Bad Boys 2 (2003) - 4K UHD Review

Review:

*Originally written September 14th, 2018*

Honestly torn about whether this vile film is a masterpiece or a disasterpiece. Thinking about the last 150 minutes (yes, it really is that long) of my life, I'm leaning towards the latter. As utterly horrible and mean-spirited as Bad Boys 2 is, I seem to keep coming back to it, over and over again for some reason and each time I watch it, I hate myself just that little bit more.

I don't remember watching the first Bad Boys frequently when I was young, but I watched this a lot as a kid, so I was interested to see what on earth a grown up Dan would think of this. Thankfully, he saw this vile piece of work for what it is: a disgusting, abhorrent pile of shit that never should have seen the light of day. It's a horrible, nasty film made by a man who clearly has very poor social interactions with other human beings.

I rarely feel uncomfortable watching a film, but there were moments in Bad Boys 2 where I just sat there thinking to myself "This is fucking horrible". Nearly every joke is aimed at either race or sexuality. It's Bay at his most unrestrained, it really tells a lot about him. I get the feeling he doesn't like gay people, respect women and might even have a little necrophilia fetish.

This film is just vile scene after vile scene. Everything just rubbed me the wrong way, but at the same time it was a fascinating look at Bay's psyche. From it's KKK opening moments, to rat fucking, to destroying Brazil. It's oddly compelling. Gotta mention it's not Bay's worst film either, which is a fucking testament to his filmography, and is far more interesting to watch than the last 3 Transformers films. Gotta give a shout out to the opening titles where "Directed by Michael Bay" appears as a KKK member is burning a cross. I wasn't sure how to take that.

To give credit where credits due. I due appreciate some of Bay's visual flourish and I do like seeing grizzly violence in a big-budget film, which we sadly don't get anymore. This was all pretty much practical too, which I really liked. So there was nothing wrong in the action department, it's just everything else. It's blazing with Bay's unique visuals that are sadly just wasted on his atrocious lack of coherent storytelling and his childishly offensive scripts he seems to dig out of edgy teenagers bins.

The two leads are inherently unlikable. Will Smith is a psychopath devoid of any decency, he enjoys the chaos, death and destruction that unfolds around him. Martin Lawrence is annoying. His character complains about all the destruction they cause, but that never once stops him from doing it. They're just so poorly written and one note. The characters do not go beyond the premise of one's a "family man" and the other a "playboy". Every watch, these two characters get worse and worse, they have some genuine chemistry, but are just awful, awful people that would be fired within days as real cops. Their behaviour and attitude towards what they do is completely sociopathic. And don't get me started on the "Those big dead titties" scene. Fucking gross.

After watching this again, I really would love to have a pint with Michael Bay, I think he could be one of the most bizarre people in existence. His writing has the sensibilities of a 13 year old who claimed to fuck your mum during a game of Call of Duty. What am I saying, this guy is the biggest douche in the world. Bad Boys 2 is the result of giving a blank check to an utter man-baby with no morals. Who the fuck let this be 2 and half hours long?!


Bad Boys 2 is devoid of anything that's even considered morally decent, but it is a fascinating train-wreck to watch with some well shot action and visual flair. Oddly enough, I kinda want to see a Bad Boys 3? The fuck has Bay done to me? Another knockout 4K UHD release from Sony too. Much like the first Bad Boys, it is just gorgeous to look at, it's just a shame a film like this was given such a high-quality transfer.

3/10 Dans

Bad Boys 2 is out now on 4K UHD, Blu-ray and DVD in the UK
Watch the trailer below:

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Bad Boys (1995) - 4K Review

Review:

*Originally written September 12th, 2018*

Michael Bay actually shows some promise with his first film, Bad Boys. While it has the "Bayhem" flair, it actually shows the talent of a first time director with potential. All the Bay problems here are kept to a minimum and only unleashed in his later and more abhorrent films.

Bad Boys is a fairly generic buddy-cop film about two detectives who are polar opposites of each other, working together to solve the case of a drug robbery and murder of a woman that involves a witness they must protect. 

Will Smith's Mike Lowrey is a playboy millionaire who is only a cop as a hobby, while Martin Lawrence's Marcus Burnett is an honest family man. I'd like to say these two have great chemistry and are a match made in heaven, sadly they are not. Will Smith plays it with his usual Will Smith charm that has only grown stale. Martin Lawrence is just annoying. All the side characters are horrible, especially Marcus's wife, who is a just a total uptight buzzkill and nothing more. Way to write women characters, Bay....

Bay's flourish for action works much better on a small scale here. All the set-pieces look nice and feel unique. The finale at the airport is the standout, while throughout there is a couple of smaller moments. This whole thing feels weird. It's a Michael Bay film with not a lot of action, which I appreciate. It's just a shame his characters are utterly horrible and the writing is appalling.

The plot is messy and makes no sense. Marcus and Mike have to pretend to be each other in some deeply unfunny scenes. As a comedy this falls completely flat. All the jokes are either cringe-worthy or uncomfortably racist. There's the two Spanish cops and one of the them is named "Mendez", because of course. 

I sound negative, but I do appreciate this film on a purely throwback level. It reeks of '90s and Bay clearly comes from a music directing background that shows. There is so much '90s cheese, especially in the music with some laughable guitar riffs. It really was a product of its time.

Even looking at the poster, Michael Bay clearly has a huge hard-on for the colour yellow. Bad Boys is non-stop yellow, from the opening to closing scene. The whole film is over saturated in a piss coloured yellow aesthetic. I hated the colour scheme. I actually much prefer his blue look he uses in his later films. Even with the overbearing yellow colour scheme, this is a gorgeous 4K release, brimming with detail and vibrant improvements on the colours. The previous "Mastered in 4K" Blu-ray release was excellent too, but this more than tops that. Another class UHD release from Sony. Can't wait to see how Bad Boys 2 looks.

The bad guy is utterly forgettable too. I'm looking at the IMDB cast know and am having a hard time remembering what the bad guy was called and who played him. He pops up in a few scenes and leaves no kind of impact whatsoever. 

I don't feel I've talked enough about how awful these characters are. Will Smith is a complete douche-bag, we get hints of his womanising, his home is basically a shrine to himself, which would be fine, even pretty funny had the character been written better, but he's just an asshole. I don't get Martin Lawrence either, his character never goes beyond doing a high-pitched voice in a tense situation. So annoying. Oh, these people are awful cops too. I don't know how they weren't fired.


For better or worse, this is where Bayhem begins, and I say "Game on".


6/10 Dans

Bad Boys is out now on 4K UHD, Blu-ray and DVD in the UK
Watch the trailer below:

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Twitter: @FigmentReviews
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YouTube: Figment Reviews 
Letterboxd: Dan
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