*Originally written September 22nd, 2017*
"Kill Me"
Oh, dear. I will watch anything Arnold Schwarzenegger is in, that's a given. I was kind of excited for Killing Gunther (Previously: Why We're Killing Gunther), the thought of Arnie playing an egotistical hitman who his hunted by his peers after they finally get sick of his shit is a novel idea and had the potential to be a lot of fun.
Then the trailer happened, and I got worried. Arnie seemed to have slipped into self-parody and the film reeked of cheap, straight-to-DVD garbage. The mockumentary aspect didn't rub me right either. Everything just seemed off and it was not what I wanted or was expecting.
The film itself is now available, and it's a pathetic mess or poor and shoddy film making. A bland, uninspired piece of VOD trash. Nothing about Killing Gunther landed for me. The documentary aesthetic could have worked, but it just made for annoying camera work, and in a film with such fake and embarrassing special effects, the documentary look worked completely against it.
As an action film, it fails miserably. Annoying shakey-cam, on-the-fly style that lacks any kind of visceral impact. The poor and laughable CGI blood looks like some college student did it with Windows Movie Maker, it's pathetic, everything about this reeks like a student film that somehow managed to rope in Schwarzenegger.
Speaking of the big man himself, it's a complete insult that Arnie doesn't make an appearance into the film until about 70 minutes in, and even then he's only in it for around 10 minutes. It's such false marketing to have Arnie front and centre in all the marketing, despite his role being nothing more than an extended cameo. Arnie is still the most fun thing about this, but it's sorta just sad to see him reduced to these self-deprecating roles where he's just regurgitating lines from his glory days for a cheap laugh.
I would be less insulted by the lack of Arnie if the rest of the cast were at least fun to watch, but they're all just horrendously annoying. All the assassins trying to kill Gunther have some lame quirk or gimmick that is the only kind of identifiable trait of character. I can't remember a single name of these characters. I just remember them as "The Main One", "The One With a Robot Hand", "The Tech One" "The Woman" "The Fat One" "The Asian One That Acts Very Effeminate" and "The Two Annoying Tourists".
The film tries its hardest with humour, I wasn't surprised to see this was behind some Saturday Night Live minds. It feels like a stretched SNL sketch. The jokes are lame and uninspired, even the darker humour around the deaths I was just completely left cold by. Nothing worked. Even at under 90 minutes this film felt long, it drags its premise out to past breaking point.
Killing Gunther is one of my biggest disappointments of the year. a bland, boring and cheap piece of VOD trash that is just an embarrassment to watch. Arnie's getting old now, I don't want the end of his career to be making garbage films like this. Complete garbage.
2/10 Dans
Killing Gunther currently has no release date for the UK
Watch the trailer below:
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