Fast and Furious Presents: Hobbs and Shaw (2019) - Review

Review:

*Originally written August 5th, 2018*

2019 in cinema continues to underwhelm and disappoint. Hobbs and Shaw is both the ninth entry and first spin-off of this unlikely franchise that started as a piece of early 2000's cringe about street-racing and wanking off onto a car bonnet or something. No one would have expected this series to go as far as it has or get as big as its gotten, but then the fifth film came along and changed things. It was no longer about getting your dick hard over a bit of vibrating engine and metal, they became ludicrously dumb and entertaining action films that continued to push the boundaries of insanity with each one.

Which is why I guess I'm a little underwhelmed by this first spin-off starring Jason Statham and Dwayne Johnson as the titular Deckard Shaw and Luke Hobbs. This is a fun film, as it should be, for the most part. It just never lives up to its potential, which feels like something I've been saying far too much for films in 2019. The same Fast and Furious gonzo and insane set-pieces are still here, but it lacks the surprising heart of the main series and the ensemble cast.

Johnson and Statham no doubt have great chemistry together, which is why some of the strongest scenes from Fate of the Furious was their stuff together, so it's easy to see why they would pair these two up for their own spin-off together. It's just a shame that a lot of the jokes and banter between them feels so juvenile and lame, I was surprised at just how many dick jokes were crammed into the first half. Honestly, I was astonished, I've not heard that many references to cock and balls since the last time I saw a Seth Rogen film.

The plot they're thrown into is very by the numbers and generic. The mismatched pair have to team up despite hating each other (Didn't they get over that in the 8th film?) in order to take down Idris Elba's genocidal cyborg soldier who wants to destroy most of the population with a virus that ends up in the hands of Shaw's MI6 agent sister (Vanessa Kirby). Yeah, it's a hell of a long way from the days of undercover cops and street-racing.

When I first heard Idris Elba was playing a cyborg enhanced super-soldier called Brixton, I couldn't think of anything better. Something as nonsensical and absurd as that to push this series further and further into insanity. Sadly, he's a little underwhelming. It's not all Elba's fault though, he does a fine job with what he's given, bringing a certain menace and charisma to the role, it's just the character that's very underwritten. He has some really cool moments and his arsenal of sci-fi gadgets and physics defying motorbike is awesome, but his motivations are the same as several villains as of late - "Wipe out loads of the world's population in order to save it", it's oddly dull. 

The real breakout star here was Vanessa Kirby, which I did not expect at all. She really holds her own in action scenes and looks like she has a promising career ahead of her in the genre. She even has much stronger moments and lines than either Statham and Johnson. I hope to see much more of her in this series, whether it be the main series or the inevitable sequel to Hobbs and Shaw.

With David Leitch directing, I had no worries about the action on display here, he did a wonderful job with John Wick, Atomic Blonde and Deadpool 2, so it was awesome to see him work with such a huge budget. His work is easily the strongest stuff on display here and where Hobbs and Shaw really comes alive. It's a shame all the action is spoiled in the trailers, but Leitch really does have a handle on things here. From the gravity and physics defying vehicle stunts to the surprisingly crunchy hand-to-hand stuff, it all feels very fun and creative without living up to insanity of the main series, but it's still wonderfully more crazy and over the top than most films with a budget like this would allow.

It's just a shame the downtime between the chaotic scenes of action seem to drag on so much, it has its moments and a very fun cameo, but it honestly feels about 30 minutes too long with so much that could have been cut for a much leaner and easier to watch film. Some gags and jokes drag on for so long they start to feel like a Family Guy sketch, it just goes on and on. I feel like there's a much better film few cuts away from what we got here.


Hobbs and Shaw just feels a bit too by the numbers for a series as insane and crazy as Fast and Furious. There's fun to be had with the really fun set-pieces and seeing Statham and Johnson together, but it all just feels a little underwhelming and not as fun as it could have been. Passable entertainment, but another 2019 film that didn't live up to its potential.

6/10 Dans

Watch the trailer below:

Hobbs and Shaw is out now cinemas in UK and a 4K UHD Steelbook is available to pre-order from HMV

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The Expendables 3 (2014) - 4K UHD Review

Review:

*Originally written March 10th, 2019*

For many, this entry in the Expendables franchise killed it, and to be honest, I can see why. It ditches what people loved about the series so far. The gimmick of these films are the nostalgia of throwback, violent action with the faded action heroes of the '80s and '90s. So it really is bizarre for them to release the third film in this series as a toned down, cleaner entry that sidelines the characters in favour of a younger cast of unknowns.

 Based on this, it's not hard to see why this was received so poorly and has left the franchise dormant for 5 years now (With on and off reports that The Expendables 4 is happening with an R rating again). Despite all the things they just got plain wrong, I still kinda had a good time with this. Sure, the blood, swearing and tone is mostly gone, but it's still head and shoulders above the awful original and it's hard for me to not just take this for what it is and just enjoy it.

The series continued to improve its villains with each entry and this was no different, Mel Gibson is an absolute, scenery chewing maniac here and it is wonderful to see. This came along after he disappeared for a while after his legal troubles and phone call leaks (You can listen to them of YouTube, essential stuff). It's just sorta nice to see him here having a good time and hamming it up, he's the perfect sort of addition to this series. Would love to see Danny Glover in a future entry. 

In terms of the new cast, they are mostly just brutal. A bunch of nobody actors I'd never heard of, aside from Ronda Rousey, who is just awful in everything she does. The whole MMA fighter turned actor thing rarely works, and this might be the best example of that. It's just disappointing what they do with the original Expendables, Terry Crews is quickly written out for most of the film and Jet Li is nowhere to be seen until the end, but he does at least get a surprising pairing with Arnie that is far funnier than it should be. Oh, and Harrison Ford pops up too, who seems to be having the most fun he's ever had on a film in decades. Remember when that guy used to have charisma before giving up? Which reminds me of Bruce Willis's curious absence from here and a few characters just mentioning he's a dick. What happened there?

The action does lose the violent impact of the first two and suffers from some terrible quick-cut editing in order to work around some of the more brutal kills. Why even keep Jason Statham's character as a knife specialist who stabs people brutally if you're just going to cut away? There is some cool stuff going on, the relentless wave based assault on Mel Gibson's compound at the end certainly held my attention for longer than I expected. I'm pretty sure I watched the uncut version too, which did very little to leave an impact on the violence.

Outside of a few choice action scenes, there really is very little here, but it is oddly quite fun, I can't quite put my finger on it. I should absolutely hate this, but I still enjoy it. I think I might even be oddly invested in these characters too, I hadn't seen this in about 4 years and I was strangely compelled and interested by Stallone's Barney Ross here dealing with a ghost of his past. Stallone does a merely okay job conveying emotion, but for what this is, it's fine. 

I was also pretty torn over this 4K release too. On one hand, the detail is extremely strong, pretty much reference quality consistently throughout, but the HDR is a complete mess, colours looked off and weird, blacks looked more like a dark grey than the usual deep and inky blacks I'm used too. It's just a shame, as the detail is so sharp, but someone really fucked up the colour grading of this release. 


The Expendables 3 is far from great, but it's the third in the series of B movies starring faded action stars and it lacks a bit of what made the second entry the best in the series, but it's still good fun and Mel Gibson is endlessly watchable as the villain. Hoping they sort out The Expendables 4 soon. It's been 5 years. I'm ready.

6/10 Dans

The Expendables 3 is out now on 4K UHD, Blu-ray and DVD in the UK
Watch the trailer below:

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The Expendables 2 (2012) - 4K UHD Review

Review:

*Originally written February 10th, 2019*

While the first Expendables film truly is bad, I'd always been a fan of the second, a film the first should of been. Having way more fun with the premise of bringing these faded action stars together to give us some over-the-top, violent and explosive action. Expendables 2 doubles down on everything the first gave us and improves on it at the same times.

Where the first was a self-serious mess of a film, this has a much more playful take on the concept, filled with self-aware humour (That doesn't always hit), but it works more than taking any of these '80s action cliches seriously. And this sequel is rife with fantastic cliches and terrible puns that add to a much more entertaining experience. Jason Statham's Lee Christmas proclaiming "I now pronounce you husband and knife" being a particular stand out.

What surprised me is how Stallone managed to direct the first one so poorly, despite being an extremely competent and great director, releasing Rambo just a couple of years before the first Expendables. That said, it was definitely best Simon West took over the reigns for the sequel and makes the great choice to film all the action during the day and not at night where you can barely make out what was happening. It is a shame that a film that cost $100 million looks so ugly though, the CGI is frequently poor and the emphasise over CGI blood instead of blood squibs is a gross oversight considering these are meant to be '80s throwback films.

There is some suitably brutal and gory violence as the team of mercenaries turn countless faceless henchmen into chunky pieces of red meat throughout, while delivering on some extremely entertaining set-pieces the original lacked. The finale at the airport was probably my favourite of the several action scenes. Plus it was great to see Bruce Willis and Arnold Schwarzenegger return and actually get involved with the action this time and play off each other, which they sadly did not get to do in the first.

I suppose what's most disappointing about these films are just how bland the characters are. The team are more their actors than their characters, while I know it is hard to juggle this huge cast, I barely care about any of them and it's more just fun to see the actors on screen rather than any sort of care for their characters. I honestly could not tell you a single thing about these people despite they seem to be a mismash of previous characters they've played in their careers. 

Who really shines out the cast though is Jean-Claude Van Damme who is perfectly cast in the playful role as the wonderful camp villain "Jean Vilain", he seems to be having the time of his life in the role and it's the sort of silly nonsense these films need to have a sense of personality and once again, a huge step up from the first. I really don't remember who the villain even was in the first. 

The only real thing the first had over the second isn't even to do with film itself. This is a massively disappointing 4K disc, not helped by how the film was shot. There are some moments that boast impressive detail and colour, but a lot of the time the films looks soft and carries a massively inconsistent amount of grain, some of it natural, some of it intrusive. While I was we got a better transfer this is still the best the film has ever looked. 


The Expendables 2 massively improves on the first in every way. Competent and fun action, a self-aware tone and an insane cast. It's fun throwaway fodder that doesn't live up to the potential of its cast, but hell, it's still a blast.

7/10 Dans

The Expendables 2 is out now on 4K UHD, Blu-ray and DVD in the UK
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The Meg (2018) - Film Reviews

Review:

*Originally written August 12th, 2018*

Well, this wasn't meant to happen. Someone greenlit a $180 million film about Jason Statham taking on a 75ft shark to be directed by Jon Turteltaub (National Treasure, Cool Runnings) no less. The weirdest thing about The Meg is not only is not atrocious, but it's actually really good fun. It's complete and utter trash, but it's also some of the most fun I've had with a film all year.

This film is a joke and everyone is in on it, it completely embraces what an absurd piece of nonsense this is and runs with it. Jason Statham is completely committed and knows what he's doing, giving us a surprising amount of charisma from him for once. The opening scene is one of the most laughable and '90s inspirations for character motivation ever (A prelude where the lead character fails to save lives, setting him up to be haunted by his choices).

I'm not familiar with the book series, but from what I gather, it is a lot more nasty and gory than this, as fun as it was, a film with shark attacks could have done with a bit more violence, possibly in tone with Piranha 3D. But, with a budget this big, there is no way they would have gone with a 15/18 rating. Based on interviews, there might be an uncut version out there though.

The creature itself is a fine piece of creation, it's not huge, but it's an intimidating monster that does some nasty stuff through the film (Especially early on to a whale and its child). It's not in it as much as I would have liked, but when it does show up, it is effective for the most part, despite from questionable CG. 

The ensemble cast are exactly what you'd expect, an array of cliche characters that each play a singular part. Rainn Wilson coming off the strongest of the supporting cast and having some of the very few moments that are actually funny out of the barrage of lame humour here. In all honesty, I did laugh at this film more than I laughed with it, which is something? Oh, I forgot, Ruby Rose is in this too, and she is just absolutely atrocious. Hollywood really needs to stop trying to make her a thing.


The Meg is exactly what you'd expect. It's simultaneously one of the most films of year, but at the same time, one of the worst, but it evens itself out to be a huge piece of entertainment. I cannot wait for a sequel where the shark 3 times the size of the one here. Fin.

7/10 Dans

The Meg is out now in cinemas in the UK, with a Blu-ray steelbook available to pre-order from HMV
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The Expendables (2010) - Film Review

Review:

I remember being excited to see The Expendables in 2010, as a 13 year old boy who was raised on '80s and '90s action films on VHS would have been. It came out and I loved it. I grew up a little, I enjoyed the sequels, but upon revisiting the first, I've got to be honest, this is a piece of shit.

The concept is sound, mixing up and making an ensemble film of your favourite action stars of the '80s and '90s and some from the modern day. You have Stallone, Statham, Terry Crews, Arnie, Willis, Jet Li, Mickey Rourke and Dolph Lundgren. Plus some crappy wrestling stars who do straight-to-DVD action films like Stone Cold Steve Austin....

This should have a sure-fire masterpiece, a tribute to the '80s and '90s, a time where action cinema was at its best. Instead what we have is a complete mess of a film. The action is so boring and lifeless, which is incredible, as this was directed by Stallone, who just 2 prior to this, delivered the incredibly violent and visceral final Rambo installment.

In The Expendables however, the action is all drowned out by the poor and dark lighting that gave me Vietnam style flashbacks to watching Alien Vs Predator: Requiem. It is just such a waste of all the talent involved. There are the odd moment of decent action, Terry Crews with the AA-12 shotgun was pretty gory, as was the opening scene with a grenade launcher.

What hurts The Expendables so much too is the poor CGI. Not just the odd off looking explosion, but every single drop of blood looks terrible. I'm convinced not a single blood squib was used, which is just an insult to everything this film tries to stand for. If you're going to try and recreate the '80s/'90s, then use blood squibs, then look so much better, and everyone knows it.

Terry Crews and Sylvester Stallone

I was never expecting much in the story department with this film, but I was hoping for something more compelling than this, and a better villain than... Eric Roberts? Yeah, he's in this as some rogue ex-CIA agent. He leaves next to no impact. The script makes no sense. There was obviously going to be cheesy one-liners, but nothing this pathetic and lazy. The character-arc of Dolph Lundgren's character is one of the most inane things I've ever seen.

I never felt I got to know or even care about any of The Expendables either. We learn so little about any of these characters, aside from the fact Stallone is the leader, Statham uses knives, Jet Li knows martial arts and Terry Crews likes shotguns, oh, and he has a cutthroat razor with his name spelt wrong on it. It's just a monumental waste of everyone involved and no one has a chance to really shine. The main focus is Stallone and Statham, with no one else getting much chance for screentime.

The Expendables is a failure on almost every level. It has a cool idea with its cast, but beyond that, it's a piss poor action film that feels like it easily could have gone straight-to-DVD.

3/10 Dans

The Expendables is out now on Blu-ray and DVD in the UK
Watch the trailer below:

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