long search to find her, but she wasn't who she says she was. This whole thing goes to such silly places that I wasn't expecting. 

It feels like the second film to riff on Gone Girl this year (Along with the painfully average The Girl on the Train), but once again it is nowhere near engaging as David Fincher's deranged masterpiece. This is a fairly cheap and by the numbers VOD thriller.

Paul gives a reliable performance as always, but everything feels so dull and it gets more stupid till it reaches boiling point with a very unsatisfying ending. Sometimes VOD films can give you hidden gems, other reasons it shows why it didn't make it to theatres. Come and Find Me is another one of those films that it's not surprising it didn't hit theatres.


Come and Find Me is a disappointing thriller and a waste of the talents of Aaron Paul, who really should just stick to TV unless he gets a decent film role. Because as it stands, his best post-Breaking Bad role is Need for Speed....


3/10 Dans

Come and Find Me is out now on DVD in the UK
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The Accountant (2016) - Film Review

Review:

*Originally written October 19th, 2016*

While a bit silly, overlong and gets convoluted by the end, I still had a good time with The Accountant. It's a bit messy and all over the place, there's a few story lines that don't add up to much, but it was still a decent little genre film with decent, new and interesting ideas.

Ben Affleck was great, delivering a fairly grounded performance which may or may not be an accurate portrayal of autism (I'm not an expert), his comedy and physical work was also excellent. Anna Kendrick was pretty wasted in a thankless and underdeveloped role. J.K. Simmons was excellent.

I was happy with the pretty brutal action throughout. No bullshit shaky-cam. It was all smooth and impactful. I was surprised by just how funny the film was though, Affleck gave us some excellent laughs with his dry dead-pan humour.

I feel my biggest problem with this film could have been fixed with a shorter edit. While the main side-plot gives us some background on Affleck's character, it really had no impact on the story and could have been dropped. There's also some silly twists towards the end that came out of nowhere, creating a very tonally messy film in retrospect.

But, for the most part: Solid. Would happily see a sequel and more adventures from Affleck's character.

7/10 Dans

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Bad Santa 2 (2016) - Film Review

Review:

*Originally written November 25th, 2016*

Bad Santa 2 is another one of those belated sequels that not many people had been asking for, well, they did, but that was 13 years ago when the first came out. 13 years later and the belated release of Bad Santa 2 is just another film to add to the list of sequels that were too much, far too late. It joins the 2016 list along with Zoolander 2 and Independence Day 2.

Taking place 13 years after the original, our protagonist hasn't changed much. He's still a foul-mouthed miserable alcoholic and a sex addict. It's just that all of the charm is gone by this point. Billy Bob Thornton still gives a game performance, but the character just feels charmless and unfunny this time.

We hit a lot of the same notes as the first, but in a more bitter, cynical and mean-spirited way. Think The Hangover: Part 2, which hits a lot of the same beats as the first, but ramps up the humour in a more nasty way. It tries far too hard with its political incorrectness, which should feel like a breath of fresh air in this oh-so politically correct and sensitive world we live in now, but it's not. It's just bitter and horrible. 

It also feels very cheap. While the first was hardly a masterpiece of cinematography, it at least had some visual style and its own voice. This feels like it was directed by anybody and almost felt straight to DVD.

This time we're joined by Willie's toxic mother played by Kathy Bates, who is just a charmless racist. They attempt to shoehorn in the same time of heart with the first by bringing back Thurman (The Kid from the first), who is now in his 20's, but the cute naivety of the character is gone and this time it feels like they made him closer to mentally challenged than innocent. Christina Hendricks is here as the new love interest, although shes' completely wasted and degraded by this material, which is a shame as she's an actress capable of much better.


Everything here feels like it aims to offend. It's rampant in the nihilism that made the first so great, but it just doesn't work this time. From it's double suicide attempt opening to its predictable and by the numbers ending, it was all just a vapid and pointless exercise and just another piece of evidence that not all belated sequels work.

4/10 Dans 

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Ratchet and Clank (2016) - Film review

Review:

*Originally written May 3rd, 2016*

I was fairly excited for Ratchet and Clank when it was first announced back at E3 a few years ago, I'm a huge fan of the video games, so I was praying to god that they could make a good film out of it. With the creative team behind the video games working on the film, I was hoping that this could be the adaptations that breaking video game movie curse. It sadly wasn't.

Based on the first game in the series, Ratchet and Clank tells the story of Ratchet, a mechanic and last of his species who dreams of bigger things and wants to join the Space Rangers, a universe defending team. He gets his chance at this when he meets Clank, a small robot with information about an insane villain who wants to destroy the universe or something.

This franchise was always Pixar brought to life in video game form, so it was pretty ripe for an animated film. So it is such a shame that this fails to capture that magic that Pixar usually conjure. The look of game is captured pretty well. The animation does look pretty and the characters and design all look excellent.

Maybe I'm just getting old and cynical, but this was just a pretty run of the mill kids film filled with lame humour and childish gags. I know this is a kids film, but in all honesty, the target audience is people my age (18-20) who grew up playing the games. I'm not saying that it needed to be full of swearing and violence. I just expected funnier jokes than the cheap slapstick we got here.

It tells the same story the first game and the new one (Which is much better than the film). The voice cast from the game all the return, which was nice, including some voice work from Sylvester Stallone and John Goodman. 

The characters are the only real thing that saves the film from utter garbage. Ratchet and Clank are likeable as ever and Captain Qwark is still hilarious and everything that comes out of his mouth is gold, he's basically Zapp Brannigan from Futurama. 

This whole thing just felt like a cheap and cynical ploy to promote the new game. There's no heart or soul to this film at all. It runs at 90 minutes, but still feels so much longer. I wanted it to end so many times throughout.

One of the things that makes Ratchet and Clank so great is the creativity of the weapons, but there is nothing here apart from some guns that make no more than a cameo. All the action itself is flat and uninventive with no emotional weight either. It was all just so bland.


Ratchet and Clank isn't the video game movie adaptation you were hoping for, which is just a shame. It's just a cheap and cynical cash-in to promote the new game. The director of this is also directing the Sly Cooper film, my faith in that has dwindled.

4/10 Dans

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Loving (2016) - Film Review

Review:

*Originally written February 8th, 2017*

I wasn't massively excited for Loving, the trailers made it seem very Oscar baitey, but I did love Jeff Nichol's other film from 2016 'Midnight Special' so I went in with some expectations. And Loving was far more meaningful and heartfelt that I imagined it would be.

It tells the story of a shameful time in American history. An interracial couple are treated awfully, arrested even purely for the fact they of a different race. It is disgusting and blood boiling seeing and knowing people who love each other were treated like this for such nonsensical reasons.

One of my worries about this is how unsubtle I thought it would be. I imagined the audience would be beaten over the head with the theme of this, but it didn't. It all felt real and the opposite of flashy. It's engaging and meaningful, but quiet and poignant at the same time.

This is mostly due to Joel Edgerton's performance, who was great. He was really quiet, mumbled and subdued. There's no moments of over the top rage and anger, it's all restrained and made it far more believable. Ruth Negga was also fantastic as the wife, really earning her nomination with her sad and strong performance.

I really wish the film dedicated more time to developing the couples relationship. There are some really strong and genuinely moving moments, like a brief scene with them sat on the sofa together laughing at the TV that really got me invested in their love, but there's not a lot of this and most of the film focuses on the variety of different obstacles they have to go through in order to make their marriage legal with the help of a lawyer who takes their case for free.

What I really loved is how unsentimental and unmanipulative this felt. Films like this tend to bash you over the head with big emotional moments, but here it all felt earned and natural. The end is a real gut-punch that I didn't see coming and just a sad bit of reality added to what this couple had to endure. It just left me feeling dead inside.


Loving is a powerful and understated drama with fantastic lead performances and real emotional weight. A really pleasant surprise I didn't see coming.

8/10 Dans

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London Has Fallen (2016) - Film Review

Review:

*Originally written March 4th, 2016*

Olympus Has Fallen was a surprise hit back in 2013 and one of two 'Die Hard in the White House' films, it was also the better of the two, and the best 'Die Hard' film of that year. It wasn't high art, it was a fun, trashy and violent '90s throwback that served its purpose.

I don't think anyone expected a sequel to happen, but lo and behold, 3 years later, London Has Fallen. It's more or less the same, but bigger and better than I expected. Again, not saying it was great, it just served that gap of high-budget violent action that seems to have died with the '90s.

This time the action moves to London after the death of the Prime Minister, bringing all the world leaders to the city for the funeral. But the whole thing is a trap set by an arms dealer looking for revenge, leaving Secret Service agent Mike Banning and the president on the run for safety on the streets of London.

Its absurd and insane, none of it makes sense if you think about it for more than 4 seconds. The plot is paper thin and the film embraces that, it just takes the excuse for action and runs with it. 

Gerard Butler is reliable as ever as the arguably sociopathic and psychotic Secret Service agent Mike Banning. Honestly, this guy is our hero and he is one sadistic motherfucker, he seems to genuinely take pleasure from killing and torturing faceless Middle Eastern's. That said, he is a lot of fun in the role and has some solid one liners and chemistry with Aaron Eckhart's president. This are the sort of roles Butler is best at, not stuff like 'Gods of Egypt', which comes out next month in the UK and I will most likely end up seeing, but let's be honest, it looks garbage.

In terms of action, I think I might have preferred this to Olympus, the elaborate opening attack was pretty spectacular in terms of scale and destruction and it all runs at beautifully paced 90 minutes. They even did the whole long take thing with the last action scene, which everyone seems to do these days, it was impressive and far above what these films usually do, so I gotta give it that.

The weirdest thing about this sequel is that the events of the first film were never acknowledged. The president acts like this was the first time he's been around violence when Banning chokes a man in front of him, which was strange considering he saw people get executed right in front of him a few years before. Whatever, I guess this isn't really the film series for character development.


Urm yeah, London Has Fallen is pretty much what you would expect, a violent and fun action film that was stolen from the '90s at feels in the wrong era, but still just a blast. They leave the door open for a third too, and I wouldn't say no to more adventures of Mike Banning.

7/10 Dans

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Jack Reacher: Never Go Back (2016) - Film Review

Review:

*Originally written October 21st, 2016*

Wow. That was not good. While the first Jack Reacher is hardly a masterpiece, it was at least fun, had some decent action and an engaging story. Never Go Back has none of that. It's a bland, boring and forgettable thriller that barely goes above the level of straight-to-DVD fodder.

Nothing about this film is above mediocre. Sure, Tom Cruise does his usual thing, but something feels off about his performance. He's nowhere near as commanding as he was in the first. All the detective work and mystery elements are gone in a favour of a boring "Go here, fight people" loop until the story fizzled out and ended. 

I really expect more from Edward Zwick, who has made some really great stuff, but this feels like it was a made by anybody. None of the action had any lasting effect. I saw this an hour ago and I honestly cannot recall any of the action.

The story is pretty straight-forward, lacking any real surprises compared to the twisty fun of the first. There's also a completely tacked on sub-plot involving Jack Reacher's maybe daughter that could have been cut completely. It felt long and boring at 2 hours, maybe cutting out this 20 minutes could have improved things. I'm not sure what the point of her was, especially considering the ending.

Werner Herzog might not have been an amazing villain, but he at least had a memorable presence. No one here had an impact. There was a guy from Prison Break and some henchman who seems to have a complete hatred for Reacher and I'm not entirely sure why?


The biggest problem with Never Go Back is that it just feels formulaic. If Jack Reacher was a TV show, then Never Go Back would be a forgettable episode that you won't remember after you watch it. A complete shame and the probable nail in the coffin for the potential Jack Reacher franchise, but then again, who knows. Maybe this'll do big business at the box-office and we get a director who does something interesting for a third.

4/10 Dans

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Sully (2016) - Film Review

Review:

*Originally written December 2nd, 2016*

Much like every film Clint Eastwood has directed in the past ten years, Sully left me cold with its flat and lifeless direction of a true life story. It truly was a fascinating true story, but thanks to Eastwood, it all just felt very pedestrian.

Tom Hanks bring some life to Sully, the titular pilot of the film who landed the fated flight into the Hudson river and saved everyone on board. The problem was that Sully just wasn't an interesting person, at all. He's such a bland, straight-laced person. Which I suppose might be the point, but it doesn't make for a very compelling lead character. Either way, it's just impossible to hate Tom Hanks.

The narrative is told through a very weird and non-linear timeline. We jump from pre-crash, to crash. to post-crash in a very messy way with no sense of pace. In the middle of the film we get a half hour flashback to the actual plane crash, which comes out of nowhere. Sully's sitting in a bar, then we get a scene that takes about a third of the film. None of it flowed well at all. Reminded me a little of Batman V Superman.

Aaron Eckhart really does steal the show with his magnificent moustache. It really was a wonder to look at. He gets some of the films funniest lines and brings levity to the situations, although he does have the last line of the film, which was one of the weirdest and most abrupt ending I've seen all year. It ends on this weird punchline and everyone erupts into laughter for what seems like an eternity, like it's the funniest thing they've ever heard, then it just quickly fades to black and ends. It was bizarre.

At the very least, the actual landing scene carries a certain tension and feels real. Although a lot of the passengers were annoying. This was the closest Sully got to the something great, but then they ruin it by showing the crash twice in two separate sequences. It was meant to show one scene from the cockpits point of view and then the passengers, but showing it twice really dragged things out and it lost all its impact the second time. I feel it was only done to drag out the very short 90 minute run-time.


There really is nothing special about Sully, it's not without its moments and Tom Hanks gives a usually reliable performance, but it just felt like another one of those flatly directed, bland and Oscar baity biopics.

5/10 Dans

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Moana (2016) - Film Review

Review:

*Originally written December 2nd, 2016*

Despite having a fairly by the numbers story. You know, it's the usual, chosen one is needed to save her village and bring peace and order back. It pretty typical stuff, but some decent songs, great characters and beautiful animation go a long way to help overcome Moana's by the numbers plot.

What keeps this at least a little different from the other Disney films is the different culture and ethnicities. I'm having a hard time recalling other films that have covered Polynesia, but hey, Disney did here and it made for a great change of scenery.

Where Moana excels is in its characters. Moana is another great and strong female lead from Disney. While The Rock provides great comic-relief as the less than heroic demi-god who has moving tattoos on his body. There's also some decent, if not entirely memorable songs that keep things going. I wasn't expecting this to be a musical, so that threw me a little bit.

It also covers Disney's recurring theme this year of mentally challenged animals. The chicken in this reminded me a lot of the bird from Finding Dory, which was also fully mentally challenged. Like full-on. I'm not sure what Disney are going for with these characters. It at least provided a few laughs.

I seem to say this with every released Disney film, but they once again prove themselves to be the kings of animation. This truly was a visually beautiful and inventive film. The character designs are awesome, the locations look incredible and my god, the photo-realistic water blew me away again. I'll once again mention the moving tattoos on The Rock's character, as they really did steal the show.


Moana might not be the most groundbreaking Disney effort, but it's another solid entry with great characters, a simple story and some truly incredible animation.

7/10 Dans

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David Brent: Life on the Road (2016) - Film Review

Review:

*Originally written August 22nd, 2016*

"Gervais. Stop."

If there’s one thing I’ve learned from watching Ricky Gervais’ latest film, David Brent: Life on the Road, it’s that David Brent was never what made The Office truly great. While he was a likeable and misguided buffoon, he had a heart that brought an emotional core to the show, but it was the rest of the cast that brought balance to the show. Life on the Road is 90 minutes of non-stop David Brent in your face, and it is insufferable.

Life on the Road takes place several years after Brent’s run on The Office and a documentary crew catch up with him as he takes a month away from his job as a tampon salesman in order to take his band ‘Forgone Conclusion’ on the road in one last effort for a shot at fame.

Ricky Gervais still plays David Brent to near perfection, he’s just as pathetic, embarrassing and cringe-worthy as he was in the early 2000s. For the first 20 minutes I was in a state of euphoria, I was loving it. While Gervais’ recent output has been anything but good, I was really hoping he could bring it back with the revival of his most loved character. And he did. For 20 minutes.

Before Brent actually goes on tour, things seem great and hopeful. The jokes come thick and fast, they mostly all land, but then it hits a slump that it never recovers from and being with Brent is insufferable. I will admit I wasn’t the most positive about going to see Life on the Road, but I never wanted it to be bad. But spending 90 minutes with Brent and his annoying laugh is a tedious chore that should have never left its 20 minute segments on TV.

There are a few moments of greatness littered throughout and there some really, really good songs. ‘Don’t Make Fun of Disableds’ was a highlight, and we once again get to hear ‘Equality Street’ from the Red Nose Day special. This was all fine, but when the focus shifted from the gig to Brent, things came tumbling down.

My biggest disappointment was with what they tease us with, but never explore. We early on discover that Brent has been clinically depressed, been in therapy and is on anti-depressants, which would have made for far more interesting material than him desperately trying to cling to fame. These elements are talked about in all but two scenes then are quickly discarded like it’s not important. Any time they go anywhere near interesting or dark, they back away in favour of crude and cringe-worthy humour, which was frustrating to say the least.

In terms of Brent’s arc throughout. None of it is earned. His band members hate and find him annoying at the beginning, refusing to drink with him unless they’re paid, but do a complete 180 in the final moments which felt completely unnatural and weird. There was no real reason for this character change. I feel Gervais bullet pointed that at the beginning of the film the band hate him, but at the end they like him, but he completely forgot to write why this happened. It was very lazy and a way to force an emotional moment for the audience that didn’t work at all.

The lack of characters from The Office was very disappointing too. I know this a David Brent film and not an Office film, but aside from a couple of references to gags from The Office, it added an extra layer of disappointment that Brent doesn’t even mention or stay in contact with any of the characters from The Office. Which is pretty much against everything the perfect Christmas special delivered. It was all just depressing, I’m not saying a forced cameo from Tim, Dawn, Gareth or Finchy would have helped things, but some acknowledgement would have gone a long way.


I’m really in the camp that Stephen Merchant should have been part of this . While Brent is Gervais’ baby, Merchant has been there since his inception and really helped mould the character to what  we saw in The Office, without him, it all just fell flat. I wouldn’t say I “hated” Life on the Road, but I wouldn’t say it’s a good film at all, it is definitely  bad, disappointing, annoying and a far cry from the once great work from Gervais such as The Office and Extras. There’s a certain irony to all this. Gervais has practically become Andy Millman from Extras, a sellout trying to milk characters that should have stayed buried. It’s sad and pathetic, and quite upsetting that Gervais has slumped so low after such greatness. Please, Gervais. Just stop.


3/10 Dans

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Doctor Strange (2016) - Film Review

Review:

*Originally written October 27th, 2016*

"Life is Strange"

While it suffers from the usual strains of a superhero origin story, Doctor Strange somehow manages to be unique, original and the weirdest thing to come from the MCU yet. 

While the story was fairly formulaic for the first act, I was sort of lost for most of the film. A lot of dialogue is characters spouting exposition that meant nothing to me. They talk about magic, spells, evil spirits and lots of mentions of mirror dimensions or something. It also lacks the weight of Civil War, which isn't Strange's fault, seeing as that was the build up of 8 years worth of films before it, but it just made Civil War have more of an impact.

While this lack of knowing what was happening should have diminished my entertainment, I was blown away by the visuals happening on screen. I never in a million years would have expected this to be as visually stunning as it was. It has some the weirdest and most unique visual style of any comic-book I've ever seen. While Guardians of the Galaxy was a zany risk for Marvel, Doctor Strange blows it out of the water.

While Benedict Cumberbatch was great in the lead (Once I put his American accent aside), his character is fairly similar to a lot of things we've seen before it. An arrogant, smug and somewhat obnoxious doctor who is brilliant at his job. He's sort of a mix of Tony Stark and Doctor House. He was great, and I look forward to seeing more of him in the MCU.

Where Marvel failed once again was in its villain. This is the biggest insult to me from Doctor Strange. Wasting Mads Mikkelsen. I have just finished watching all 3 seasons of Hannibal, and the man is a god. He's sadly wasted here in another throwaway and forgettable villain. Mads does the best he can with the little material he's given, but he deserves so much more than this.


So yeah, Doctor Strange is a lot better than I expected. I never really had any expectations for this, and while it fails on the villain front and its muddled storytelling, I was captivated by its creative, psychedelic and downright beautiful visuals.

7/10 Dans

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Blair Witch (2016) - Film Review

Review:

*Originally written September 9th, 2016*

"The Blair Witch Rehash"

I am so let down by this. Directed by Adam Wingard and Simon Barrett, both of which worked on You're Next and The Guest, two films I utterly adore the fuck out of. So I was extremely disappointed by Blair Witch.

Sold as a sequel to the original (Ignoring the events of Book of Shadows), this really is pretty much a straight up remake. It lacked any kind of surprise or originality. I really have no idea where the acclaim for this film is coming from.

Aside from the sound design and excellent final 15 minutes, I never cared about anything else in Blair Witch. I was bored a lot of the time. I just felt like I'd been here and seen it all before. I nearly even rewatched the first earlier today, which only would have made this even harder to get through.

Horrific camerawork too. I wanted to like the idea of the POV cameras, but it was borderline impossible to know what was happening most of the time. There was some interesting use of drones and body-cams to get this rehash into 2016, but it was mostly just disorientating. 

That said, in terms of found-footage films, this is still head and shoulders above utter dreck like Paranormal Activity. It's just everything about this film should have been better. How do you go from The Guest to this? 

I hated every character. I never cared for anyone. I liked that they at least still kept the mystery of the Blair Witch while expanding on the mythology a little bit. I was worried we'd see the witch and have that ruined, but thankfully they never get that far, although we do get some clearer glimpses that we never got in 1999. 


For better or worse, Blair Witch is back. The best I can say about this is that it is at the very least a hell of a lot better than Book of Shadows....

4/10 Dans

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The Neon Demon (2016) - Film Review

Review:

*Originally written February 12th, 2017*

"Beauty isn't everything. It's the only thing"

Nicolas Winding Refn’s previous film ‘Only God Forgives’ was critically slammed and hated by most, while I didn’t hate it, it was definitely a huge step down from the likes of Drive and Bronson from the Danish director. 3 years later, Refn has learned from his mistakes and made one of the most visually beautiful, compelling and most well scored films I’ve ever seen.

Ditching the macho male fuelled fantasies of his previous films, this time he tells the female led story of a young aspiring model who moves to Los Angeles and quickly becomes the next big thing because of the her special “thing” she has. As her ego gets the better of her, a group of jealous models stop at nothing and go to extreme lengths to possess her beauty.

This film is as abstract as they come. The story is thin and moves at a snails pace, moved along by increasingly beautiful modelling shoots that really do display Winding Refn’s eye for beauty, colour and visuals. While the story is arguably thin, it’s the usual tale of a young girl consumed by the horrors of a shallow and vapid industry, it is no less compelling.

It is purely made for its visuals and music, which are truly incredible. This might be the best looking film I’ve ever seen. I’ve watched it twice now and each viewing I was sucked in for 2 hours of hypnotic visual nirvana. Every frame is a beautiful painting, filled with meaning and metaphor. While the story is thin, everything else is dense and full detail that has more than meets the eye. This is a film that will only improve on rewatches as you notice more and pick up on the little things.

Along with the visuals, where The Neon Demon also succeeds is in its music. Every track of the score is something of ’80s feeling electronic beauty composed by Julien Refn and Cliff Martinez. It made the opening titles some of the best I’ve scene, I even got a bit a “The Thing” vibe from it, bringing such an unsettling feeling that set the tone for the rest of the film.

The cast are all great. Elle Fanning leads as Jesse, the model who soon lets her own narcissism and ego get the best of her. Jena Malone was the standout of the cast, she did some things that you can really only say “Wow, you really did that. Bravo”. The male cast are sidelined to really creepy characters, but they were all memorable, especially Keanu Reeves as the sleazy motel owner who brings some black comedy to the mix.

While it is slow, it builds to its natural conclusion well, and while the balls out the bath insanity of the last 20 minutes seem to come out of nowhere, there are a few hints of what’s to come littered throughout the film. Oh, and when I say insanity, the last scenes of this film are truly some of the most grotesque and disturbing content I’ve seen in a while. It goes places I know a lot of people won’t be able to stomach. It’s disgusting, but it’s fitting and feels like the only place this film could have gone.


The Neon Demon will no doubt straight disgust some people, while others it might just bore, but for me it connected and I was in a hypnotic state for the whole run-time. A true masterpiece and form of creative expression. Refn, you are a genius. I think he might be my favourite director currently working. I am far more interested in what he has coming than Tarantino or Scorsese right now. My film of the year for 2016.

10/10 Dans

The Neon Demon is out now on Blu-ray and DVD in the UK
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American Pastoral (2016) - Film Review

Review:

*Originally written November 11th, 2016*

"American Fruit Pastel?"

I'm a huge fan of Ewan McGregor, people even say I look like him for some weird reason, but I was interested to see how he would do directed. And he did a pretty okay job.

I'm just not entirely sure what the point of this was. It's not what I expected at all. While it's was engaging and really interesting at times, it was also fairly flat and lifeless at others.

After watching this and Big Fish, Ewan McGregor really needs to stop doing American accents. It's.... it's bad. It was great to see Dakota Fanning again though, this time playing a rebellious teenage daughter with a stutter. 

This was bleak and depressing as hell. It has some moments of genuine sweetness, although these moments are placed in flashback form at a moment of where it just makes you feel like shit for maximum manipulative effect.


As a director, McGregor has made a good looking film with an interesting look at politics, race and teenage rebellion in 1970's America, but in the end, the film just didn't have a lot to say and I'm not sure what it was trying to say.

6/10 Dans

American Pastoral is out now on DVD in the UK
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31 (2016) - Film Review

Review:

*Originally written September 18th, 2016*

"End my life"

31 is Rob Zombie’s latest and probably most vile contribution to cinema yet. I’ve not had a good history with Zombie’s filmography. Aside from his first Halloween remake and The Devil’s Rejects, I loathe everything he’s had to offer. Yet, I was still oddly interested in ’31’. While I was sure I’d probably hate it (Which I did), I still thought it had some sort of potential. Sadly, it’s just a poorly filmed, fairly tame and boring affair.

Sheri Moon Zombie (Because who else?) leads a group of five people who are kidnapped and taken to ‘Murder World’, where they are trapped and forced to play a murderous game where they must survive for 12 hours while being attacked by increasingly psychotic psychopaths. It’s oddly similar to 1987’s The Running Man, but more sadistic and without the charm.

I don’t mind the set-up, it’s a fairly obvious plot that could have made for some genre fun, it’s just that thanks to Zombie’s style, it’s nothing less than horrible. There are some fun ideas littered in here. We get a Nazi midget clown, a demented idea that feels right out the Borderlands series and Richard Brake actually gives a pretty terrifying performance as the final psychopath ‘Doom-Head’. He plays it as the most sadistic Joker we’ll never get in a Batman film.

Brake aside, the rest of the cast are horrific. Sheri Moon Zombie plays it as she always does: obnoxious and unbearable as our “final girl”, the lead we’re meant to root for, but instead I wanted to see her get slaughtered. Same went for the rest of the cast, all just awful, terrible people who you can’t root for. The strangest performance and appearance had to be from Malcolm McDowell as one of the puppet masters to the game of 31. He plays it as this weird aristocrat. It was bizarre. I was sitting there thinking to myself “You’ve been in A Clockwork Orange and now in your older age you’re degrading yourself to this”. It was embarrassing.

Zombie himself has called 31 his “most brutal film to date”, which might, or might not be true. It was hard to tell due to the awful shakey-cam work that made Paul Greengrass look coherent. Thanks to this awful camerawork that was probably done to hide the films extremely low-budget, it made the film lose any of its visceral impact, making it feel very tame. Zombie had to edit 31 in order to avoid the dreaded ‘NC-17’ rating, I’m not too sure what could have warranted this, as most of the violence is no worse and probably less gory than his previous work. There is an uncut version to be released on Blu-ray at some point, but for now, we’re left with soft cut that shouldn’t have happened. If you’re gonna go all out, then go all out, don’t let censorship ruin your artistic vision.

None of 31 looks even remotely nice. Everything is grimy, dark, disgusting and ugly to look at, which is probably the point, but that doesn’t make a compelling film to look at. It makes a boring film to look at. The sets look like they were covered in faeces and urine before filming, which would have made for an authentic haunted-house ride, but not a film.


 This actually would have probably worked better as some Halloween attraction at somewhere like Thorpe Park. Zombie composed the score, which actually wasn’t too bad. A little bit of a thumping and generic score, but it stands out compared to everything else on display. The film also closes to Aerosmith’s ‘Dream On’, which is a nice choice, even if the film’s ending is very weak and lazy.

2/10 Dans

31 is out now on DVD in the UK
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