Brigsby Bear (2017) - DVD Review

Review:

*Originally written January 15th, 2019*

It's such a shame that Brigsby Bear wasn't more popular than it was, an extremely sweet, funny and original comedy-drama looking at the power film and creativity has over us. It's a small indie-gem that so very little people have heard of. I was lucky enough to see it in cinemas a couple of years ago, but its release was extremely limited. 

I remember going into this having no idea what to expect. All I knew about it was the positive buzz coming out of its festival screenings and a couple of people comparing it to Me and Earl and the Dying Girl (Which I also loved). Plus Mark Hamill was in it and it involved a kidnapping plot. 

It's perhaps a farcical take on a subject matter that might have needed a bit more drama behind it, but it doesn't mean Brigsby Bear lacked in genuine moments of drama and maturity. The film follows James (Kyle Mooney) a man in his late 20s who spent his entire life unknowingly in captivity with only the show "Brigsby Bear" and the studies forced on him by his kidnappers (Who he believes are his parents). 

Brigsby is James' only thing close to resembling a hobby, it's all he's had as an escape his entire life. The problem is it's a made up show made entirely for him and once he's rescued, he has to adjust to the real world while all he knows is Brigsby, so with the help of his new friends and family, he sets out to finish Brigsby Bear in the form of his own homemade movie.

James is a little hard to get behind at first, he does get a little frustrating with his constant obsession with Brigsby, but it pays off in the end as his homemade movie gets going, leading to some wonderful scenes of them attempting to make their own film with next to no experience or knowledge how.

Brigsby Bear itself is a wonderfully creative invention, a no-budget homage to tacky kids and sci-fi shows of the '70s. Thinking back, this really tapped into nostalgia in a way that works, which is rampant in cinema at the moment. But the difference here is showing the importance of how nostalgia and love for art is a great escape from reality and you should be proud of what you made as long as you put heart and commitment into it. It's oddly like the same year's "The Disaster Artist" in reflection. 

I really have a soft-spot about films involving film-making and this was no different. It hits some familiar beats I've seen before in films like this, but it works all the same. Even the surprisingly emotional ending goes exactly where you'd expect, but after the journey we've spent with these characters, it still hits a satisfying spot and makes you wanna make your own film.


Brigsby Bear really is an underappreciated gem that I highly recommend seeking out. It's sweet, funny and only 90 minutes. I'm really interested to see what Dave McCary does next, because if its half as genuine as this, then I'm sold. Oh, and once again, no Blu-ray release in the UK? What in the fuck. No 4K release is understandable, but not even a Blu-ray release in these times is simply pathetic and unacceptable. 

8/10 Dans

Brigsby Bear is out now on DVD in the UK
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Sleepless (2017) - Blu-ray Review

Review:

*Originally written September 18th, 2017*

Sleepless is exactly the kind of middle of the road action film that'll get you through a bored evening. It's the exact type of fodder I'd expect to see play on Channel 5 late in the evening. You watch it, you mildly enjoy it, but you completely forget about it the next day. 

Jamie Foxx is completely serviceable as the lead, the film sets him up to be your typical corrupt cop who's put in an extreme situation when his son is kidnapped and he has to get him back over the course of a night. I have a soft spot for films about corrupt cops, but they make a few disappointing decisions to make Foxx a more typical good guy, which is a shame.

I also really like the idea of setting the film over the course of one night in a more or less single location. Most of Sleepless takes place entirely within a Las Vegas casino as Foxx has to do his thing while avoiding people trying to kill him and Internal Affairs cops after him. 

All the action is completely acceptable. It's never massively interesting, but it's brutal and violent enough to be a good time, without being overly nasty or mean-spirited. The only real standout action scene is the bath house fight, which is probably the closest Sleepless comes to being intense.

I saw this was remake of a much more acclaimed French film, which I am very interested in seeing, but it never got a Blu-ray release in the UK (Gross), but for now, this is perfectly acceptable.


I don't know what else you'd expect from Sleepless, a serviceable, completely forgettable but fun while you watch it, throwaway mid-budget action film. Definitely one of the least offensive of the genre.


5/10 Dans

Sleepless is out now on Blu-ray and DVD in the UK
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Downsizing (2017) - Film Review

Review:

*Originally written January 31st, 2018*

What a waste of potential. Downsizing has a unique and original idea behind, but one that is squandered after a promising first act. Things quickly go downhill as the characters get more annoying and the situations become more aimless and boring.

I never would have thought a film about shrinking humans to try and save the planet could be see bland. The jokes are exactly what you'd expect and it's brutal. After Matt Damon gets shrunk he checks his penis to make sure it's in proportion to his body, it's that sort of thing. All the real jokes are in the trailer and the film is played straight for the most part, apart from bizarre and unfunny jokes about the word "Fucking" instead, most of the film is played relatively straight. 

Most of the time I was just annoyed about the quirkiness of it all and the film is nowhere near as smart as it believes it is. There's a few lines about the humans impact on the environment, immigration and if little people should have the same rights as fully grown human beings. Any potentially interesting story-line is wasted in place of a boring romance that descends into a grating final act. If I had the choice, I probably would have walked out. 

I need to get my biggest gripe out the way, Hong Chau's character, a Vietnamese woman with one leg who becomes Matt Damon's love interest for the remaining two acts of the film. She is brutal. What shocked me is that the actress was actually Vietnamese and she took this role, as she's written as this frankly tasteless and annoying character that comes off as just a huge bit racist. It feels like a Team America archetype brought to life. 

It's not all bad though, there are some things to like, Christoph Waltz is fun in his role as a party hard European and has a lot of likeable charm. Then there is a lot of creativity on display here, we've come a long way from Honey, I Shrunk the Kids in the ability to create convincing effects for shrinking people and in all honesty, it looks pretty good. That's it though, the rest of the film is garbage. Matt Damon is fine I will say, completely fine, nothing special, but he does okay.


Downsizing is a complete waste of potential, a fascinating sci-fi premise that starts well but ends up as one of the worst films I've seen so far this year. A huge misfire from Alexander Payne.

3/10 Dans

Downsizing is out now in cinemas in the UK
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The Lego Batman Movie (2017) - Film Review

Review:

*Originally written February 14th, 2017*

Batman films have had a rocky road these last few years. I wasn't a big fan of The Dark Knight Rises, Batman V Superman was a mess and the recent animated films weren't great. 2014's Lego Movie on the other hand was a pleasant surprise in a way no one expected and Will Arnett's Batman stole the show, so it was inevitable he would get his own film. I wasn't the most keen on this idea, but somehow they not only topped The Lego Movie, they also managed to make the best Batman film since The Dark Knight.

The story starts The Dark Knight in an interesting place. In denial about his loneliness, he raises an orphan he accidentally adopts at a charity auction and has to stop The Joker from releasing all the villains from 'The Phantom Zone'. It's an incredibly simple concept, which lasted a breezy 100 minutes (Beautiful).

This really captured what made The Lego Movie truly great. It has a heart and all the characters are great. We really care about this Bruce Wayne/Batman who has vulnerability and humanity under his snarky ego and obnoxiousness, far more to root for than Ben Affleck's psychotic kill crazy Batman. Will Arnett is also great as the voice, I'm not entirely sure how to judge voice acting, but I'd say Arnett bought a lot to the role.

Michael Cera also made for a wonderful Robin, who was adorable and annoying in an endearing and lovable way. Cera's voice captures that always at 11 optimism personality of the character. The animation of his facial expressions were great, especially the way his eyes enlarged behind his glasses. It made it impossible not to love this character.

I won't list every cast member, because the array of voice actors on display here is insane. I will say that Zach Galifinakis wasn't the most memorable as The Joker, I liked the design of his character, but he did not leave as much of a lasting impact. The cameos from the other villains were much more enjoyable. The spoof of Dark Knight Rises Bane was particularly inspired, complete with mocking Sean Connery like accent. 

There is an outrageous amount of villains here, nearly every single Batman nemesis you can name is here, and even a display of Warner Bros. characters make appearances from the 'Phantom Zone'. I won't spoil them, but think in the vain of The Lego Movie, I was not expecting any of the out of DC villains to show up here. 

As self-referential and meta as the humour is, they make every prior Batman film canon in Lego Batman's universe. There is an insane amount of references to other Batman films and DC in general. There was always so much on display with all the gorgeous stop-motion animation going on, so it was hard to digest it all in a single viewing. They even go as far as mocking the critically panned Suicide Squad and Batman v Superman in a few quick throwaway gags.

The animation itself really is beautiful. It does a lot of creative and inventive things. Warner Bros really are doing an incredible job with their Lego universe right now, and as great as it was, it was really depressing to see that a Lego Batman film is far better than anything they're trying to do with their actual DC films universe. I wish Zack Snyder had half the creative talent of the guys working on the Lego movies.


Lego Batman is pure joy. Fast, inventive, extremely funny and heartfelt. One of the best on-screen outings for Batman ever.

9/10 Dans

The Lego Batman Movie is out now on 4K UHD, Blu-ray and DVD in the UK
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The Post (2017) - Film Review

Review:

*Originally written January 24th, 2018*

Let's be honest, Steven Spielberg is not the filmmaker he used to be, his glory days of Jurassic Park, Indiana Jones, Schindler's List, Jaws and Saving Private Ryan are long behind him. He nearly managed to achieve that level again with  the excellent Bridge of Spies, but most of his recent output have been duds like Lincoln, War Horse and The BFG. 

The Post is sadly another dud and misfire from the once great director. Everything about this film is just a mess. A lot of this i felt was similar to Darkest Hour, another piece of dull Oscar Bait for 2018 awards. You have a potentially tense and engaging story wasted in such a by the numbers and bland drama.

The performances are fine for the most part, although a lot of the supporting cast (Made up entirely of actors from the best TV shows of the last few years) are completely wasted with thankless roles. Tom Hanks is completely fine and comfortable in the role, it's not entirely memorable and his character isn't very interesting, but he's fine. Meryl Streep however, I found to be terrible, almost borderline school play acting. It didn't help that the female characters were so underwritten, despite the prominence in the story and place in history.

A story like this could have been full of tension, instead it's just 
 painfully dull and a chore to get through. Spielberg does actually use some very interesting camera work throughout the film, which shows me there's still a bit of greatness in him, but he just seems to have faded in talent with his old age, much like Clint Eastwood. 

There are moments towards the end where things could have got interesting or had some tension, but instead succumb to the worst of Spielberg's traits. Characters overact and do stupid stuff like drop everything on the floor while they make a phone call because they're so under pressure, it just felt ridiculous and drama for the sake of drama. I also wish we'd actually seen the courtrooms scenes at the end and seen the reporters defend themselves, instead it just... ends.


There's an important message of freedom speech for the press (Which I agree with), but sadly it's buried under a workman like dull drama that's desperate to hit those sweet spots for Oscar voters. Based on yesterday's nominations, it sadly worked. Spielberg has Ready Player One later this year and I really hope that captures the Spielberg magic and wonder that has been so desperately missing for as long as I can remember.

4/10 Dans

The Post is out now in cinemas in the UK
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Coco (2017) - Film Review

Review:

*Originally written January 23rd, 2018*

I really wasn't sure what to expect with Coco, none of the trailers really grabbed me and Pixar's output has been very hit and miss for the past few years, even their last one (Cars 3) was a real dud, but Coco shows Pixar are really in their element when they're creating new stories rather than sequels. (Aside from Toy Story) Which, in all honesty, gets me a tiny bit worried for The Incredibles 2. 

Coco follows the story of Miguel, a young boy in Mexico who is forbidden to play music, despite his skill and passion due to a family descendant who was a musician and abandoned them. He eventually finds himself in the Land of the Dead on an adventure to get the blessing of following his dreams.

I'll get the obvious out the way, Coco is a gorgeous, gorgeous achievement in animation. The designs of the characters are vibrant, colourful and infinitely interesting to look at. So much time, effort and care was obviously put into this, and it pays off wonderfully. I'm always surprised at how Pixar manage to top themselves visually with each film, but they pull it off.

While pulled along by its incredible visuals, the story is also a classic Pixar affair and so insanely is to like and root for. Miguel is so easy to sympathize with and his journey to self-acceptance and the importance of family is done very well. I'd argue that the first hour is a bit done before, but it's not offensive and the last half hour manages to hit you right in the feels with unexpected revelations and a ton of heart and emotion.

I also have a soft-spot for films about music or musicians, this was no different. It's not a musical, but the songs in Coco are catchy and heartfelt. If the final use of "Remember Me" doesn't make you a little emotional, well, then you are are dead inside and you're a garbage human being. I'm amazed at how Pixar manage to make me so emotionally attached to its characters. 

It's so nice to see a film set in Mexico too without the looming doom of the Cartel trying to kill Emily Blunt. It actually turns Mexico into a vibrant happy place full of charm and wonder. The complete opposite of what Trump says about these "Shithole" countries. If Pixar continue to expand like this and explore different concepts and settings as they did here, then they'll continue to make classics for years to come.

Disney seem to have a running theme that I've noticed for the past couple of years. And yes, you guessed it: Their frequent use of mentally challenged animals. Honestly, think about it, the bird in Finding Dory, the Chicken in Moana and now the dog in Coco. What is Disney's deal with shoving in mentally impaired animals? 

We'll see how The Incredibles 2 turns out in the year, but for now, Disney and Pixar have started of 2018 strong with Coco, a gorgeous, emotionally resonate piece of art that's for kids and adults. 

9/10 Dans

Coco is out now in cinemas in the UK
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Darkest Hour (2017) - Film Review

Review:

*January 19th, 2017*

Darkest Hour doesn't feel like a film. It feels like a desperate display of everything wrong with biopic films in hopes of winning that sweet, sweet Oscar. Painfully dull, ugly and overlong, Darkest Hour makes me question why I even like films.

There's nothing genuine or sincere about this film, it's a collection of scenes following Winston Churchill's first days as Prime Minister during World War 2 and leading up to the evacuation of Dunkirk. I appreciated trying to focus on a small time period of Churchill's time in office, but there was never any urgency or anything grab you. For a film about a larger than life character, it's a painful chore to get through.

There's a lot of talk about Gary Oldman's performance and potential Oscar gold. Which is a great shame, I'm not saying his performance was bad at all, the complete opposite, he's the only thing that makes this tedious bore worth sitting through to an extent, it's that he's delivered much better performances in much better films, so if he bags an Oscar for this, then that is everything wrong with film awards. 

Oldman is definitely committed to his role, there's no denying that. The job on the prosthetics make Oldman near unrecognisable in the role. He brings a lot of humour to the even out the dryness of the film too, I was surprised at some of the funnier moments that actually made me laugh. I will say that Oldman's performance does get a little much at times, to the point he was borderline Anime if you know what I mean.

While I'm sure most of the smaller details of the film are based on real life accounts, I could not help but cringe at some of the more laughably bad and embarrassing scenes. In particular, one at the end involving Churchill on the tube is some of the most brutal and pathetic displays of audience pleasing patriotism I've ever seen. 

What's disappointing is just how little there is to this film is how little there is to digest here aside from Oldman's performance. The supporting cast are wasted, especially Lily James, who is reduced to such a pointless role that could have been played by anyone. Ben Mendelssohn is also wasted with his brief few scenes in the film.

I know this is set in London in WW2 too, but did it have to be so drab and ugly? Joe Wright's direction is bland and by the numbers, leaving no kind of distinctive visual style. It felt like a BBC miniseries at some points, just with a bigger actor in the lead role. This might have worked better as a miniseries actually, and a better writer too in all honesty. 


Darkest Hour might bag Gary Oldman his first Oscar, it's just a shame that it would be for this, a bland, forgettable and boring war time drama that's more obsessed with winning awards than telling an involving and interesting story. Cinema is dead.

4/10 Dans

Darkest Hour is out now in cinemas in the UK
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The Shape of Water (2017) - Film Review

Review:

*Original written January 18th, 2018*

I have a strange history when it comes to Del Toro and his films, I tend to like his work a lot, but never truly love it (Aside from Pans Labyrinth). I really had no idea what to expect with The Shape of Water, I knew it would be weird for sure, the concept is bonkers and original, but I never expected to love it as much as I did. For me, this was by far Del Toro's most effective work.

It's a truly original, quirky and whimsical fairy tale like romance. A mute cleaner Elisa (Sally Hawkins) falls in love with a humanoid like sea creature (Doug Jones) that has been kept prisoner in the lab she cleans. Once psychotic colonel Richard (Micheal Shannon) gets orders to kill the creature for dissection, Elisa tries to free the sea creature.

I really have to give the film credit for being original and for a studio to release a film this weird and out there, it's going to be interesting to see how this resonates with mainstream audiences, but I have a hard time imagining they'd accept it. What's craziest about The Shape of Water is just how well all this works, it comes together for an emotional and highly touching film about love and acceptance in the backdrop of the cold war in the 1960's.  

This feels like the perfect love story in film that we need right now and while I had some minor pacing issues with it (It's something I find with all of Del Toro's films), everything made up for it. The relationship between Elisa and the creature is truly touching and sweet, going to some really interesting places that I'd heard about, but still didn't expect. 

The design of the creature is wonderful and unique, it's not weird enough to be freaky, but is human enough to connect with it easily. There's some obvious inspiration from The Creature from the Black Lagoon here and a little bit of Hellboy's Abe Sapien (There were outrageous rumours that this was a secret prequel to Hellboy. It's not.) Jones performance was wonderful too, the creatures starts off with a childlike sense of confusion and fear before it adapts to its surroundings. There's also some moments of dark humour to be found with the creature's naivety, that cat scene I won't forget in a while.

While the creature sure is a main point of the film, the real star here is a Sally Hawkins, who is absolutely wonderful as the mute cleaner who falls in love with the creature. It was great to see a film where the lead character has to communicate a lot with sign language and just facial expressions, it just felt really fresh and seeing two people who couldn't talk develop a relationship based on their mutual interests was so sweet to watch. Some of my favourite moments were just Hawkins feeding the creature boiled eggs and playing him old vinyls. I was fully invested by this thing, which is very rare for me.

Michael Shannon, Michael Stuhlbarg, Richard Jenkins and Octavia Spencer also provide solid support. Jenkins probably having the most developed arc of the supporting characters, playing a repressed gay man in 1960's America was an interesting choice, but made for a compelling side story. Shannon does a great job, but he is in danger of being typecast as mentally unhinged Christian lawmen in period dramas, he's more or less playing his character from Boardwalk Empire here.

Being a Del Toro film, I was not disappointed by the visual style, even his worst films look great, The Shape of Water is no different. From the opening shot to the beautiful ending, this is a feast for the eyes. The sets are gorgeous and realised, and the idea of setting it in the '60s during the backdrop of the Cold War was an inspired choice. 


The Shape of Water is already looking to be one of my favourite films of the year, and it's only January. Please support original films like this. This is a beautiful work of art that is unique and there won't be anything like this for a while. God bless you Del Toro, this might just be your magnum opus.

10/10 Dans

The Shape of Water opens February 14th in theaters in the UK
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All the Money in the World (2017) - Film Review

Review:

*Originally written January 9th, 2017*

"All the Plummer in the World"

Ridley Scott's All the Money in the World will be remembered more for the controversy surrounding Kevin Spacey's removal due to his sexual harassment claims, which in all honesty, is more interesting than the actually film itself.

This is pretty middle of the road Ridley Scott. He's a director who just isn't capable of the greatness he once was. This is far more in line with the director of Body of Lies or American Gangster than the man who created masterpieces like Blade Runner or Alien. There's a fascinating true story here about the kidnap of the grandson of a billionaire and the reluctance to pay the ransom. It's just a shame that is completely by the numbers.

This is by no means a bad film, but it is massively overlong and drags so much. The opening act jumps around in time giving us backstory to all these characters, which wasn't really needed. Scenes that feel they should have tension really don't. There are some moments during the kidnap that are quite engaging, but it doesn't last or it cuts to something else. 

The whole thing surrounding Kevin Spacey is an odd one. We'll sadly never see the Spacey cut, but Christopher Plummer does steal the show as the utterly sadistic and sociopathic Paul Getty. A man who is essential a live-action portrayal of Mr. Krabs from Spongebob Squarepants. While his performance is a little hammy and over the top, it is certainly effective and elevated the film with his presence.

Michelle Williams also delivers an excellent performance as the mother of the kidnapped grandson, I was a bit distracted by her accent at first, but she quickly won me over. Mark Wahlberg was also well.... Mark Wahlberg, doing his usual Mark Wahlberg thing, don't get me wrong, I really like Mark Wahlberg, but there's something off about him in serious and not goofy roles that are much more suited to him.

I hate to say it, but if he was still alive, this would feel far more suited to Tony Scott, who has always been better at this sort of film than his brother. Scott's direction here is very bland and forgettable, I'm going to have trouble remembering anything about this that wasn't Christopher Plummer in a few days.


All the Money in the World isn't terrible, but it is very forgettable and lacks the tension a story like this deserves. It's lesser Scott and is saved mostly due to Christopher Plummer's excellent performance.

6/10 Dans

All the Money in the World is out now in cinemas in the UK
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Molly's Game (2017) - Film Review

Review:

*Originally written January 8th, 2017*

I wasn't entirely sure what to expect from Molly's Game, the trailers were fast and flashy, Jessica Chastain looked great doing her usual thing and it's written by Aaron Sorkin (AKA: The God of Writing) and also directed by him. The whole thing came together for an insanely entertaining and immensely interesting true life story.

Telling the true story of an Olympic skier who eventually goes on to host some of the biggest backdoor poker games in America, Molly's Game is one of those stranger than fiction stories that grabs you from the beginning and just escalates in a classic rise and fall story. 

Jessica Chastain is as outrageously good as she usually is, it's only January and Chastain's Molly Bloom is will probably be one of my favourite performances of the year, endlessly watchable as she spouts out Sorkin's dialogue like it's no ones business. Her portrayal of Bloom is one with complex depth and humanity, they don't shy away from the bad side of her character, but it makes you easily empathize with her. I wish they'd explored her drug addiction a little more and how it took its toll, but they more than make up for that with just how fast this thing moves.

I was massively surprised by Michael Cera's "Player X", a man (Possibly based on Tobey Maguire) who helped build Molly's empire. I found it a novelty at first to see Cera in such a role, but he quickly becomes a compelling and sometimes frightening presence that brings a lot of tense moments and situations.

The real star of Molly's Game is Aaron Sorkin, we know he's good at writing, his dialogue is quick-witted and sharp, making things endlessly watchable, but he also does a great job as a first time director. The film isn't overly stylized or anything, it's not an ugly looking film by any means, it just looks a little plain. Not all films need to be stylish and flashy, but Sorkin clearly takes influence from Scorsese, making for a quickly edited piece of entertainment.


Molly's Game might have been one of the most overlooked releases of recent years. Chastain puts in an award deserving performance while Sorkin continues to be one of the best writers of our time, please seek out this fascinating true story. It's worth it.

9/10 Dans

Molly's Game is out now in cinemas in the UK
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Jumanji: Welcome to the Jungle (2017) - Film Review

Review:

*Originally written January 8th, 2017*

"Jungle Fever"

A sequel to Jumanji coming this late seems like an odd prospect. The first is a treasured childhood classic for a lot of people and the death of Robin Williams just made this seem like an awful idea, then there was the casting of Kevin Hart and the truly awful trailers. Much to my surprise, Jumanji: Welcome to the Jungle is far from the disaster I expected, it's not great, but for the most part, it's perfectly serviceable entertainment.

Updating Jumanji into a video game is something that sounds awful on paper, but works pretty well on screen. They expand the rules of the board, so I guess it can adapt to its surroundings and manipulate anyone around it into playing it. The board was still left exactly where it ended up at the end of the first film, which was a nice touch too.

Things start a little slow, the new cast of kids are actually pretty annoying and kind of assholes. There's the shy nerd, the jock, the hot, self absorbed blonde and the girl who doesn't quite fit in. I have a hard time trying to remember any of these characters. We spend quite a while with them before they enter the board game, it's just a shame the time we spend with them is pretty dull and just feels like a poor mans Breakfast Club.

Once we enter Jumanji, things really start to get fun and pick up. The cast are great (Aside from Kevin Hart, who is just annoying). Dwayne Johnson is just pure charisma from his appearance alone. Karen Gillian is great as the scantly clad explorer with a decent character arc and Jack Black steals the show by being the funniest part. I will mention Bobby Cannavale, who is completely wasted as the villain, a boring piece of cardboard that left no impact. He was nothing on the hunter from the original.

While the CGI is blatant and obvious, there is a lot of fun with the set-pieces. It's over the top and ridiculous and lacks the charm of the original, but it's highly entertaining to watch. There's some cool stuff with the video game elements. Each character has their own unique skills and abilities, some silly and some hilarious (Pie). 

There's really very little to say about Jumanji: Welcome to the Jungle, it's just very basic and undemanding entertainment, you enjoy what you watch, but by the end of it there's very little to process. I will say I loved the ending though. A huge "Fuck you" to films that end with sequel bait. That said, I wouldn't say no to more Jumanji in the future.

6/10 Dans

Jumanji: Welcome to the Jungle is out now in cinemas in the UK
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Bottom 10 Films of 2017

While it's been an excellent overall year for films, that doesn't change the fact there has been some absolute garbage. I've refrained from adding straight-to-DVD films because that would be too easy. The rules are the same, films released in 2017 (UK release dates) and some dishonourable mentions. Let's get to it and give me some Vietnam style PTSD from having to remember them films existed. There'll also be links to the full review of the films I did review.

10. Power Rangers

What could have been dumb fun turned out to be a mercilessly dull and self-serious take on a campy kids action series. It was more in line with 2015's Fantastic Four than anything close to fun. A laughably bad tonal mess with an outrageous amount of Krispy Kreme product placement.

9. Resident Evil: The Final Chapter

Let's be honest, the Resident Evil films have never been much good, and this isn't even the worst one, which is a hell of an achievement. A incomprehensible mess of poor editing and pitch black lighting, making the action impossible to follow and extremely boring. The title is also just a complete lie. It's time for a reboot.

8. The Snowman

One of the strangest messes of the year. The Snowman had no right to be as bad it was. A bland and boring serial killer drama with one of the most laughably bad performances of the year from Val Kilmer, who now looks like the weird love child of Brad Pitt and Tommy Wiseau.

7. Unforgettable

Somehow this film got made. A film that was barely TV movie quality and somehow managed to push the portrayal of women back a few decades. Katherine Heigl was at least fun to see go so over the top, but for the most part, it was just tacky shit.

6. Flatliners

There's not a lot to say about Flatliners, a remake that was disguised as a sequel, yet had absolutely no relation to original, despite Kiefer Sutherland reprising his role from the original, but he wasn't even the same character. A poor remake that has quickly and thankfully been forgotten already.

5. Killing Gunther

I'm a sucker for anything with Arnie in it. So was kinda excited for Killing Gunther, an action comedy with a novel idea. The end product turned out to be a cheap piece of VOD garbage that has Arnie in it for 10 minutes, and when he is on screen, he's just rehashing famous one-liners to cringe-worthy extent. Embarrassing. 

4. The Bye-Bye Man

The Bye Bye Man is pathetic, a laughably terrible and cheap teen horror film that does nothing right. The tagline for the film comes as a warning about the film itself.

3. The Emoji Movie

I came to a realisation while watching The Emoji Movie. Live is meaningless and nothing we do matters.

2. Fifty Shades Darker

Somehow Fifty Shades Darker managed to be even more awful than the first. There's still the laughable novelty of hearing some of the most cringe-worthy dialogue of the year, but it's mostly just dull and boring. This one at least had some of the most outrageous and out of nowhere plot developments that went nowhere. At least there's just one more of these to go and I imagine you'll be seeing that on my bottom 10 of 2018 too.

1. Transformers: The Last Knight

While barely better than the previous entry, Age of Extinction. The Last Knight is still just cinema at its worst. Barbarically overlong, stupid and boring, filled with Bay's trademark childish humour and action that has just got tired by this point in the series. I'd never wanted to die as much as I did after watching this steaming turd of a film.

Dishonourable mentions:

1. iBoy

2. Rings

3. Hidden Figures

4. xXx: The Return of Xander Cage

5. The Boss Baby

6. The Belko Experiment

7. Geostorm

8. Rough Night

9. Sandy Wexler

10. The Assignment

There we go. Now let's enjoy another year of potentially awful films! Salud! 

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Top 10 Films of 2017

I don't want to talk in hyperbole here, but I honestly believe that 2017 has been the strongest year of cinema in which I've been alive from what I can remember. It helps that I've managed to more or less see every release I've wanted to see this year, with the exception of The Killing of a Sacred Deer, Jumanji: Welcome to the Jungle, The Greatest Showman and a few more. This is also based on UK release dates, so a lot of films that are technically this year that aren't released till 2018 in the UK will count as next years list (The Shape of Water, Phantom Thread, Coco etc). I also saw Three Billboards in 2017, but I'm counting that for next years due to the release date being at the end of January. Let's get started anyway. Links to my full reviews will be on each film.

10. Dunkirk 

Christopher Nolan's war epic had a lot going against it: A 12A rating, a strangely short run-time and the odd casting of Harry Styles, yet it all worked so well. An intense survival story that is more concerned with intensity than cliche and sentimentally than most war films suffer from. Harry Styles also managed to be an inspired piece of casting. 

9. mother!

While hated and ignored by the mainstream due to its strangeness and uncompromising vision, I adored Darren Aronofsky's hardcore and terrifying horror film that just unfolds and unfolds until the last act explodes with some of the most insane content I've seen in a cinema ever. It's been a few months now, but everything I saw from this is still very fresh in my head.

8. War for the Planet of the Apes

No one expected the reboot to the Planet of the Apes series to be this good, but we're finally at the end of Caesar's story and it went out in the most heartbreaking and poignant way possible. A blockbuster that was far more focused on character and story than it was mindless action and spectacle. Not to say the action wasn't spectacular, as it was, thanks to the insane CGI used to create Caesar that is still raising questions as to whether Andy Serkis can bag an Oscar in a motion capture suit (He should).

7. The Florida Project

I have yet to see Sean Baker's previous film Tangerine, but after being blown way by this I really need to. A desperately sad, but touching and sweet look at the outskirts of Disneyland Florida. An indie-comedy drama most people won't see, but I really recommend you dig this out and give it a go.

6. La La Land

There was a time where I thought La La Land would be my film of the year, but it somehow managed to not land the top spot. A gorgeous and endlessly watchable musical drama with some of the best energy I've seen for a while. And this is coming from someone who hates musicals.

5. The Disaster Artist

Somehow a film about the making of the worst film ever made managed to be one of the best films of the year. A touching look at trying to achieve your dreams as an actor in Los Angeles while everyone is against your vision. Also, by far the best comedy of the year thanks to James Franco's career high best as the always fascinating Tommy Wiseau.

4. Baby Driver

Once you look past the silly title (Which does make sense), Baby Driver is one of the best films of the year. An electric musical action comedy with the best soundtrack of the year filled with classic rock and a variety of everything. Edgar Wright can do no wrong at this point.

3. T2 Trainspotting

Trainspotting has always had a special place in my heart, I've seen it several times and while seeing these characters again sounded appealing, the 20 year gap and general lack of success with belated sequels had me worried (That awful title too), Danny Boyle managed to surprise me and deliver a film that adds a lot to the first one while taking the characters in new directions. I'd really like to see these characters return in the future too.

2. Blade Runner 2049

Blade Runner 2049 is one of those rare sequels that not only improves on the original, but completely blows it out the water. Denis Villeneuve has made a gorgeous and fully realised film that takes its time and delivers one of the most emotional experiences of the year. It's also nice to see Harrison Ford not phone it in for the first time in a while. Fuck Jared Leto though.

1. Logan

It wasn't going to be anything else. Huge Jacked Man's 17 year run as The Wolverine came to a beautiful and powerful end in a film that was a more a quiet western than it was anything close to a superhero film. A brutal, bleak and depressing drama and the best thing to happen to superhero films since The Dark Knight. The fact Logan won't even get nominated for any Oscars at all is an embarrassment. 

Well, that's my top 10, but here is some honourable mentions:

1. Raw

2. John Wick: Chapter 2

3. Good Time

4. Guardians of the Galaxy: Vol. 2

5. Get Out

6. Battle of the Sexes

7. Atomic Blonde

8. Brawl in Cell Block 99

9. Moonlight

10. Detroit

11. American Made

12. 20th Century Women

13. Star Wars: The Last Jedi

14. Silence

15. Wind River

16. Kingsman: The Golden Circle

17. IT

18. The Handmaiden

19. Song to Song

20. Fences

Thanks for reading and here's to a hopefully excellent year of films. Also look out for my bottom 10 films of the year soon.

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