Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom (2018) - Film Review

Review:

*Originally written June 10th, 2018*

I actually feel attacked after this film. I've rested on it for a few days and the more I think about this film, the more insulted I am. I was one of the few people that enjoyed Jurassic World (It's due a rewatch though), it was hardly original, but at the very least had some decent set-pieces and genuine excitement.

Fallen Kingdom on the other hand is just cynical Hollywood blockbuster film making at its worst. I spent 2 hours watching this in disbelief at how such a moronic and stupid script somehow made it through a variety of people and was considered good enough to be greenlit.  

I must admit, I wasn't the most excited for this. The trailers have all been pretty awful, but I was hoping for another Solo situation where I was pleasantly surprised, instead I just received a barrage of nonsensical garbage that made me wish I was dead. 

Films don't need to be smart to be fun, there's a certain level films can hit where they're stupid, but still entertaining (Shoot 'Em Up and Kong: Skull Island are the examples I can think of right now). Fallen Kingdom fails to bring any life to the screen. There are some watchable action scenes, the first act on the island have some cool moments (And a genuinely beautiful shot at the end), but it's all undercut by how rushed it all is.

Despite being that stars of the previous films, Chris Pratt and Bryce Dallas Howard's characters are such blank slates of nothing. Pratt makes charisma look easy, he's got that goofy charm, which is let down by such an uninteresting bore he plays here. The closest thing he has to character is his relationship with the Raptor 'Blue' he raised from birth. It's a shame none of the moments between them work at all. There's even a scene where a single tear drops down Blue's cheek. I  did not make that up.

Pratt and Howard aren't even the worst off here. The whole film comprises of side characters who are either just annoying or laughably bad. The worst of the bunch is by far Justice Smith, who is just embarrassing excuse of a character, every line is just a lame joke about how scared he is, how everything is too dangerous for him, or he's just screaming. He's basically Dakota Fanning in War of the Worlds, but doesn't even have the excuse of being a child.

 Jeff Goldblum's return as Ian Malcolm is nothing more than a cameo and the entirety of his role is in the trailer. So don't get your hopes up for that. Even the bad guys are just bland and pathetic, as soon as Rafe Spall enters the film, his role is so blatantly set up to be a bad guy and then there's a cliche soldier who wears aviators and takes pleasure in torturing the animals and stealing their teeth.

A huge problem is that that Fallen Kingdom never picks what it wants to be, it tries to be an adventure film, a horror film or some poorly done metaphor about animals rights. It fails on every account. The last  act ventures into horror, but lacks any kind of tension or suspense and also gives us another genetically mutated clone dinosaur with some a cringe-worthy and awful name that I laughed out loud at every time it was mentioned.

I just can't believe what happened to this franchise, a series about the dangers of meddling with nature and now dinosaurs are now able to be tamed and turned into cutesy mascots for children to play with. After the events of the past 4 films, the characters have the balls to argue that dinosaurs need to be saved. Did Bryce Dallas Howard completely forget what happened in the last film? Including her nephews nearly being slaughtered. I'd like to go into details about some of the more utterly moronic moments (Including the bad dinosaur smirking at the audience, which actually happens), but that would be spoilers.


Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom fails on every account. Sure, the CGI is good and there's explosions, but it is so mind numbingly stupid and boring that it was hard to enjoy when the writers are constantly insulting your intelligence with every turn. I'm amazed this was directed by the guy who did A Monster Calls and not Michael Bay. Cinema is dead. Jurassic Park is dead. God, I hope the next one is better than this colossal turd.

3/10 Dans

Watch the trailer below:

Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom is out now in cinemas in the UK and a 4K UHD Steelbook is available to pre-order from HMV

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Jurassic World (2015) - Film Review

Review:

*Originally written June 13th, 2015*

It's been 14 years since the last Jurassic Park film, so we've been waiting quite a while for this fourth entry in the series, but was it worth the wait? Well, yes it was. Jurassic World might have been a bit messy and the script was pretty lame at times, but it was an insane amount of fun.

22 years after the disaster of the first Jurassic Park, Jurassic World is open and fully operating. While the nephews of Bryce Dallas Howard's character are visiting, a new genetically modified dinosaur escapes captivity and starts havoc in the park. That's the basic premise of the film and it never goes any deeper than that. Which was fine, it knows what it is, a big, dumb monster film.

At the centre of all this is Owen (Chris Pratt), a tamer of the velociraptors who teams up to save Claire's (Bryce Dallas Howard) nephews. Chris Pratt is one of the most watchable actors at right now, and he's no different here. After Guardians of the Galaxy and now this, he really has proved himself as a leading man. it's been said before, but I can really see Pratt as Indiana Jones in the inevitable reboot, or the very least Nathan Drake in an Uncharted movie.

Bryce Dallas Howard was a likeable presence too. She was no Ellie from the first film, but she carried the film very well and she's a lovely bit of bacon to boot. There's an issue that she wears heels while traversing a jungle and running from dinosaurs, which is pointed out, but still doesn't make sense.

Jurassic World has a lot of homages to the first film (It pretty much completely ignores The Lost World and 3). There were no cameos from the original cast which was a shame (Apart from one, which not many people would know). You at least get to see the original park where the finale of the first film takes place and Jeff Goldblum makes a tiny background appearance in the form of a picture on the back of his book.

Many people were worried about the quality of the CGI based on the trailers, which were well-founded worries. Sadly the special effects were very hit and miss, there was next to no practical effects and the CGI was hokey at times, but other times it looked spectacular. The new 'Indominus Rex' looked pretty awesome and was a great addition to the franchise. It's just a shame that nothing in this film came close to the awe or spectacle that made the first Jurassic Park so special and perfect.

Once the chaos hit, there was a lot of awesome action scenes and one fantastically crazy death which was pretty horrific. I was surprised at the amount of blood on display for a 12A too, there were a couple of instances of blood spatting on the camera. So, thankfully it wasn't tame. The final action scene was pretty great too and featured a return from same T-Rex we knew and loved from the first film.


It may not hit the heights of the first film, but what will? It's one of the best films of all time. Thankfully, Jurassic World was a worth sequel with excellent action sequences, a likeable lead from Chris Pratt and extremely well-paced which never felt boring for one second.

8/10 Dans

Jurassic World is out now on 4K UHD, Blu-ray and DVD now in the UK
Watch the trailer below:

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