The Expendables (2010) - Film Review

Review:

I remember being excited to see The Expendables in 2010, as a 13 year old boy who was raised on '80s and '90s action films on VHS would have been. It came out and I loved it. I grew up a little, I enjoyed the sequels, but upon revisiting the first, I've got to be honest, this is a piece of shit.

The concept is sound, mixing up and making an ensemble film of your favourite action stars of the '80s and '90s and some from the modern day. You have Stallone, Statham, Terry Crews, Arnie, Willis, Jet Li, Mickey Rourke and Dolph Lundgren. Plus some crappy wrestling stars who do straight-to-DVD action films like Stone Cold Steve Austin....

This should have a sure-fire masterpiece, a tribute to the '80s and '90s, a time where action cinema was at its best. Instead what we have is a complete mess of a film. The action is so boring and lifeless, which is incredible, as this was directed by Stallone, who just 2 prior to this, delivered the incredibly violent and visceral final Rambo installment.

In The Expendables however, the action is all drowned out by the poor and dark lighting that gave me Vietnam style flashbacks to watching Alien Vs Predator: Requiem. It is just such a waste of all the talent involved. There are the odd moment of decent action, Terry Crews with the AA-12 shotgun was pretty gory, as was the opening scene with a grenade launcher.

What hurts The Expendables so much too is the poor CGI. Not just the odd off looking explosion, but every single drop of blood looks terrible. I'm convinced not a single blood squib was used, which is just an insult to everything this film tries to stand for. If you're going to try and recreate the '80s/'90s, then use blood squibs, then look so much better, and everyone knows it.

Terry Crews and Sylvester Stallone

I was never expecting much in the story department with this film, but I was hoping for something more compelling than this, and a better villain than... Eric Roberts? Yeah, he's in this as some rogue ex-CIA agent. He leaves next to no impact. The script makes no sense. There was obviously going to be cheesy one-liners, but nothing this pathetic and lazy. The character-arc of Dolph Lundgren's character is one of the most inane things I've ever seen.

I never felt I got to know or even care about any of The Expendables either. We learn so little about any of these characters, aside from the fact Stallone is the leader, Statham uses knives, Jet Li knows martial arts and Terry Crews likes shotguns, oh, and he has a cutthroat razor with his name spelt wrong on it. It's just a monumental waste of everyone involved and no one has a chance to really shine. The main focus is Stallone and Statham, with no one else getting much chance for screentime.

The Expendables is a failure on almost every level. It has a cool idea with its cast, but beyond that, it's a piss poor action film that feels like it easily could have gone straight-to-DVD.

3/10 Dans

The Expendables is out now on Blu-ray and DVD in the UK
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2001: A Space Odyssey (1968) - Film Review

Review:

Honestly... what the fuck? Full disclosure, the first time I watched this with my friend a year ago and we gave up half way through, we watched the second half in fast forward with the soundtrack playing on one of our phones. I was hoping this watch on my own would make me do a completely 180 on my opinion of 2001. It didn't, and to be honest, I probably liked it less.

I'll briefly talk about the good. There truly is some beautiful visuals and music here with some groundbreaking visual effects. I can't fault any of the production. The 'Star Gaze' scene is something of demented beauty that I hope to revisit one day under the influence of acid. It has a wonderful attention to detail and there's so much to explore in every frame, but under the surface of this film, there is just nothing there.

Everything else though... is bullshit. I could not tell you what I was fucking seeing with my eyes for the life of me. Nothing made sense. The first 3 minutes of the film is a black screen. A fucking black screen. This was long at 150 minutes, this was just taking the piss, I knew I was in for trouble at this point. Then we get monkeys for about 15+ minutes, then we get to the core of the "story" space.

I get there's a way to do visual storytelling, it worked for me in Under the Skin and Only God Forgives, here it just left me confused, annoyed and bored. At least in those films the outline of the story was clear to me, it was just more deeper stuff that was lost on me.

It's such a shame too, I adore Stanley Kubrick, and I love most of his films, A Clockwork Orange is one of my favorites of all time. I just don't know what the fuck to make of this. It's just such a frustrating and self-indulgent experience clearly made to fuck with the audiences head. It would have been a bit easier to stomach with a shorter run time, but at 2 and a half hours, it just feels like a overlong anal assault from Kubrick and he doesn't even buy you dinner first, then to top it off, he finishes on your face without asking permission.

2001: A Space Odyssey might be classic for some, but for me it was a boring, frustrating 
experience that just made me wish I never even bothered to try and love it.

2/10

2001: A Space Odyssey is out now on Blu-ray and DVD in the UK
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The Girl on the Train (2016) - Film Review

Review:

I know a lot of people have said this, but best thing to compare The Girl on the Train to is 2014’s ‘Gone Girl’ which tackles a lot of the same themes as Girl on the Train, but succeeds far, far better than this mess that seemed like it was made as network TV pilot. Honestly, I have no idea what the $50 million budget went on. It looks like cheap TV which is outrageous. There is nothing visually interesting or even competent about this film. It’s embarrassing. I am really curious to see what the budget went on. The score tries to emulate things like House of Cards, maybe even a little of Trent Reznor’s Gone Girl score too.

 Either way it was completely forgettable, like most of the film. In terms of storytelling, it fails too. The story is messy and somewhat predictable. Aside from one surprising twist at the very end of the extremely long feeling run-time, nothing of interest happens. 

Emily Blunt

The big twist itself is lazy in hindsight, it twists the history of the character to pull the rug from under the audience, but it just feels unnearned and lazy. It might be one of the things that worked better in the book, but in film? No. It hits a lot of the beats you would expect from a film like this. The mystery is an interesting one at its core and I am curious to check out the book. It’s just that none of that translated well in the disorganised and bland script.

The police are also a laughable and incompetent force in the film. None of these police act like real police. They misuse suspects, ignore glaring evidence and can’t put together clues that are directly in front of them. It was a lazy way for our lead to be front and centre. If the police in this are like the real police in the US, then god help them all….

Haley Bennett

If there is a saving grace from The Girl on the Train it is easily Emily Blunt’s performance as the lead Rachel. She plays a broken alcoholic which really shows in her performance early on in the film. She looks worn, broken, down pathetic and beaten. It’s easily this films greatest feature, it’s just a shame that it’s in a film that doesn’t deserve a performance of this caliber at all. The rest of the cast do not fare well at all. Haley Bennett in particular tries so hard to copy the nihlism of Gone Girl’s Amy Dunne that it is kinda pathetic. Luke Evans at least conveys some emotion. Everyone else? Forgettable.

I really wish this was better. I am a huge fan of dark and twisted thrillers (Like Gone Girl), but The Girl on the Train just fails on pretty much every level. When one performance is the only reason to see a film, then your film is not worth watching. This is far from 2016’s Gone Girl. A huge disappointment.

4/10 Dans

The Girl on the Train is out now on Blu-ray and DVD in the UK
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Filth (2013) - Film Review

Review:

Filth is a stunning character study of one of the most tragic, despicable and disgusting anti-heroes in film history. From the hazy direction that makes the film look like a hangover in itself to James McAvoy's powerhouse performance.

You know a performance is good when you still care about such a horrible character after all the awful, disturbing and disgusting things he does. I'm not joking when I say McAvoy's performance is one of the best of all-time. The fact that this performance wasn't nominated for an Oscar shows just how out of touch and what a joke the Oscars are. McAvoy gives the performance of his life here and it's more or less forgotten.

The best way to describe Filth is a Scottish version of The Wolf of Wall Street, but far more interesting and tragic, and in all honesty, better. It's fast-paced and wonderfully depraved in the best way possible. The dark comedy is often hilarious, even if it as at the expense of horrible people doing terrible things.

James McAvoy giving the performance of his life

The music choices here are all fantastic, even a cover of Creep by Radio Head that closes the film in one of the biggest gut-punches of an ending I've seen in such a long time. Clint Mansell's score is also fantastic, it perfectly lends itself to the depraved insanity happening on screen.

While the background characters are arguably underdeveloped, I didn't have a problem with this. It was all about McAvoy's Bruce Robertson at the heart of it all. His strange, unique and hazy story is unlike anything I've ever seen before. The murder mystery story at the centre of the film is borderline incompherensibe, but above all, this was a character study of a deeply troubled and pathetic man.

Filth is an incredible piece of indie-drama that is disgustingly unknown and deserves far more recognition that it has got. This is honestly the only film where you'll laugh and feel oddly sorry for a drug-addicted, racist and paedophile police officer.

10/10 Dans

Filth is out now on Blu-ray and DVD in the UK. It is also streaming on Netflix.
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Ghost in the Shell (2017) - Film Review

Review:

I don't really enjoy Anime at all, I try my hardest and I want to explore it more, but for the most part, I have a hard time connecting with it. My expectations at this were at an all-time low, the trailers did nothing for me, aside from the music, and being forced to see the trailer over and over again made me sick of the film before I'd even seen it. Much to my surprise, I actually quite enjoyed Ghost in the Shell, far more than the original Anime.

It is very faithful to the Anime visually, but it is bulked up to a longer runtime and is inarguably dumbed-down for a mass audience. The story is far more straight-forward and less abstract, which I appreciated. It's pretty simple, a woman's consious is bought back to life in a cyborg body and is part of a high-tec police force that have to bring down a cyber terrorist. There's more to it than that, but it is nowhere near as complex as its source material.

There was a lot of contreversy surrounding Scarlett Johansson's casting with even complaints of "White-washing", at one point I seem to remember an article claiming they were going to use CGI to make Johansson look "More Asian". Thank god that never happened, what a misguided step that would have been. Johansson is great though, she plays it similar to her role in Under the Skin, a character who is alien to everyone else, not truly sure what she is and because of this she is cold and almost emotionless. There's some surprising family stuff added here, which didn't always work, but added more depth to Johasson's Major.

Scarlett Johannson as Major

The rest of the cast are good for the most part. Pilou Asbaek was decent as Major's enhanced partner, Batou. Takeshi Tikano is always great to see, although I wish he had more to do. Michael Pitt on the otherhand, I wasn't entirely sure what he was going for, I can't decide if he was brilliant or terrible, but he talked like he was doing Nicolas Cage's Adam West impression from Kick-Ass, it was bizarre to watch.

Where Ghost in the Shell really shines is its visuals, action and score. This is a gorgeous film that was reminiscint of other sci-fi films and games like Blade Runner, Deus Ex and it even takes direct shots from the original Ghost on the Shell. This really was a sight to behold, there was no expense spared in the special effects department. I was a little worried about excessive slow-motion during the action scenes thanks to the trailer, but there wasn't a lot and it's used sparingly.

There were people complaining about the PG-13/12A rating, but it didn't really make it difference. It might lack the visceral violence of the original, but it makes up for it in visual style. I had no idea Clint Mansell scored this until reading the opening titles. The score was one of the few things I really liked about the original and he did a fantastic job with this.

Dan Bremner in Ghost in the Shell

My real complaints with Ghost in the Shell was it just felt lacking in some parts and a few scenes really didn't work. This is also one of the shorter blockbuster films at just over a hundred minutes, but I felt an extra half hour or so could have made for a much meatier film. The ending felt pretty rushed and while I appreciate it was more subdued than your usuall CGI mash-up of explosions, it was pretty underwhelming and wrapped up far too quickly.

Ghost in the Shell will probably be hated by a lot and loved by others, but for me, I really enjoyed this adaption of an Anime I'm not too keen on. It's a visually spectacular, simple and beautifully scored sci-fi, and I wouldn't mind seeing more films in this universe.

7/10 Dans

Ghost in the Shell is out now in cinemas in the UK
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Edge of Tomorrow (2014) - Film Review

Review:

Edge of Tomorrow always surprises me with each watch. I doubt many people asked "What would Groundhog Day be like as a sci-fi action film?". But amazingly, the concept works far better than it should.

It's insanely entertaining and a brisk 2 hour watch with an excellent performance from Tom Cruise who plays against type here as a coward Major who is forced into a battle and obtains the ability to repeat the day every time he dies after an encounter with an "Alpha Mimic". I was surprised at just how funny this was too, Cruise manages to balance both comedy and bad-ass action hero both effortlessy.

Cruises character builds more as the film goes on, going from an incompetent soldier who doesn't even know how to turn the safety of his weapon to a bad-ass who doesn't even have to look when killing an alien. It's almost like a video game, it even feels like a video game at times. It'd probably go as far as saying this is the best video game movie ever made, except it's not based on a video game.

Tom Cruise and Emily Blunt

The design of the mech-suits and aliens are really creative and so much better than alien designs we've had from recent films (Battle: Los Angeles). The action is inventive and fun, the opening scene that was very reminiscent of D-Day, but with aliens and soldiers in mech-suits. The whole dying and coming back to life thing could have made for some very repetitive action and scenes, but they manage to keep it interesting all the way through from beginning to end.

Emily Blunt provides the highlight of the film as the 'Full Metal Bitch' a hardened soldier who helps Cruise as she went through what he did at some point. She manages to outshine Cruise at points, making for a compelling co-lead, delivering some great action too.

The only thing that lets Edge of Tomorrow down is its ending, which in all honesty doesn't make much sense. That aside, It is one of the best and most enjoyable blockbusters of recent years. A sequel has also been announced, but I'm not entirely sure what the point would be?

9/10 Dans

Edge of Tomorrow is out now on Blu-ray and DVD in the UK
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Free Fire (2016) - Film Review

Review:

I've honestly not got on with a Ben Wheatley film since 2011's Kill List. I hated Sightseers, have yet to see A Field in England, and High-Rise I found to just be a mess. Free Fire is the most fun I've had from a Ben Wheatley film in a long time, but I was still oddly disappointed.

Free Fire is a fun film. It's a real-time action comedy that takes place in a warehouse after a gun deal goes wrong. I have soft-spot for single location films, and for the most part, Free Fire is succesful. It sadly loses momentum in a lot of places, even with its brief 90 minute runtime, leaving me a bit bored at times.

The films saving grace is its wonderful cast. Sharlto Copley gives his best performance since District 9, delivering a fun, silly and quotable character. The whole cast are great in fact, everyone is pretty much on top form. Even Armie Hammer was tolerable. I always love seeing Micheal Smiley too, he's great, I wish he was in more. There's even a surprising amount of heart between Cillian Murphy and Brie Larson which I didn't expect.

Brie Larson

The parts I did also love were the moments of grotesque violence among the dark comedy. It was quite refreshing to see a film where people are constantly shot until they bleed out and it was fun to see the cast limping more and more, getting closer to death as the film progressed.

Wheatley keeps a variety of interesting techniques and camera uses to keep the single location going. The camera pans through warehouse giving us a clear sense of geography in the single location of where everyone is.

Free Fire isn't always succesful, but for the most part its a fun and ambitious action comedy with a great cast, plus its pretty damn funny.

6/10 Dans

Free Fire is out March 31st in cinemas in the UK
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