Colombiana (2011) - Film Review

Review:

*Originally written July 31st, 2017*

"The Professional"

Originally written as a sequel to Leon: The Profession (seriously), that would have surrounded a grown up Matilda taking revenge on everyone who wronged her and Leon, but was scrapped do to rights issues and they changed the script around to make it an original film. Thank god.

Not that Colombiana is a good film on its own. I'm just thankful that the talent-less hack Olivier Megaton never got his disgusting worse than college level film making on the Leon name. 

I remember seeing Colombiana back when it came out and enjoying it, but I was about 14, so I was a fucktard who didn't know what good action making was. So I was prepared for the worst, but I actually enjoyed it more than I expected. It's not amazing film, but for Megaton, it's a moderately mediocre, but mildly entertaining revenge film.

Zoe Saldana is a decent lead and carries an action role quite well. It's a shame that there's a lack of stuff for her character to do. There are some fun assassination scenes before it explodes into a bombastic finale. 

Megaton even manages to restrain his awful broken shakey-cam action for the most part, delivering some coherency to the set pieces. Don't get me wrong, when anything is close quarters action, it becomes a headache inducing nightmare, but still nowhere near as bad as his awful Taken sequels.


Colombiana is what it is, a watchable, but forgettable action film with some okay action and a decent lead. It's nothing special, but it didn't leave me with a sense of hatred and despair at the end of it, so that's something. Bonus points for using "Hurt" by Johnny Cash at the end.

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Lara Croft: Tomb Raider (2001) - Film Review

Review:

*Originally written August 31st, 2017*

"Pure cheese"

I'm not going to defend Lara Croft: Tomb Raider and pretend it's great, or even good, but I will defend my childhood nostalgia I have for it. I've always been a big fan of the games (I've played all of them, bar a few) and I remember having this on DVD as a young child and watching it a lot. An 8 year old Dan may have proclaimed this as "The best film ever" at some point. 

While I am far removed from that opinion, I still think there is a lot of fun to be had with this. It's easily one of the best game to movie adaptations there has ever been, although that's not a hard thing to do. I'm hoping 2018's Tomb Raider film will be a genuinely good film, but I wouldn't hold my breath.

This 2001 film starring Angelina Jolie is a loose adaptation that kinda misses the point of the games. Which is weird to say as there is a lot here that makes the games great. You got an extremely sexy Jolie kicking-ass, raiding tombs and globetrotting, but all the plot is nonsense.

I'm not entirely sure what happened with the massively convoluted story, but I still had some fun with it. Simon West's direction includes some very fun, albeit cheesy action scenes. The CGI on display is abhorrent at worst, it reminded me a lot of a PS1 cutscene at times (Not an intentional reference to its source material I assume). There is some really entertaining choreography to the fights, an early scene where armed mercenaries storm the Croft mansion as Lara fights them  on a rope is pretty creative.

I was surprised at how great Jolie is as Lara Croft. She's sexy, smart and handles action scenes very well. She has the character down and even holds a decent British accent. 

It's the rest of the cast that falter. Iain Glenn is wasted as a very unimpressive villain who is instantly forgettable. Noah Taylor is absolutely horrific as the "comic relief" fuelling the with such cringe inducing lines that made me wanna vomit. Then we had Daniel Craig as the sort of love interest who carries a bizarre American accent. It makes no sense to me that they'd cast a Brit as an American when they could have just made the character British and not forced the audience to suffer through such a terrible accent.

The soundtrack was decent for the most part. With some very early 2000's sounding pieces of score for the action scenes and it's always nice to hear Basement Jaxx's 'Where's Your Head At' to close a film. 

It's worth noting that I also loved the Resident Evil movie when I was a kid too, but now I hate that, but I still like this, so that counts for something of the quality of Tomb Raider, right? I've always hated the sequel to this, but I'll be watching it again very soon, so see how that goes.


I don't have anything else to say. Tomb Raider is what it is, an early 2000's adaptation of a much better video game franchise, but if you grew up watching this, then I'm sure you can get something out of it. Plus, it's Angelina Jolie in tight clothes shooting people. What more do you want?

6/10 Dans

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Taken 3 (2014) - Film Review

Review:

*Originally written October 11th, 2015*

"Tak3n the piss"

I saw the Baby-blu steelbook in HMV for £8, so I just couldn't resist. There was a tiny part of my head just hoping, hoping that the "Extended Harder Cut" might be a bit better, but sadly and obviously that wasn't the case. I saw it for the first time in cinema back in January hungover after a less than great night out, so maybe I wasn't in the best condition to judge.

Anyway, onto the actual review of 'Taken 3', after rewatching Mad Max: Fury Road, a truly masterful piece of art, it only made me hate this piece of shit even more. A badly filmed, written and acted lazy piece of shit that concludes (hopefully) this series that never should have stepped beyond the first film. While the second film felt like a borderline spoof of the first one at times, this completely blows that out of the water.

Taken 3 is a complete mess through and through, it really is laughable. Liam Neeson returns as the ex CIA agent Bryan Mills and fuck me does he look bored, you can tell he's here for the paycheck. Maggie Grace is back as the daughter Kim now too, still in her 30's playing a 20 year old college girl.

This time it pits Bryan Mills against the Russian Mob and the police after he is framed for the murder of his wife. So yeah, it's a pretty much just a shit version of The Fugitive. The ONLY merit I give this film is that it didn't recycle the story of the first 2 films, it at least tries to do something different.

The biggest mistake Taken 3 makes is bringing back the biggest hack of a director that Hollywood has to offer... Olivier Megaton, apart from having a name that sounds like a Transformer, there is nothing cool about this guy. He cannot film action for shit, I've seen student projects with better fluidity and editing than this shit. It is an horrific mess, there must be about 5 cuts a second with every action scene, leaving nothing to linger apart from the viewers thoughts about what the fuck just happened.

Forrest Whitaker pops up here in a completely forgettable role as the officer in charge of bringing Mills in. The conclusion he comes into at the end is one the most insane and demented things I have ever seen on film, I still couldn't believe it. I'll give you one hint.... bagels.

Taken 3 is littered with insanely demented moments that just prove that no one gave a shit when making this garbage. While evading the police to prove his "innocence", he causes more death and destruction than I thought possible from a character who is meant to be the "Hero". Seriously, watch the high-way scene, do not tell me that no cops or civilians were no killed in that scene. There was also another strange scene where he sneaks laxatives into his pregnant daughter's drink so he could meet her in her college bathroom. Weird, demented and creepy. In the final battle Bryan fights the main bad guy while he's in his underwear, how on Earth was anyone meant to take that seriously? What the hell were the creative minds behind this film thinking?

Oh, the "Extended Harder Cut" doesn't make things any better. There's 12 more minutes added here, none of which I knew what was new. There was at least some extra blood splatter in the kills that definitely weren't there before, which would have been cool if the action wasn't so goddamn poorly filmed. Some uses of "fuck" are thrown in here and there too, which really had no impact.

I could go on about this abortion for even longer, but I don't wanna talk about it anymore. I've watched it, reviewed it and shelved it in my collection, hopefully never to be watched again.


So yeah, Taken 3 is one of the worst action films of recent years thanks to its boring acting, disgustingly filmed action, poor script and just general laziness that is a far cry from the blast the first film was. Please Jesus, never let there be a Taken 4.

2/10 Dans

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The Girl with All the Gifts (2016) - Film Review

Review:

*Originally written July 28th, 2017*

"The Last of Us"

The zombie genre has been one running on fatigue for quite a while now (Mostly thanks to the success of the insanely overrated The Walking Dead), but The Girl with All the Gifts is some fresh life into a genre in desperate needs of freshness. Tonally they could not be more far apart, but I'd go as far as saying Gifts is the best zombie film since Shaun of the Dead.

Despite being based on a book written long before it, there are many clear similarities between Gifts and The Last of Us. It really helps that Gifts retains a small budget, so it doesn't fall into the recent zombie pitfalls of being a mindless action film (World War Z for example). It's a film that focuses on character first, with zombie violence and action second.

It's not an action heavy film, but there are some disturbing scenes of brutality and morality choices. The idea of making the zombie children still children, but will become vicious and animalistic is an interesting take on things. The first act sees the zombie children being put in some sort of prison/school as they're experimented on in order to find a cure before things go to shit and the characters are forced on a road trip.

I loved the different stages of infection you see from the adult zombies. This virus takes the form of a fungal infection, again, like The Last of Us. I know people are divided on running zombies, so if that offends you for whatever stupid reason, you might not like this. The idea of the fungal infection makes way for a really dark and almost fairy tale like ending.

Visually, the film is gorgeous. England is an fuck ugly place, so it was funny to see that it looks so much nicer when nature takes over and wild lands have spread into the murky grey streets of the city. It also amuses me to see places I see every day like 'M & S' become abandoned and desolate. There's also a shot towards the end involving fire that is BEAUTIFUL, I won't say any more than that. 

The score wonderfully complements the bleak and apocalyptic tone. I can't even describe the score because it's unlike anything I've ever heard, but Cristobal Tapia de Veer (Who also composed the score for the insanely underrated and sadly cancelled Channel 4 show 'Utopia') did a great job here, making for some unforgettable and unique music.

I don't feel like I've mentioned any of the performances, but everyone is great. They're not quite on the level of Joel and Ellie from The Last of Us, but damn, Gemma Arteton, Paddy Considine, Glenn Close and newcomer Sennia Nanua all do a wonderful job at bringing life to characters we care about by the end.


It's quite upsetting to me that a film like this went so under the radar despite its positive reviews, but original films like this need to be supported. The Girl with All the Gifts is a smarter, smaller and more focused zombie film and one of the most underappreciated films of 2016. See it.

10/10 Dans 

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Triple 9 (2016) - Film Review

Review:

*Originally written April 3rd. 2016*

"Black and white"

I love heist films. I love Aaron Paul. I love bleak and gritty thrillers. So what happens when you mix them all together? Well, you somehow get a dull, boring and cliche mess that is Triple 9.

A bunch of criminals are forced to plan a heist by a Russian crime lord. So they decide the best plan would be to kill a cop and alert a 'triple 9' response that distracts all the police while they can commit their heist. There's also a load of underdeveloped side stories thrown in.

I was honestly so disappointed by this. I was expecting it to be in my top 10 of the year, but now it's looking to be in the bottom 10 at this point.

Aside from the cast and a few decent action scenes, there really is just nothing to Triple 9. It tries so hard with its bleak and gritty outlook that it almost gets comical. The film just forgets to make us care about any of these characters. Everyone is corrupt or bad in someway, but no one is compelling.

They try to explore the morality of what they're doing, but it fails pretty miserably. Had this not had the cast it had, then no way would it be having the solid reviews it got. I doubt it would have got a theatrical release either.

I sound really negative, but there is some good in Triple 9. Aaron Paul is excellent and easily the best thing about the film. I'm getting a bit worried about his post Breaking Bad career, he just doesn't seem to have much like finding films that are more than average. The rest of the cast are fine, except Kate Winslet, who is just really weird as the Russian crime boss with a hokey accent. I'm not gonna name the rest as the cast is insanely huge.

John Hillcoat's action scenes are pretty solid though. There is some decent visual flare, I liked the use of red smoke in the opening scene, that looked cool and the shield house invasion was interesting. 


Triple 9 is one the biggest letdowns for me this year. Despite some good performances and decent action, there really was nothing more to this complete slog of a crime thriller.

4/10 Dans

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Leon: The Professional (1994) - Film Review

Review:

*Originally written July 27th, 2017*

*Director's Cut*

"No women. No kids"

It's a weird thing to say, but I always find it hardest to talk about my favourite films of all-time, as opposed to films I hate. Leon is a film I've loved since I was very, very young (I have hazy images of watching it on VHS when I was maybe 6 or 7? Then it become a film I would watch constantly on DVD as I got older, then Blu-ray, then hopefully 4K when that gets released in the UK. Don't know where I'm going with this.

Anyway, Leon is a film I adore. It's in my top five of all-time. There's just something about it that keeps me watching it. It's violent and tragic, but has genuine heart and sweetness to it. Kinda like Terminator 2 (Why the '90s were the best decade of films for me). It's a film that's inspired a lot of stuff I love and I still find out to be Luc Besson's best film by FAR. I honestly don't have much love for any of his films beside Leon.

Leon is a weird film, and that's only just hit me. It takes place in a world that is so far removed from the real world. It almost feels like a comic-book movie or a graphic novel brought to life (A bit like John Wick). This is a world where a 12 year old girl can be trained to be an assassin after a drug addicted maniac of a DEA agent murders her entire family with no repercussions at all. This is what I like about Besson at his best. He creates interesting worlds, but I feel this is his only real successful attempt.

Jean Reno gives what is easily his best performance as the childlike and naive hit-man Leon, who is clearly a bit slow and emotionally stunted. But this gives way to some scenes of genuine sweetness. One scene I really love is an early scene where Leon is watching a musical film at the cinema by himself and watching the film in some sort of childlike wonder. Leon's mentality also makes sure that the relationship between him and 12 year old Matilda is never creepy, despite the reverse Lolita like overtones.

Natalie Portman is also excellent in her breakout role and what is still probably her best performance. Despite her young age, she takes control of all the emotional scenes between her and Leon. 

The villain of the piece, Gary Oldman nearly steals the show as the utterly psychotic Stansfield, the drug addled DEA agent who is always at 11. Even with the over the top performance, there is enough minor and subtle tweaks that keep the character grounded within the world. I do also miss film villains with a love for classical music (God bless '80s and '90s action cinema).

With a film centred around an assassin training a 12 year old girl to be a cleaner, this could have been an over the top explotation film, which would have been fun, but what they went for is much more meaningful and heartfelt. The ending is one of the most beautiful scenes of film-making ever put on screen and will put a tear on the face of anyone who isn't a stone cold sociopath. 

There's been a lot of talk about a sequel to Leon following a grown up Matilda as a hit-man. Some of this talk is genuine, some of it is bullshit. 
Thankfully, it looks like that will never see the light of day as the script was turned into the standalone film 'Colombiana' instead, which has no connection to Leon. Thank god, this film does not need a sequel. It tells its story perfectly and making a sequel would only go against everything the film built up to.


I wish I could have worded all this better, but I love Leon. One of my favourite films ever and one I will always continue to pick up and watch every now and then. A career high for most people involved. A near peak for '90s cinema and one of the best films of all time.

10/10 Dans

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Hidden Figures (2016) - Film Review

Review:

*Originally written January 9th, 2017*

"Oscar bait garbage"

This really wasn't for me. Crowd-pleasing Oscar bait with a ton of cringe. It told an interesting story of NASA's unsung heroes in the form of the black female workers who no one really talks about. So it's awesome they got a film that's dedicated to them. It's just a shame that it's this...

A deeply generic and cliched biopic that rarely does anything interesting with its premise. It's the sort of film your mum will love, so that's an indication of what to expect. It's a blandly shot, like a bigger budget lifetime movie and furiously overlong. None of the characters are really explored for a film of this length either, and while despite being friends, the 3 main leads rarely spent any screen-time together, which was strange.

The three leads give alright performances that barely elevate the awful script full of so many cringe-worthy moments that just made me wanna kill myself. Most of that was due to the horrific music choices which were some of the most on the nose and hamfisted music cues I have experienced in a long time. Lots of slow-motion shots of women walking in unison while some overbearing music with lyrics like "I'm not gonna take it anymore" booms in the background. Painful.

The stuff I liked was when they explored some of the more horrible issues of race in the 1960's. White people really were fucking pricks in the '60s. Being disgusted to drink from the same coffee pot, different section for black people in the library. You know what happened. I felt they handled all that stuff pretty well. It was also nice to see Jim Parsons play an obnoxious racist as opposed to an obnoxious geek with Aspergers. I was a little surprised by the cast. Kevin Costner is here as the closest thing there is to a likeable white man, while Kirsten Dunst has a small and thankless role as well... a racist.


So that was Hidden Figures painfully cringe-worthy Oscar bait that really was not my thing at all. The first film of 2017 that I've really hated.

3/10 Dans

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Collateral Beauty (2016) - Film Review

Review:

*Originally written December 26th, 2016*

"Sometimes you just gotta see the.... Collateral Beauty..."

Collateral Beauty is a film that shocked me to my core. What a poorly written, manipulative, absurd excuse for Oscar bait. This was a film so horrific on so many levels that it left me shell-shocked in disgust.

Fuck knows what "Collateral Beauty" even means, but it doesn't stop characters from saying it, a lot. They say it like it's profound, but I burst out laughing. How the fuck was any audience meant to take this bullshit seriously. The plot twists were laughably insane, especially the last reveal. Which makes no sense at all. I sat there saying "No fucking way did that happen. No fucking way. I'm not having that". The other twist I predicted in the first act.

Oh, I gotta talk about how misleading the trailer is. The trailer frames the film as if it was about Will Smith mourning the death of his child by writing to the concepts of Death, Time and Love, only for them to actually come visit him in some bullshit Scrooge inspired story. This could not be any more misleading. What actually happens is far more misguided and nasty.

This is actually the film about an asshole who has no idea how to react to the death of his child by acting like no other human would. He goes to work and builds elaborate Domino sets then watches them collapse while he refuses to communicate with other people. His co-workers react to this by hiring actors to pretend to be Death, Love and Time so they can film him talking to them then editing them out the video so it looks like he's mentally unstable and unable to be a shareholder. It was insane. 

Will Smith's "friends" manipulate him into thinking he's insane. Which is not only horrible, but he's also on the edge of suicide. It was so disgusting and nasty, but played completely justified with only a few people pointing out how wrong this is. Not only are Smith's sociopathic friends unacceptable with their behaviour, neither is Smith's. I don't know what it's like to lose a child, but it's probably the worst thing that can happen to you. I get that it can break you as a person, but what isn't okay is to use that grief to be an asshole and derail the lives of those around you with your selfish behaviour.

What makes Collateral Beauty that more frustrating is the waste of its really talented cast. Will Smith, Edward Norton, Keira Knightley and Helen Mirren try their hardest, but are impossible to take seriously with the god-awful script with such cringe-worthy and unbelievable lines. I could not believe a human being wrote this. Everything tried so hard to sound profound and meaningful, but it just was insane.


I don't know what else to say. Collateral Beauty is a complete train-wreck of a film and easily one of the worst films of the year thanks to its horrific script, laughable plot twists and the waste of such a talented cast. Everyone involved in this abomination should be ashamed.

1/10 Dans

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Suicide Squad (2016) - Film Review

Review:

*Originally written August 5th, 2016*

"Worst. Heroes. Ever"

Suicide Squad will be a strange beast in terms of cinema for 2016. The first trailer hit and no one was excited, it looked like a boring and lifeless slog. Then we got a second trailer, where the tone had a complete face-lift, we were shown a candy-coloured and fun film that looked to drop that dreary takes itself too seriously problem people seem to have with DC films. Then we arrive to 2 days ago and the reviews dropped and they were poor to say the least. Everyone turned on the film without seeing it and reports came out from the behind the scenes problems. So was this the complete disaster people are saying it is? Well yes and no?

There are two words that describe Suicide Squad in equal measure: Messy and entertaining. The film is a complete mess through and through. A lot of stuff doesn't make sense and a lot of it feels like it was left on the cutting room floor. I feel this is going to be another Batman V Superman situation where we get a much improved cut on the Blu-ray release. Saying this, the film is a hell of a lot of fun, it's one the most entertaining films I've seen all year, alongside Hardcore Henry and Deadpool.

Does a film being purely entertaining mean it's good? No, but I went to have a good time and that's exactly what I got. The problems with it are huge though. If a film reminds you of this years 'Gods of Egypt', then that is a big problem. It is so much fun though, the two hours breezed by and it was a refreshing change of pace from the DCEU's two previous films. I'm beginning to think that the problems are very much studio interference. David Ayer is a trusted director, I've not hated anything he's made yet (I'll even defend Sabotage) and there are glimpses of a truly great film here, it's just bogged down with a lot of crude editing and a truly awful finale.

But the main reason everyone is here is for two reasons: Margot Robbie's Harley Quinn and Jared Leto's Joker. They're both fantastic. I fell in love with Harley Quinn based on the trailers and Robbie did an insanely good job and stole the scene whenever she appeared, she was funny, handled action well and she was definitely psychotic. Her performance was anything but subtle, but she did feel like a comic-book character bought to life, which was awesome. The only other point of reference for Harley Quinn for me is the Arkham games and I felt Robbie lived up to that extremely well.

Then we had Jared Leto's Joker. This was the big one. The late Heath Ledger's performance as the Clown Prince of Crime has gone down in history as one of the greatest performances of all-time, which is well earned, he was a true powerhouse. Does Jared Leto match or even top Ledger? Well, no. But he was great. It was hard to tell, as he wasn't in it much, barely scraping in 15 minutes of screen time. He does make the most of every scene he is in though. He was terrifying, his cackle worked and it stayed with me. I was so glad they didn't try and copy Ledger's performance and they did their own thing with it. I loved the look of the character, people complained about the tattoos, but whatever I thought he looked awesome. I was reminded a little of James Franco's role in Spring Breakers at times though. The biggest problem with The Joker was by no means his performance, but what they do with the character. The Joker has no impact on the story of Suicide Squad. He's poorly implemented as a side story to the what the Squad are doing, but his actions have no overall effect on any of the plot. I cannot wait to see what they do with his character in future films, but here... pointless.

We're introduced to the rest of the Suicide Squad several times, which felt so odd. The first act is essentially a montage of introducing these characters, each of the members have their own song. That's another thing, the soundtrack is awesome, especially during the first act, lots of classic rock and whatnot. It just felt weird that we were shown what the character is capable of, alright cool, but instead they decide to show us what they can do again and it's like OK?

For instance when we first meet Will Smith's Deadshot. We see him performance an assassination, showing that he is an incredible shot. Then we're shown this again in an extended scene at a shooting range. I don't know why we had to be shown this twice, we get it, he's a good shot. Did Ayer think the audience was that stupid that we'd forget this information after 20 minutes? It was strange, no other member got this treatment.

That's another strange thing too. I wasn't too sure who the lead character would be in Suicide Squad, but this is very much a Will Smith vehicle. I'm not too fond of Will Smith in all honesty, but he was actually pretty good here. One of his best roles in years. He bought a heart to Suicide Squad that I didn't expect. Sure, it has some cheesy moments, he's doing it for his kid, but it worked and at least added some depth to the character that the rest of the members were sorely lacking.

Which brings me to the rest of the crew, who are utter canon fodder as far as I'm concerned. Jai Courtney gives his best performance to date, but his character is just nothing. A violent Australian who drinks in the middle of a fight. His character does nothing in the finale. The fire one, El Diablo gets a backstory in the form of an expositional talk at a bar that felt unnecessary. Killer Croc is just nothing, his design is awful. The last member of the team is completely wasted, an excuse to show off the explosives planted in their heads. He was essentially the first girl to die Battle Royale to show what the explosive collars did.

On the villain (Well, bigger villains) side of things. Cara Delevingne is awful. When she wasn't The Enchantress she was fine, but when she was, my word was she bad. I had no idea what they were going for. The design of here character was terrible, she looked like the little girl from The Ring wearing a skimpy outfit. The other truly bad guy of the piece, Amanda Waller, was awesome, Viola Davis's performance was more evil and messed up than anything the actual Squad did on screen.

This culminated to an awful and cliche finale. The whole "World destroying portal in the sky" thing has been boring for a while now. And what did Suicide Squad do? Exactly that. Most of the Squad get their moment to shine, one of them has the emotional epiphany and then its over, but not before one of the worst uses of CGI all year. The henchman to Cara Delevingne's Enchantress looks abhorrent, it looks recycled from Gods of Egypt. I cannot believe that this CGI abomination was allowed to make it to the screen. I complained about Doomsday at the end of Batman V Superman, but that looked way more convincing, which is impressive in itself (But not in a good way).


Some minor things that bugged me. This takes place in a post Batman V Superman world. Sure, okay. But where was Batman, The Flash or Wonder Woman during these world ending events of Suicide Squad? I know it's not their film, but if you set it in the same world, it feels weird that they wouldn't be trying to stop in some way. Batman does appear though, with about 3 minutes of screen time, if that. My other complaint, which is isn't the films fault is the age rating. This got slapped with a '15' rating in the UK, which is utter shambles, none of the content in this justifies this at all. I don't understand the BBFC at times, the Ultimate Edition of Batman V Superman is way more violent than this and that still got its 12 rating. So... what the hell?

6/10 Dans

Suicide Squad is out now on 4K UHD, Blu-ray and DVD in the UK
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Get Out (2017) - Film Review

Review:

*Originally written March 6th, 2017*

"Peele unchained"

Despite the spoiler heavy trailers, Jordan Peele's Get Out was still a horror comedy that managed to surprise and deliver an insanely entertaining experience. 

Based on Jordan Peele's output (Key and Peel/Keanu), I expected this to be more of a comedy, and it was. That wasn't to say his directorial debut wasn't devoid of disturbing and tense moments, I just found it more funny than scary. It some ways it reminded me of Shaun of the Dead and 2014's The Guest. Two genre bending films that defied conventions and delivered fun, self-aware experiences.

Get Out also does this and delivers a fairly topical and original story that hits at a lot of race related issues. Seeing a young black man have this awkward moments with upper-class, rich white people was as cringe-inducing as it felt real. Daniel Kaluuya and Peele's script make this all feel genuinely painful and hard to watch, not because of horror, but in the world we currently live in, I can see this happening. Obviously not the later stuff, but the smaller moments.

Once the horror gets going in Get Out, it did lose me a bit. It fully embraces what it is and goes completely off the rails, which I did enjoy, but was more compelled by the earlier stuff building up to the horrific revelations. It does at least end exactly when I wanted it to. My usually problem with films is that they go on too long and I hit a point where I want it to finish, but it goes on for a lot longer. So in that sense, Get Out is perfectly paced.

There are some fantastically creative visuals that had to have been inspired by 2013's Under the Skin with the "sink into the floor scene" that delivers a surprisingly unsettling visual. I did like all the hypnosis stuff. It created some unique stuff I don't think I've seen before. 

On top of all the awkward moments of hilarious casual racism the lead character finds himself in, a side character steals the show in the form of a TSA agent who brings genuine hilarity to the darker moments. It balances its horror and comedy extremely well. This could have been a tonal nightmare, but everything just works out okay.

I can imagine this growing on me with rewatches. There are loads of minor subtle details I only could have picked up on with further watches, so I can imagine this one hold up very well with further viewings. Although I don't think rewatches will manage to ever make the "Cotton wool" scene make sense. 

Get Out is one of the most original and inventive horror comedies of recent years. It might lose its way a bit towards its ending, but for the most part, it's an extremely entertaining, funny and exciting directorial debut from director Jordan Peele.

8/10 Dans

Get Out is out now on Blu-ray and DVD in the UK
Watch the trailer below:

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Deepwater Horizon (2016) - Film Review

Review:

*Originally written October 6th, 2016*

"Water way to have a good time"

I have a good history with disaster films. I grew up watching them and loving them. Peter Berg’s films on the other hand…. I hated Battleship (like most) and I found Lone Survivor to be a shameless army recruitment film that cashed-in on the lives of soldiers that were lost. Deepwater Horizon is another story. It’s a heartfelt and powerful action drama that pays tribute to the victims of this avoidable incident and gives us some pretty spectacular, but not gratuitous action. Films like this draw a thin towards being “destruction porn” which makes light of tragedy by giving us bombastic action with none of the substance, and that can be taken as tasteless. Deepwater manages to deliver its explosive action and gives us characters to care for. Making Deepwater Horizon compelling viewing.

Mark Wahlberg is front and centre here and he’s as reliable and lovable as he always is. It’s almost impossible not to love that goofy little face and childlike eyes. We’re given the most time with his character, with the opening scenes building up the relationship with his daughter and wife, which rings true and brought an emotional core to the film. It even made way for a very emotionally devastating finale that gave me a gut-punch I never would have expected from a film like this. Wahlberg’s performance in the final moments reminded me of Tom Hanks in the excellent Captain Phillips from 2016. The rest of the cast fare well too. Kurt Russell stands out and John Malkovich gives a strange accent, I’m not entirely sure what he was going for?

Malkovich is also the closest thing Deepwater Horizon has to a bad guy, but he’s really not, he’s just an arrogant guy who makes a mistake. A fatal mistake, but a human mistake. I really liked that about how it was handled, they easily could have given a cartoony bad guy we all wanted to see die, but we didn’t and there’s was a very quick shot of Malkovich that showed in his face the horror and regret of what had happened over the events of the night. It was minor, but it bought a lot to the character. Deepwater briefly explores who the blame was for this incident, but only in fleeting moments, I wish that was explored a little more.

While the build-up to the actual disaster is earned, when things kick-off, it is non-stop. Once that explosion happens, you don’t get a chance to breathe and it has some of the best design and action I’ve seen in 2016. The sets are detailed and feel real, the explosions look genuine and dangerous. I’m sure CGI was used, but everything looked and felt real. The sound design is also wonderful, the score from Steve Jablonsky was really good too, it delivered emotion and intensity without feeling manipulative. Everything mixed together to make for a truly spectacular and beautiful spectacle. While it feels a bit wrong to call a film about a tragedy “Beautiful”, Deepwater Horizon is beautiful. There is breathtaking cinematography in the latter half of the film, the fire was great to look at. The whole film has a gritty and realistic feel to it, but it doesn’t lack in style and visceral action, which is one the few things I agree Berg had a knack for in Lone Survivor. I feel he’s really improved as a director between this and Lone Survivor and I can’t wait to see his next film ‘Patriots Day’ which is about the Boston Bombings and also stars Mark Wahlberg and is out later this year.

Peter Berg directs the hell out of this film, delivering a truly intense, but heartfelt memorial to the victims of the event. Deepwater Horizon is the best disaster film of the year. A powerful, well acted and intense action drama that never feels dishonest and exploiting that tragedy, but instead pays tribute to those who were lost.

8/10 Dans

Deepwater Horizon is out now on 4K UHD, Blu-ray and DVD in the UK
Watch the trailer below:

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Dunkirk (2017) - Film Review

Review:

*Originally written July 22nd, 2017*

"War. Redefined" 

Holy motherfucking shit! 2017 has been an insane year for cinema so far this year. From Trainspotting 2 to Logan to Baby Driver, it seems to be the year that keeps on giving, Dunkirk is another masterpiece to come from 2017. 

Christopher Nolan is a director I love an adore. All his films have been excellent for me (Except Dark Knight Rises. Fuck that film), he's one of the greatest directors of our time and he's just delivered his best film since The Dark Knight and one of best war films ever made. I know this sounds like hyperbole, but I assure you, it is not.

Dunkirk tells its story in such a unique way, I really wasn't sure what to expect. We get the air, land and sea viewpoint of the events. The event in question being the evacuation of British and French soldiers surrounded with their backs against the ocean on the Dunkirk beach. We're told this through a variety of different characters and time periods that inter-cut throughout the week.

One of the things that had me worried with Dunkirk was its short run-time and lack of character and story. This isn't a film where you follow a fully defined character's story. This is an experience, a visceral, heart-pounding and powerful vision that Christopher Nolan throws you into the middle of. Being just over 100 minutes long also means this doesn't outstay its welcome, being perfectly paced. I was as surprised as anyone when this was announced it wouldn't border a 3 hour run-time, but it still feels like a full experience with its brief length.

Despite not having much to each character, every actor does a fine job. Even One Direction boy Harry Style's fits in wonderfully and doesn't feel out of place at all. Cillian Murphy is excellent as a soldier who is rescued from the ocean by an equally fantastic Mark Rylance who is commanding a small boat heading to Dunkirk to help rescue the stranded soldiers. Lastly, Tom Hardy is also great, even though his dialogue is a little muffled by his mask as he is a spitfire pilot. I would like to rewatch this with subtitles at some point.

Now onto the technical aspects. Shit. Dunkirk is a technical masterpiece. An experience like no other. Everything looks beautiful and feels real, the precision and realism on display is groundbreaking. It's not gory and violent like Hacksaw Ridge or Saving Private Ryan, but creates its atmosphere in other ways. The screen is filled with tension from top to bottom. The sound design is insane, see it as loud as you can. Hans Zimmer's score is one of the best of his career. The incorporation of a ticking clock into the tracks created some of the anxious moments I've ever experienced in cinema.

There's no Hollywood to this film. There's no over the top explosions. No "Fuck yeah!" moments when the good guys turn the table and win. It's just told how it is in the most realistic way possible. The dog-fighting might just be the greatest aerial battles ever put on screen. I loved the way planes didn't explode when they were shot down, they just start smoking and slowly smash into the water in such a cold and clinical way with no glamorisation. It's incredible.

This film is pure dread and tension. The German threat is always off-screen and simply referred to as "The Enemy", giving it an even more unsettling sense. The Enemy could refer to anything, that impending sense of doom, death or whatever you fear, but you know it's coming, making for such a unforgettable experience.

Dunkirk is Christopher Nolan's masterpiece. A unique, powerful war film that defies the conventions and brings some new, beautifully made and classic. Nolan, you are god. I think the Oscars can probably stop their search now.


Bonus points for the mention of Woking (The town I work in)

10/10 Dans

Dunkirk is out now in cinemas in the UK
Watch the trailer below:

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