The Expendables 3 (2014) - 4K UHD Review

Review:

*Originally written March 10th, 2019*

For many, this entry in the Expendables franchise killed it, and to be honest, I can see why. It ditches what people loved about the series so far. The gimmick of these films are the nostalgia of throwback, violent action with the faded action heroes of the '80s and '90s. So it really is bizarre for them to release the third film in this series as a toned down, cleaner entry that sidelines the characters in favour of a younger cast of unknowns.

 Based on this, it's not hard to see why this was received so poorly and has left the franchise dormant for 5 years now (With on and off reports that The Expendables 4 is happening with an R rating again). Despite all the things they just got plain wrong, I still kinda had a good time with this. Sure, the blood, swearing and tone is mostly gone, but it's still head and shoulders above the awful original and it's hard for me to not just take this for what it is and just enjoy it.

The series continued to improve its villains with each entry and this was no different, Mel Gibson is an absolute, scenery chewing maniac here and it is wonderful to see. This came along after he disappeared for a while after his legal troubles and phone call leaks (You can listen to them of YouTube, essential stuff). It's just sorta nice to see him here having a good time and hamming it up, he's the perfect sort of addition to this series. Would love to see Danny Glover in a future entry. 

In terms of the new cast, they are mostly just brutal. A bunch of nobody actors I'd never heard of, aside from Ronda Rousey, who is just awful in everything she does. The whole MMA fighter turned actor thing rarely works, and this might be the best example of that. It's just disappointing what they do with the original Expendables, Terry Crews is quickly written out for most of the film and Jet Li is nowhere to be seen until the end, but he does at least get a surprising pairing with Arnie that is far funnier than it should be. Oh, and Harrison Ford pops up too, who seems to be having the most fun he's ever had on a film in decades. Remember when that guy used to have charisma before giving up? Which reminds me of Bruce Willis's curious absence from here and a few characters just mentioning he's a dick. What happened there?

The action does lose the violent impact of the first two and suffers from some terrible quick-cut editing in order to work around some of the more brutal kills. Why even keep Jason Statham's character as a knife specialist who stabs people brutally if you're just going to cut away? There is some cool stuff going on, the relentless wave based assault on Mel Gibson's compound at the end certainly held my attention for longer than I expected. I'm pretty sure I watched the uncut version too, which did very little to leave an impact on the violence.

Outside of a few choice action scenes, there really is very little here, but it is oddly quite fun, I can't quite put my finger on it. I should absolutely hate this, but I still enjoy it. I think I might even be oddly invested in these characters too, I hadn't seen this in about 4 years and I was strangely compelled and interested by Stallone's Barney Ross here dealing with a ghost of his past. Stallone does a merely okay job conveying emotion, but for what this is, it's fine. 

I was also pretty torn over this 4K release too. On one hand, the detail is extremely strong, pretty much reference quality consistently throughout, but the HDR is a complete mess, colours looked off and weird, blacks looked more like a dark grey than the usual deep and inky blacks I'm used too. It's just a shame, as the detail is so sharp, but someone really fucked up the colour grading of this release. 


The Expendables 3 is far from great, but it's the third in the series of B movies starring faded action stars and it lacks a bit of what made the second entry the best in the series, but it's still good fun and Mel Gibson is endlessly watchable as the villain. Hoping they sort out The Expendables 4 soon. It's been 5 years. I'm ready.

6/10 Dans

The Expendables 3 is out now on 4K UHD, Blu-ray and DVD in the UK
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The Expendables 2 (2012) - 4K UHD Review

Review:

*Originally written February 10th, 2019*

While the first Expendables film truly is bad, I'd always been a fan of the second, a film the first should of been. Having way more fun with the premise of bringing these faded action stars together to give us some over-the-top, violent and explosive action. Expendables 2 doubles down on everything the first gave us and improves on it at the same times.

Where the first was a self-serious mess of a film, this has a much more playful take on the concept, filled with self-aware humour (That doesn't always hit), but it works more than taking any of these '80s action cliches seriously. And this sequel is rife with fantastic cliches and terrible puns that add to a much more entertaining experience. Jason Statham's Lee Christmas proclaiming "I now pronounce you husband and knife" being a particular stand out.

What surprised me is how Stallone managed to direct the first one so poorly, despite being an extremely competent and great director, releasing Rambo just a couple of years before the first Expendables. That said, it was definitely best Simon West took over the reigns for the sequel and makes the great choice to film all the action during the day and not at night where you can barely make out what was happening. It is a shame that a film that cost $100 million looks so ugly though, the CGI is frequently poor and the emphasise over CGI blood instead of blood squibs is a gross oversight considering these are meant to be '80s throwback films.

There is some suitably brutal and gory violence as the team of mercenaries turn countless faceless henchmen into chunky pieces of red meat throughout, while delivering on some extremely entertaining set-pieces the original lacked. The finale at the airport was probably my favourite of the several action scenes. Plus it was great to see Bruce Willis and Arnold Schwarzenegger return and actually get involved with the action this time and play off each other, which they sadly did not get to do in the first.

I suppose what's most disappointing about these films are just how bland the characters are. The team are more their actors than their characters, while I know it is hard to juggle this huge cast, I barely care about any of them and it's more just fun to see the actors on screen rather than any sort of care for their characters. I honestly could not tell you a single thing about these people despite they seem to be a mismash of previous characters they've played in their careers. 

Who really shines out the cast though is Jean-Claude Van Damme who is perfectly cast in the playful role as the wonderful camp villain "Jean Vilain", he seems to be having the time of his life in the role and it's the sort of silly nonsense these films need to have a sense of personality and once again, a huge step up from the first. I really don't remember who the villain even was in the first. 

The only real thing the first had over the second isn't even to do with film itself. This is a massively disappointing 4K disc, not helped by how the film was shot. There are some moments that boast impressive detail and colour, but a lot of the time the films looks soft and carries a massively inconsistent amount of grain, some of it natural, some of it intrusive. While I was we got a better transfer this is still the best the film has ever looked. 


The Expendables 2 massively improves on the first in every way. Competent and fun action, a self-aware tone and an insane cast. It's fun throwaway fodder that doesn't live up to the potential of its cast, but hell, it's still a blast.

7/10 Dans

The Expendables 2 is out now on 4K UHD, Blu-ray and DVD in the UK
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Creed 2 (2018) - Cinema Review

Review:
*Originally written December 9th, 2018*

When it was announced that Creed 2 would be losing Ryan Coogler as a director and continuing on from the events of Rocky IV and bring back the Drago family looking to rematch the Creed name, alarm bells who ringing. Don't get me wrong, I like Rocky IV a lot, but I much prefer the grounded and real take the series thrives on for me, so bringing back these dangerously '80s cartoon characters just seemed like a terrible idea on paper. Somehow though, it managed to work very well. 

Creed 2 finds Adonis Creed a bit more arrogant and cocky, dealing with being the heavyweight champion of the world and the relationship with his girlfriend. This all comes crashing down when Ivan Drago (The man who killed Adonis's father in a boxing match) comes to Philadelphia to challenge Adonis to a boxing match with his son to reclaim the Drago name after Rocky defeated him in the events of the fourth film. 

There was something inherently sad and pathetic about Ivan Drago this time round. He's not the one dimensional cartoon character we knew from the '80s, he's instead a broken man rejected by his country after his defeat. Coldly raising his son with overbearing and brutal training regimes and fights in order to make the Drago name mean something again. I was so surprised to find the highlight of a film featuring Michael B Jordan and Sylvester Stallone to be overshadowed by Dolph Lundgren's cold and restrained performance that completely reinvents the character. 

That's not say Adonis and Rocky don't have their own compelling arcs in Creed 2, they do. It's a bit predictable and by the formula we all know by this point, but it works. Adonis is once again struggling to live in his father's shadow and instantly takes the chance to fight Drago to initially disastrous results. Michael B Jordan continues to absolutely fierce and committed in the role, he's doing that angry, emo thing he did in the first Creed and Black Panther, but it's still very effective.

When it comes to the physical side of things, the boxing is always the least interesting thing about this series for me, I care about the characters foremost, but Steven Caple Jr. does a solid job filming the fights in their brutality, especially the first match between Drago and Creed. Florian Munteanu is a complete beast as Viktor Drago, being his only acting role to date, I had my reservations, but his physical performance is very strong and he's a great addition to franchise.

I was a bit disappointed by the smaller role Rocky takes on this time as Adonis's trainer. After Stallone got an Oscar nomination for his surprisingly powerful role in the first Creed, I was maybe expecting a little too much here. Stallone is still perfect in the role, playing the right amount of possibly mentally challenged, humble and likeable, even making way for some sweet moments (I could watch him to to Adrian at her grave for a whole film). It was just a shame how he disappears for large portions of the film and if this is truly Stallone's last time playing Rocky, then it leaves it on a hopeful and happy note for the iconic character. 

I'm just not entirely sure I want to see this franchise continue without the inclusion of Rocky Balboa. It's clear they want to pass on the torch to Michael B Jordan to continue the series, but if I'm honest, I'm here for Rocky mostly, even though Adonis is a very good character on his own. 


Creed 2 hits the formula we've seen countless times, but it shows that with a strong cast, characters and storytelling that everything can come together to work. Not as great as the first Creed, but another excellent entry to the Rocky franchise that only has one bad film to its name so far. 

8/10 Dans

Creed 2 is out now in cinemas in the UK with a 4K UHD Steelbook available to pre-order from HMV now
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Escape Plan 2: Hades (2018) - Film Review

Review:

*Originally written July 29th, 2018*

Jesus Christ. The first Escape Plan was hardly great, but it was at the very least a solid piece of escapism (Sorry) entertainment with Arnie and Stallone. I knew this was in trouble when Arnie opted not to return and for some reason the studio saw this "franchise" as viable enough to film not one, but two sequels at the same time. I'm not sure how well this sold, but I can't imagine the producers aren't regretting that decision based on the awful reviews and what little interest there was in this, but now they're stuck with a third film they've paid for and filmed.

There is so little to say about Escape Plan 2: Hades. It's the laziest of straight-to-DVD sequels. Insanely poorly directed, wastes its cast (Stallone is barely in this), the editing of the action is a complete shambles. It looks cheap and ugly, there's some interesting neon lighting among the garbage sci-fi channel level visuals. Every attempt to make "Hades" a futuristic prison is painful to look at. 


I was so disinterested and bored by this, I only watched it due to the fact I liked the first one, I can't imagine I'll be rushing to see 3 when it arrives next year.

2/10 Dans

Escape Plan 2: Hades is out September 17th on Blu-ray and DVD in the UK
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Tango and Cash (1989) - Film Review

Review:

*Originally written August 1st, 2017*

"Rambo's a pussy"

Tango and Cash is a fitting end to 1980's action cinema (It was one of the last films to be released in the '80s). It's a mash-up of everything that came before it. So much stuff is thrown at the wall to see what sticks and the result is a wonderfully demented piece of '80s joy. 

Sylvester Stallone and Kurt Russell are perfectly matched as two hot-shot cops who are forced to work together after being framed for a murder they didn't commit. They have great chemistry and really carry the film together, leading to one of the greatest film-ending high-fives ever put on screen.

The whole film is balls out the bath insanity, riffing off the decade of action films that came before it. There's shades of Commando, Lethal Weapon and Raw Deal in here, but mashing it all together makes way for one of the most unique and beautiful experiences the '80s had to offer.

It upsets me that this film flopped and was so poorly received at the time. Tango and Cash should have been a franchise with at least 5 films at this point. The first 3 being good, then the 4th and 5th killing the franchise for good before the inevitable reboot/sequel in the mid 2010's riding on nostalgia.

I digress. This film on its own is a masterpiece. Every cheesy one liner is so bad, it's fantastic. At one point Stallone even proclaims "Rambo's a pussy". The action is loud, bombastic and over the top. There's a set-piece towards the end at a construction site (A staple of '80s finales) where the bad guy has a never ending supply of armoured monster trucks, because of course, why wouldn't he? While it is violent, I was surprised at how tame it is and still earned an "18" rating in the UK. I guess the BBFC haven't got round to reassessing it yet.

This also holds one of the greatest moments in cinema history (No hyperbole) and that is the scene where Kurt Russell has to escape from a club by dressing up as a woman. I am not joking. It's this sort of unhinged insanity that makes Tango and Cash a joy to watch. If anyone can send me a link to the music where Kurt Russell's revealed in drag, I will love you forever. Harold Faltermeyer delivers one of the best scores of his career with his wonderfully funky beats.

There's a henchman who is meant to be British, but just sounds Australian and it's hilarious. I even wonder if the filmmakers know what a British person sounds like? The bad guys in general are typical '80s fodder, a power hungry crime boss that would feel more in place within a Bond film.

Speaking of Bond, while Tango and Cash is a buddy-cop film. There's a character who is essentially Q from the Bond films. Supplying Tango and Cash with weapons that are clearly not part of any police officer's equipment list. At one point Kurt Russell walks in on him experimenting with a fake dog that has a gun for a mouth for the purpose of "Senior protection".


Tango and Cash is genius. An essential piece of '80s action cinema with two great leads, great action and an insane amount of absurdity on display. Why don't they make films like this anymore?

10/10 Dans

Tango and Cash is out now on Blu-ray and DVD in the UK
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The Expendables (2010) - Film Review

Review:

I remember being excited to see The Expendables in 2010, as a 13 year old boy who was raised on '80s and '90s action films on VHS would have been. It came out and I loved it. I grew up a little, I enjoyed the sequels, but upon revisiting the first, I've got to be honest, this is a piece of shit.

The concept is sound, mixing up and making an ensemble film of your favourite action stars of the '80s and '90s and some from the modern day. You have Stallone, Statham, Terry Crews, Arnie, Willis, Jet Li, Mickey Rourke and Dolph Lundgren. Plus some crappy wrestling stars who do straight-to-DVD action films like Stone Cold Steve Austin....

This should have a sure-fire masterpiece, a tribute to the '80s and '90s, a time where action cinema was at its best. Instead what we have is a complete mess of a film. The action is so boring and lifeless, which is incredible, as this was directed by Stallone, who just 2 prior to this, delivered the incredibly violent and visceral final Rambo installment.

In The Expendables however, the action is all drowned out by the poor and dark lighting that gave me Vietnam style flashbacks to watching Alien Vs Predator: Requiem. It is just such a waste of all the talent involved. There are the odd moment of decent action, Terry Crews with the AA-12 shotgun was pretty gory, as was the opening scene with a grenade launcher.

What hurts The Expendables so much too is the poor CGI. Not just the odd off looking explosion, but every single drop of blood looks terrible. I'm convinced not a single blood squib was used, which is just an insult to everything this film tries to stand for. If you're going to try and recreate the '80s/'90s, then use blood squibs, then look so much better, and everyone knows it.

Terry Crews and Sylvester Stallone

I was never expecting much in the story department with this film, but I was hoping for something more compelling than this, and a better villain than... Eric Roberts? Yeah, he's in this as some rogue ex-CIA agent. He leaves next to no impact. The script makes no sense. There was obviously going to be cheesy one-liners, but nothing this pathetic and lazy. The character-arc of Dolph Lundgren's character is one of the most inane things I've ever seen.

I never felt I got to know or even care about any of The Expendables either. We learn so little about any of these characters, aside from the fact Stallone is the leader, Statham uses knives, Jet Li knows martial arts and Terry Crews likes shotguns, oh, and he has a cutthroat razor with his name spelt wrong on it. It's just a monumental waste of everyone involved and no one has a chance to really shine. The main focus is Stallone and Statham, with no one else getting much chance for screentime.

The Expendables is a failure on almost every level. It has a cool idea with its cast, but beyond that, it's a piss poor action film that feels like it easily could have gone straight-to-DVD.

3/10 Dans

The Expendables is out now on Blu-ray and DVD in the UK
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