The Expendables 2 (2012) - 4K UHD Review

Review:

*Originally written February 10th, 2019*

While the first Expendables film truly is bad, I'd always been a fan of the second, a film the first should of been. Having way more fun with the premise of bringing these faded action stars together to give us some over-the-top, violent and explosive action. Expendables 2 doubles down on everything the first gave us and improves on it at the same times.

Where the first was a self-serious mess of a film, this has a much more playful take on the concept, filled with self-aware humour (That doesn't always hit), but it works more than taking any of these '80s action cliches seriously. And this sequel is rife with fantastic cliches and terrible puns that add to a much more entertaining experience. Jason Statham's Lee Christmas proclaiming "I now pronounce you husband and knife" being a particular stand out.

What surprised me is how Stallone managed to direct the first one so poorly, despite being an extremely competent and great director, releasing Rambo just a couple of years before the first Expendables. That said, it was definitely best Simon West took over the reigns for the sequel and makes the great choice to film all the action during the day and not at night where you can barely make out what was happening. It is a shame that a film that cost $100 million looks so ugly though, the CGI is frequently poor and the emphasise over CGI blood instead of blood squibs is a gross oversight considering these are meant to be '80s throwback films.

There is some suitably brutal and gory violence as the team of mercenaries turn countless faceless henchmen into chunky pieces of red meat throughout, while delivering on some extremely entertaining set-pieces the original lacked. The finale at the airport was probably my favourite of the several action scenes. Plus it was great to see Bruce Willis and Arnold Schwarzenegger return and actually get involved with the action this time and play off each other, which they sadly did not get to do in the first.

I suppose what's most disappointing about these films are just how bland the characters are. The team are more their actors than their characters, while I know it is hard to juggle this huge cast, I barely care about any of them and it's more just fun to see the actors on screen rather than any sort of care for their characters. I honestly could not tell you a single thing about these people despite they seem to be a mismash of previous characters they've played in their careers. 

Who really shines out the cast though is Jean-Claude Van Damme who is perfectly cast in the playful role as the wonderful camp villain "Jean Vilain", he seems to be having the time of his life in the role and it's the sort of silly nonsense these films need to have a sense of personality and once again, a huge step up from the first. I really don't remember who the villain even was in the first. 

The only real thing the first had over the second isn't even to do with film itself. This is a massively disappointing 4K disc, not helped by how the film was shot. There are some moments that boast impressive detail and colour, but a lot of the time the films looks soft and carries a massively inconsistent amount of grain, some of it natural, some of it intrusive. While I was we got a better transfer this is still the best the film has ever looked. 


The Expendables 2 massively improves on the first in every way. Competent and fun action, a self-aware tone and an insane cast. It's fun throwaway fodder that doesn't live up to the potential of its cast, but hell, it's still a blast.

7/10 Dans

The Expendables 2 is out now on 4K UHD, Blu-ray and DVD in the UK
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Savages (2012) - Blu-ray Review

Review:

*Originally written April 15th, 2016*

Even with the negative to mixed reviews surrounding Savages, I was still one of the people who were more positive about it and I still feel the same way about it. Also I can't believe this film came out 4 years ago? That's insane, it felt like I only just saw it as a new release. 

The story of two pot dealers who have get back their shared girlfriend who is kidnapped by the cartel is certainly uneven and messy in parts, but there is more than enough good stuff here that makes up for the bad.

I'll get the bad out the way first. The ending. What the fuck were they thinking? We essentially get two endings. One that is dark and violent that is more in tone with the film, then one that retcons that ending as some bullshit wish fulfilment of a lead character and then changes it for a much more strange and comedic ending which just felt bizarre. Neither of the endings are particularly great, but the fact they couldn't even commit to one ending is just a strange creative decision.

Oliver Stone is a director who's films have really been lacking as of late, this isn't amazing by any stretch, but it's a step in the right direction after such duds like World Trade Center and Wall Street 2. This feels more in line with his '90s work with it's beautiful and strange imagery and grizzly violence. All the action scenes pack a great punch and look visually interesting. In the particular the hijacking of a cash shipment and even the final scene, which is made pointless, but it had enough of an impact to sorta make it feel worth it.

The performances is are fine, no one was particularly amazing. Kick-Ass was serviceable, Taylor Kitsch wasn't terrible and Blake Lively was okay, but some of her dialogue in the narration is atrocious. This was a real line from the film "I had orgasms, he had wargasms", who on earth thought that was a good line? Actually Benecio Del Toro was pretty great as the psychotic cartel second in command? I'm not too sure what his role was actually, it's never really said. Either way, he was wonderfully disgusting and creepy, maybe it was just the paedophile 'stache.  

I will admit, I do have a soft spot for anything cartel related, so I was more than willing to forgive a lot of this film's flaws. I do still believe it is underrated though, and unfairly treated. It's messy, but I'm hoping to see it hopefully become something of a cult classic.

I also have to note, it has one of the best ringtones in film history, possibly even the best. Actually yes, this has the best film ringtone in history, I will never go back on that statement.


Savages is uneven, messy and maybe even a bit too long, but it's mostly a grizzly, violent and fairly entertaining cartel thriller with a somewhat return to form from Oliver Stone.

7/10 Dans

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The Dark Knight Rises (2012) - 4K Review

Review:

*Originally written September 12th, 2018*

I've tried, I've really tried. I want to love The Dark Knight Rises so much, I've given it so many chances, but it never improves, the flaws become more apparent and it seems to get worse with every watch. That said, this isn't the worst watch of it I've ever had, possible due to a 4K bump. As gorgeous as the 4K disc is, that means nothing for a film that is a complete write off on nearly every front.

I'm probably going to pick out a lot of things that have been brought up over the years with this. I'll get the good out the way first. It looks gorgeous, this is still a cinematic and beautiful film with one of Hans Zimmer's strongest scores. Nolan's flair for set-pieces and action is nearly unmatched. I nearly thought I was on board with this watch after the thrilling plane sequence, but it quickly falls apart.

Where DKR falls apart 90% of the time is in its screenplay. Nothing makes sense. Rather than feeling like a compelling and powerful ending to the Dark Knight Trilogy, what we have is an overlong mess of a film. I used to find this at the very least entertaining to watch, but in all honesty, it's just really boring and irritating. 

Nolan has had scripting issues in his films before, but they're usually during smaller or background scenes that don't really matter and can be overlooked. Here, it's front and display through the entire run-time. It is insane how this first draft feeling screenplay managed to get greenlit. Characters you've seen grow through two films are completely wasted and go against everything you'd seen from them so far. Alfred leaving Bruce because he feels Bane is unlike anything he's come up against is just so strange and makes no sense. 

The film makes a big deal about Tom Hardy's Bane being removed from The League of Shadows because his methods were "Too extreme", in this we're given no real indication of what that could be. Instead it's just a boring nuke the city and the good guys have to disarm it at the 11th hour. It's a very uninspired bad guy plan that could have least had some emotional weight to it, but just failed to make me care. They nearly manage to squeeze an emotional moment out from you, but due to extremely manipulative and lazy editing, that potentially meaningful moment is pulled from under us for a lame, eye rolling reveal at the end.

We're also introduced to a whole new series of characters that are all so under-baked and wasted. All the performances are fine, it's just the script that screws them over. Joseph Gordon-Levitt's Blake is just the worst, a muddled character with a confusing arc. He finds out who Batman is due his smile when Bruce Wayne visited his orphanage as a kid, it made no sense. Then we have him shoot two criminals, in a blatant exercise of self-defence, throws his gun away in disgust (Obviously to mirror Batman's no guns policy), but then just picks up a gun anyway... It made no sense. And for some reason his superiors constantly refer to him as "Hot head" for no other reason than doing the basics of his job. 

Tom Hardy's Bane should have been a hulking force of nature, and he has his moments. The scene where he "Breaks the Bat" is genuinely brutal and exciting, displaying how powerful he is. It's a problem that has been mocked and made fun of for years, but it's true, His voice is a completely misguided idea. It really helps to watch DKR with subtitles, because a lot of the time, it's near impossible to understand what he says. It's also a shame where they go with his character by the end, reducing him to some lovesick henchman and giving him a completely unsatisfying and rushed death scene.

Since Bane is reduced to a henchman for Marion Cottilard's Talia al Ghul, things get even messier. Cottilard is a fine actress, so it's so strange and bizarre that she's completely wasted and given one of the most mocked and atrocious death scenes ever committed to film. Her role is so blatantly telegraphed through the film, making her villain reveal utterly meaningless and ineffective. 

Anne Hathaway's Catwoman is a also meant to be a sorta minor villain who changes her ways to be with Bruce at the end. While all the other performances range from fine to good, Hathaway sticks out like a sore thumb, trying so desperately hard to come off as sexy and snarky, that it just feels utterly cringe. She's just another character who's arc makes no sense at all. She's a career thief who only cares about herself, but changes her mind towards the end for no real reason. Oh, and there's a whole subplot about her after a device that wipes someones entire criminal record and every trace of them off the internet. 

I haven't even got to Bruce Wayne or Batman yet. 8 years after The Dark Knight, he's a reclusive cripple who hasn't been Batman since killing Harvey Dent and is still suffering from the injury he sustained from that. He's walks with a cane due to the fact he has no cartilage in his knee, then he gets some robot leg thing that completely fixes that. Oh, okay. He's called back into action due to Bane's exploits and constantly talks about how he hasn't given everything for Gotham yet. So it would have made sense for him to die. He goes through Hell in this film. His back is broken and he's taken to a prison in the middle of nowhere where his back is fixed after a couple of months and a punch in the back. Then he's able to be Batman again. No, really. That happens. It's such a muddled mess.


There was just so much potential here that's utterly wasted, it has the feel and scale of a Christopher Nolan film, but it just crushed and the immense weight of its truly awful screenplay. I continue to be confused at the people who 5 star this complete mess. Did they see a different film? Or am I just wrong? I've tried for years to like this film, and while I wish I could even enjoy this on a surface level, I can't even do that, I just feel disappointed and the insane potential that could have made a satisfying end to the trilogy. Still my biggest disappointment of all time.

4/10 Dans

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Act of Valor (2012) - Blu-ray Review

Review:

*Originally written February 4th, 2016* 

Wow, that was bad, like really bad. This was the first time I'd seen this since release, and it was just as terrible and laughably bad as I remember. A deeply cynical and overbearing display of "Oorah" patriotism that makes war seem like a cool video game than a real series of horrific events. It's truly disturbing piece of film-making. 

It's possibly the closest we'll get to a Call of Duty movie right now, and that's not a compliment. Act of Valor is a joke of a film, I'm sure the Navy Seals are brave and dedicated people, but my god, they could not act their way through a school play. What a misguided choice it was to cast real Seals as the leads. Every line was horribly stilted and I couldn't just help but laugh a lot.

The script doesn't help either. Filled with terrible and cliche lines, there is truly awful and cringe worthy narration too, like I was rolling my eyes every time that guy spoke. There is a ton of cheese too. This is probably the first time I've seen a film where someone shouts "grenade!" and jumps on it in slow motion without it played for laughs. The irony is unbelievable. Also, a Seal with a pregnant wife at home? Did these fucking writers even try? That guy was dead the minute the line revealing that was written. Pathetic.

While there are some genuinely decent action beats, although the overuse of first person camera shots got on my nerves. It felt like watching someone else playing Call of Duty, Battlefield or whatever the fuck. That's fine in small doses, but it is so overplayed here. The action is played as "bad-ass" and "cool" too, it feels like a glorified advert for the marines, rather than showing the true horrors of war. Sure a few of the Seals die, but there's no real weight to any of this at all. Every bad guy is a faceless cardboard cutout just waiting to get gunned down in a blaze of glorified American patriotism. 


Act of Valor is complete and utter garbage on nearly front, poorly acted, terribly written and laughably bad. A stupid film for the ADD Call of Duty generation.

3/10 Dans

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Django Unchained (2012) - Film Review

Review:

 *Originally written September 25th, 2015*

"I like the way you die, boy"

Tarantino is a well known fan of westerns. His films are littered with homages and cues to well known westerns, a lot of his films even have western elements. With him taking on his first full-blown western, you'd expect another Tarantino masterpiece, while it isn't quiet that, it is still another excellent and worthy entry into his amazing filmography.

Django Unchained follows a slave Django (Jamie Foxx) who is freed by a bounty hunter, Dr. King Schultz (Christoph Waltz) who trains him to be a bounty hunter also and agrees to help him free his enslaved wife from Calvin Candie (Leonardo DiCaprio).

To get the minor quibbles out the way. Django Unchained has a few minor problems that emerge in the last 40 minutes. First off, it is so long, which isn't too much of a problem as it runs at such an relentless pace. The Biggest problem is a strange choice a lead character makes in the last act, which completely derailed the character and seemed like a poor excuse to get a gun fight to start, there were plenty of ways the film could have got to this set-piece, but doing it in a way that just butchered one of the best characters of the film just felt stupid. Lastly, Tarantino could really not just help himself, he had to cast himself in a completely terrible cameo, which just felt awkward and unnecessary. His character has a an AWFUL Australian accent, why does he do this? I love his films, but he needs to just stay solely behind the camera.

These minor things aside, Django Unchained is one of the most entertaining and overall enjoyable films I've ever seen. Every scene is just pure, balls out the bath fun. The bloody violence is unrestrained and just fantastic. No CGI here, just gallons of squibs worth of practical blood. Gorgeous. The action scenes themselves are well shot and smooth. The Candie Land shootout is one of the best set-pieces I've seen from an action film and might just be Tarantino's best straight-up action scene he's filmed, it's a mash up between this, The Crazy 88 scene from Kill Bill and the theater scene from Inglorious Basterds.

The performances are all great. Obviously Christoph Waltz won an Oscar for his charming role as bounty hunter who takes in Django. Jamie Foxx is kinda forgettable as Django, he's just kinda there, he doesn't give a bad performance, it's just when everyone else in the film is so great, you're gonna get forgotten. DiCaprio is excellent as the villain, playing it gleefully sadistic and clearly just having a blast being a slave owner. The stand-out and most enjoyable member of the cast though, easily has to be Samuel L Jackson as the self loathing head slave of DiCaprio's Candie, he plays it so fantastically over the top and hammy, it's hilarious. I've never seen him like this before.

Filled with a lot of the Tarantino trademarks. You know, long, engrossing monologues about something mundane or not important, but it's just so well written you hang on every word. Including an amazing scene where a primitive KKK argue about the quality of the sacks on their heads. There's the bombastic and erratic camera shoots, so many fast zoom ins here, which all look great and are effective. And of course, it wouldn't be Tarantino without an amazing soundtrack, filled with classic, modern hip-hop and rap.

Django Unchained might falter slightly towards the end, but you can't deny that every moment of this western is just a joy to watch. I want to give this a 10 so bad, but that poor character choice at the end really won't let me.

9/10 Dans

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The Amazing Spider-Man (2012) - Film Review

Review:

*Originally written June 21st, 2017*

"With great power, comes a mediocre reboot"

The Amazing Spider-Man is something I remember enjoying when it was released, despite being a pissed off 15 year old who was annoyed we never got Raimi's Spider-Man 4. I never loved it, but I did enjoy it. Now, however, I found it to be the film equivalent of chewing gum for two hours that has lost its flavour.

I was never offended by this reboot, but it just walked a fine line of mediocrity during its entire, bloated 137 minute run-time. The biggest crime Marc Webb's film commits is probably being far too familiar and certainly unnecessary. 

Rather than do something new or interesting, we're once again given Spider-Man's origin story. It's far too similar to the first Sam Raimi film, despite being different. We see scenes we've seen before, Peter going after who killed Uncle Ben (Which is a subplot that is dropped and never mentioned again), him discovering his powers, a big villain who's the result of a science experiment gone wrong. It's all just really dull, despite flashes of something better that is potentially underneath the surface. Oh, they do the whole "Beam in the sky" finale here too... urgh.

Andrew Garlfield is better than I remember when he's actually Spider-Man (I love the look and design of the suit) and he has some genuine chemistry with an underused Emma Stone, but when he's Peter Parker, he acts like a mentally challenged and twitchy Marty McFly and it is weird, so weird. I feel it's meant to be charming, but it comes off as all wrong.

Rhys Ifans doesn't fare much better as Dr. Curt Connors/The Lizard. We were given hints of The Lizard throughout Raimi's trilogy and we sadly never got him, but here he's pretty wasted. He looks like a terrible cartoony CGI mess and plays it very hammy and over the top. I noticed a weird scene where he's shouting, but his mouth wasn't moving, which is a goof. Sure, whatever, but I expect better from a film that cost this much. Again, his character is far too similar to Spider-Man's Green Goblin, another science experiment gone wrong who gives the host split personality.

There are some decent bits of action spread throughout. I liked some of the POV shots of Spider-Man going around the city, which I remember being in the teaser trailer for the film. I just wish there was more creative stuff on display, like the most of the film, everything is just very forgettable and vanilla.

The Amazing Spider-Man is an instantly forgettable and mostly dull attempt at rebooting Spider-Man by rehashing a lot of stuff we've seen before.   

5/10 Dans

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Prometheus (2012) - Film Review

Review:
*Originally written May 11th, 2017*

On the road to Alien: Covenant, I decided to revisit every film in the Alien series (Excluding AVP, although I did shamefully rewatch those recently by mistake). With Covenant landing tomorrow, I finally got to Prometheus, the first prequel in the franchise.

This might be the fifth viewing of Prometheus for me since its release in 2012, and it is still the confused and frustrating experience I remember it being. I did at least appreciate a few things a bit more this time around, although my opinion still leans towards a negative overall feeling towards the film.

I know Prometheus was never intended as a direct prequel to Alien when it was made and released, but seeing as it is now part of a series leading up to the original Alien, it feels a bit messy. I do like that we're leading up to the eventually creation/discovery of the Xenomorph race, I even didn't mind the that little stinger at the end of that baby proto-xeno thing, but everything with the giant albino aliens was laughable at best.

Some giant albino alien *Shrugs*

It's a common criticism of Prometheus, but still a criticism. This film asks way more questions that it answers, which isn't a big concern, in fact it could be a positive if I was invested in these characters or journey, but I'm not. My biggest problem is the characters. I never once cared for any of these crew members, who range from annoying to stupid. Aside from Michael Fassbender bringing more class than the rest of the cast put together, everyone is wasted and forgettable.

I can suspend my disbelief so far, but it is borderline insulting to the audience when the script treats them to the dumbest scientists possibly to ever be put on screen. They do things no real human being would do, it's more script based than the actors fault, but these characters are frustrating to say the least. On top of these dumb characters, the script is full of cringe-worthy and terrible lines.

It is quite amazing that Michael Fassbender is playing an emotionless android, but manages to bring more life to his character than anyone else in Prometheus. Some of my favourite scenes were from the short time we see with him on the ship during the opening where he's just passing the time by watching Lawrence of Arabia and imitating what he saw in the mirror.

Michael Fassbender and Android 'David'

The biggest shame really is that this was director Ridley Scott's first time back into the Alien universe since his 1979 masterpiece that started it all. None of the personal terror or shock is there. It all feels bloated and up its own arse with its self-important philosophy on gods and where humans came from. I'm not asking for a mindless slasher fest, but something a bit more than this.

While Prometheus feels insanely tame for a film in the Alien series, there is one geniune moments of body-horror involving a self-induced abortion that was harrowing to watch, it was probably one of the most nerve-wracking scenes in the entire franchise.

Visually at least, Prometheus really is a feast for the eyes. Every scene is detailed, beautiful and filled with information. A lot of sets are practical and feel lived in, which I have to praise. even the CGI doesn't feel distracting, as it looks really, really good. I particuarly loved the the hologram maps.

Prometheus is a frustrating and unrewarding experience, it also doesn't have much to offer for Alien fans thanks to its terrible script, bland characters and general messiness, but for whatever reason, I seem to come back to it frequently.

5/10 Dans

Prometheus is out now on Blu-ray and DVD in the UK
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