*Originally written August 18th, 2017*
"Shit Tower"
I'll start by saying I've never read any of the Dark Tower books (Or a Stephen King book to be honest), but from what I've heard from everyone, it is a far from faithful adaption from the books. Books that sound far more interesting than this bland film offered too.
The Dark Tower is a weird film, it has some good ideas, but is never allowed to breathe thanks to its measly 90 minute run-time. Things are always moving, but it never stops once to make me care about the characters. I was also a little iffy on motivations, especially Matthew McConaughey's bad guy. Every character is very thin and barely explored.
We're force feed flashbacks and "visions" to get to know these people, but it's never enough. It starts with a kid called Jake who is some chosen one who sees "The Dark Tower" in his dreams, a tower in another universe that will unleash darkness upon the world if it is destroyed. We quickly learn he is the chosen one that has the only mind strong enough to destroy this tower. Matthew McConaughey's "Man in Black" tries to hunt down Jake and use his powers to destroy The Dark Tower while Idris Elba's "Gunslinger" Roland protects Jake so he can get close and kill The Man in Black as revenge for the death of his father.
There is a clearly a rich world at work here with some cool lore, but this brisk film is far too plot focused. It all feels rushed and messy. We get to point A to B without much interesting happening in the middle. There is potential for scenes between Jake and Roland to bond, but they never really do, making the finale lack any real heart, although the film plays it like it does.
I will admit I did enjoy some of the scenes with Roland's culture shock as he travels from our world from a post-apocalyptic universe. It reminded me of the best moments from the two Thor films. I would have liked to see more of Roland just failing to adapt to the real world and trying stuff out here. Tom Taylor and Idris Elba both do fine jobs. Elba is always effortlessly cool and carries that cowboy charisma extremely well, while Taylor carries a tiny bit of weight with his performance that deserved a much stronger script.
Matthew McConaughey on the other hand is atrocious. A laughably camp panto villain that I couldn't decide was brilliant or just shit. He feels insanely out of place in a film that takes itself so seriously. I had no idea why he was evil and wanted the end of the world either, he just seemed evil for the sake of the plot needing a bad guy.
While there is some visual flourish in the visuals, I'd say the direction for the most part is pretty pedestrian and flavorless, Nikolaj Arcel is a complete jobber and I wish they chose someone more interesting for this project, but I guess the studio needed someone not well established that they could control because this film clearly does not have a singular vision in mind at all. That said, there was some cool stuff here and there. Roland's reloading was pretty awesome and there are a couple of sweet action beats towards the end.
I'd probably have more to say if I was familiar with the source material, but I'm not, so as a standalone summer film, it's just pretty bland, mediocre and very forgettable. I'm pretty sure this series isn't made to be another "Chosen child on a fantasy adventure" thing, but hey, they managed to make into that. What a waste of Idris Elba.
4/10 Dans
The Dark Tower is out now in cinemas in the UK
Watch the trailer below:
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