The Lion King (2019) - Review

Review:

*Originally written July 20th, 2019*

The original Lion King is no doubt my favourite film Disney has ever released. I remember when this was announced I was actually quite excited for it, as I quite liked the Jungle Book remake and a couple of the others. Then something changed, maybe it was me or just the fact I just started to quickly see the rapidly declining state of cinema as these live-action Disney remakes got churned out faster and faster. I mean, this is only the third of five planned films this year alone. I lost all my will towards these after the dull Aladdin.

It turns out my fears were founded. We've dug this property out of its graved, given it a $200 million coat of paint and failed to do anything unique or interesting with it. Yes, it's competently made as it goes through a story we've seen previously beat for beat, but it never amounts to anything close to exciting or capturing the magic from Disney's long gone glory days. 

It's the law of diminishing returns in full effect. I'm okay with remakes as long as you do something interesting and change it around a little. Hell, I give Tim Burton's Dumbo even more credit now for at least straying away from the original film and taking the story in a different direction. This just regurgitates a story with seen before. It lacks any sort of surprise or tries to do anything to make it worth retelling the story. It's just so lazy and cynical.

The most annoying thing is the fact it's very competently made. The CGI effects here bringing the photo-realistic animals alive are genuinely incredible and are incredible to look at. Simba as a cub is insanely cute and easy to get attached to, while Scar still has his intimidating design that makes him a great villain, but lacks Jeremy Irons sinister voice performance. 

While the animals do look insanely realistic, it also works as a disservice to the story. The 2D animation of the original film made these characters very emotive and easy to care about. This "realistic" depiction has a harder job as the characters here do not emote at all. It's very strange and makes it hard to feel anything when they go through the emotional beats. They always just look like animals who's mouths move, but their faces stay the same, it's so weird and off-putting, taking me completely out the film. It's strange, as they managed to pull this off a lot better (From what I remember) with their Jungle Book remake, but 3 years on, the realism of the animation is better, but completely takes you out the performance and fails to create an emotional bond with these characters, despite the Hamlet inspired story and script unfolding more or less shot for shot.

The star studded cast are very hit and miss. There are some very inspired performances that work, like John Oliver as Zazu and Seth Rogen as Pumbaa, who were both surprising highlights for me. Everyone else though, sadly failed to leave an impact on me. It was cool to have James Earl Jones back as Mufasa, but that must have been an easy paycheck for him, just replicating his performance from 25 years ago for an each paycheck. Barely any of this cast came close to capturing the charm of the original. Shame they didn't have cameos from any of the original cast, although Matthew Broderick is probably too busy killing women in car "Incidents" (The word "Accident" would imply no one is to blame) in Ireland. 

This film is going to make over $1 billion and it's inevitable. It's fine. I have no faith left in cinema anymore and these live-action remakes aren't going to stop coming, plus I'm always going to see them out of curiosity. I just feel the same about The Lion King as I have about several others. It boasts groundbreaking special effects to bring this stuff to life, but it loses the heart and soul that made the original films so wonderful. I just left this feeling cold and wishing I just watched the gorgeous 4K remaster of the original instead. 


I remember when I'm going through the Disney classic animated films for the first time (Which I'm still working through), I watch them and think I can't wait to watch them again, but with all three of the live-action remakes so far this year, the last thing I've wanted to do is see them again. I have faith Disney will hopefully do something interesting once they've burned through their library of films to remake. Hell, maybe even the inevitable sequels to the live-action remakes will at least do something different with the story and take them to uncharted territory. As for now, we're just continuing to rehash old stories to depressing effect and it's a shame, as I know Disney are much better than this when they want to be.  

5/10 Dans

The Lion King is out now in cinemas in the UK
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Men in Black: International (2019) - Review

Review:

*Originally written June 17th, 2019*

The Men in Black franchise has never been one of the best franchises in the world, but it sure as hell deserves better than this abysmal reboot/spin-off. This is just another generic, uninspired Hollywood film that forgets what made the original films watchable.

It lacks anything close to an identity, as it just steals parts of other franchise films in order to make something so forgettable, it's embarrassing. Every aspect of Men in Black: International just feels like it's from something else. It's got the ugly boring CGI of any other overblown summer film, the lame comedy from Marvel films aimed at 6 year-olds and even the incredibly overdone "Portal in the sky" finale that we've seen countless times for the past decade.

I will admit, I did have some mild faith in this. F. Gary Gray just directed the extremely entertaining Fate of the Furious and Chris Hemsworth and Tessa Thompson worked together wonderfully in Thor: Ragnarok, so it seemed at the very least this would be an entertaining film with some creative action and two likeable leads.

It is not. Hemsworth lacks any kind of charm or charisma that he's known for, with a character so empty, uninspired and boring with quippy lines that do not land in the slightest. I can't believe his comedic chops were put to better use in the female led Ghostbusters reboot from a few years ago. Tessa Thompson on the other hand, fares a lot better, with a much more interesting character arc.

I was worried they were gonna rehash a lot from the original with her story-line by having her mirror the path Will Smith's Agent J went on, but instead she's someone who has spent her whole life looking to join the Men in Black after they failed to have her memory erased as a child. It least meant we didn't have to have this character go through all the same training we'd seen before, as she's instead shoved straight into action in the form of a mission to London and ends up partnering with Chris Hemsworth's Agent H.

From then on it just becomes a boring, generic and predictable story with twists that you'd have to be absolutely brain-dead to not see coming within the first half hour. I don't mind a predictable story, as long as there's something fun going on during it or it at least has interesting characters and creative action. International carries none of that. It all just feels like a painful chore.

Even Thompson and Hemsworth partnership lacks the chemistry we know they have based on Thor, so it was bizarre to see them work together in a way that lacked any sort of charm. They sorely lack anything close to Will Smith and Tommy Lee Jones' heart and chemistry that carried the trilogy. Thinking about it know, I assume they were hired based on Ragnarok and then they just assumed it would work, but failed to write a script with any sort of wit or nuance that would suit them. 

There's not even the incredible and practical creature designs from the first few films, it's just weightless and flat CGI that feels far too smooth and glossy. What made the originals so great is just how off-putting and weird these creature designs once were, it felt risky and weird to make something that would potentially put people off it. Here, it's just a lame attempt to make the appeal broader in order to obviously continue to branch out the series. 

Not a single part of this film felt like it was made by people who actually cared about what they were making. It just feels like a checklist of what these big-budget summer films have as they check it off one by one without any sort of creative input or style. Men in Black 2 is not a great film by any means, but even that had far more going for it than this pathetic piece of garbage.


Men in Black: International is just Hollywood film-making at its worst, completely soulless, cynical and generic to the point I have no desire to see this series I grow up with continue. The last thing I'd expect to be from a Men in Black film is bored, but hey, 2019 continues to disappoint with their franchise films. I shouldn't have expected anything less.

3/10 Dans

Men in Black: International is out now in cinemas in the UK
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Aladdin (2019) - Review

Review: 

*Originally written May 22nd, 2019*

Yeah, I'm pretty much done with these live-action Disney remakes now. I had a soft-spot for a couple and I really liked Beauty and the Beast and The Jungle Book, but after the mediocre Dumbo and now this incredibly bland and cynical remake of Aladdin, I'm over it. I just wish I turned on these films faster, because in all honesty, they deserve it.

What makes a little of these films great is how tight, fun and entertaining they are. The original Aladdin is even one of my favourite of Disney's animated classics and this re-imagining brings absolutely nothing new to the table and does so very little to justify its existence outside of printing money for Disney. A company I'm very quickly beginning to despise. 

The problem I have with this and earlier this years Dumbo is just wasting the directors. I'm not the biggest fan of Guy Ritchie, but I give him credit when it comes to style, he has own unique sensibilities that feel present in all of his films, for better or worse. His films can be very obnoxious at times, but there is some entertainment in his quick-witted dialogue and incredibly stylised action. His films feel like his own. If I had no idea Guy Ritchie directed this and then afterwords discovered this, I would have thought it was a joke. Aside from two very brief moments, there is not a single ounce of wit or style that makes this feel like a Ritchie film. 

It once again feels like a film directed by a corporate machine with no flair for the cinematic. So much of this feels flat and lifeless. Some of the songs are obviously very good, as they were in the original and the  updates of these songs are absolutely fine, but everything just lacks energy, making it seem like some tiring chore. It's amazing to me that a film with a budget this insanely high can feel so uninteresting and dull. There seems to be a lot going on screen with these musical numbers, but the way its shot makes it seem so damn boring. 

It's a shame too, in hindsight, an Aladdin film from Guy Ritchie actually sounds like an interesting idea. The style from his early British crime films could have actually merged well with the story of a young street rat here, but it's so safe and uninteresting. They do not take a single risk with this update and it shows. It honestly made me wish I was watching Ritchie's King Arthur: Legend of the Sword, one of his biggest flops and a film that was panned left, right and centre, but that still displays more creativity and unique style than anything onscreen in Aladdin. 

It's not all bad though. Even with the horrific marketing, Will Smith somehow managed to be the best thing about this. He brings a lot of charm and charisma to the role, despite the questionable character design. His performance in this is very much Will Smith being Will Smith, but by the time he joins the film, it was a welcome addition. Relative unknown Mena Massoud also gives a fairly solid performance as Aladdin, he's not amazing, but he carries the film well enough.

Marwan Kenzari's Jafar is a big miss. A completely one note and boring villain who's motivations are nothing more than "He's evil", it's just annoying. If they're going to spread these stories out for an extra 40 minutes from their animated originals, they could at least try and use this time to expand on character, but instead they just add filler between the plot beats we already know in order to get the film to around the 2 hour mark. 


There's so little to say. It is what it is, a deeply cynical cash grab with a solid Will Smith being himself and a few moments of fun from songs you remember from your childhood. Too competently made to be called bad, but so deeply unoriginal and pointless to be called good. I can't believe I'm saying this, but what a waste of Guy Ritchie....

5/10 Dans

Aladdin is out now in cinemas in the UK
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Rampage (2018) - Film Review

Review:

*Originally written August 22nd, 2018*

I might have been a bit harsh on Rampage the first time I saw it, I don't think I was in the mood and it made me hate it more than it deserved. Don't get me wrong, this is still a mess of a film, but it has its moments and is still one of better video game film adaptations. Part of me is glad I bit the bullet and picked up the Blu and rewatched it.

You should know what to expect from a film where Dwayne Johnson has to save his friend George (An ape) after a mysterious substance enters his cage and turns him huge and homicidal. There's also a giant wolf and crocodile involved too. After seeing the big dumb pathetic mess that was Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom, it made me appreciate this much more. 

My main problem is probably with the characters. Dwayne Johnson is playing the same character he plays every film. He's got charm and charisma, but him doing the same routine over and over again has finally gotten old. I'd say the abysmal Skyscraper was the final breaking point for me, but this comes close. By far the best part was the relationship between Johnson and George, I just have a soft spot for apes, but there is some charm and chemistry between Johnson and the giant CGI creation. 

I forgot just how weird Jeffrey Dean Morgan is in this too. A Texas cowboy with a weird swagger that makes him come off more sociopathic than cool. His mean spirited treatment of one of the bad guys at the end was really odd to me and just didn't sit right with tone of this film. 

For a film about 3 rampaging creatures, there is very little action too. Most of it builds up to the final battle, in which the 3 creatures finally meet up in the city for the Rampage. While the last act is by far the most entertaining, it is a drag to get there, despite the short 100 minute run-time. There is a cool moment paying homage to Aliens early on, but that moment is far too brief and fleeting. I was surprised at some of gore and violence they were aloud to get away with in a 12A, but I seem to say that a lot. I guess times are changing and dumb family friendly aimed blockbusters are aloud to be edgier.


While it's far from great, you get what you expect from Rampage, a film best on an '80s arcade game and while it is a bit of a slog to get through, it picks up and feels sorta worth it by the end. Of the two overpriced blockbusters Dwayne Johnson has starred in this year, this is by far the best.

5/10 Dans

Rampage is out now on 4K UHD, Blu-ray and DVD in the UK. With a Blu-ray steelbook available from HMV. 

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Avengers: Infinity War (2018) - Film Review

*Originally written May 3rd, 2018*

Review:

Avengers: Infinity War had a lot to live up to. It's the culmination of an insane 18 films of hit-or-miss quality and 10 years of build up. I had my worries about Infinity War. Packing all these characters into such a huge film. Would it work? I wasn't sure. While it is far from perfect, this is a fun, effective, ambitious and surprisingly emotional epic that spells the beginning of the end for a decade worth of superhero films.

The structure is more in line with Guardians of the Galaxy Volume 2, while the characters never all meet up in one huge scene (And a couple are curiously absent), everyone has their moment to shine and a part to play. A lot of the team-ups were unexpected, but mostly work. It's hard to talk about without spoiling, which I will not do.

Marvel has always had a villain problem, 90% of them are bland and throwaway fodder just to fill the space of a bad without any real character. Thanos, on the other-hand is a completely different beast. Josh Brolin delivers an extremely developed and compelling villain. It's so rare that a villain comes along where you completely agree with his motivation and why he does what he does. Despite being the bad guy, he has genuine heart and emotion behind him, leading to a moment of surprisingly brutality that I didn't think the MCU had in it. It really helped that Brolin is given such a huge amount of screen-time, possibly more than the heroes themselves.

Much like the Guardians films, this is an extremely gorgeous film to look at, filled with mostly impressive CG (Aside from a couple of Thanos' throwaway goons). It's not just the CGI too, the cinematographer is top notch too, there's so many bright and beautiful locations, a far cry from the ugly and televisual Age of Ultron.  Alan Silvestri's score was also fantastic. Again, scores are something the MCU seem to overlook, so it was great to hear a memorable orchestral score in a Marvel films.

Like I said, it's not all perfect though. A big problem I have had with the MCU is the lame humour and while there is quite a bit of eye-rollingly embarrassing comedy here, it's not as intrusive as it has been in the past. It's much more in line with Civil War, where they let moments of emotion breathe rather than throw in some stupid joke and remove any kind of tension. That said, there are some moments that are genuinely funny, it's not massively hilarious, but I do have to remember these kids films, despite how dark and mature Infinity War gets.

And Infinity War does get dark. A lot of people die, some long running, some not. While some of the deaths will be impossible for the MCU to commit to, it didn't make the ending scenes any less haunting or unsettling. There were one or two deaths that just got a collective shrug from me though, particularly the ones early on.

Infinity War really is a hard film to talk about, it's half a film, despite losing the "Part 1" in the title, this really feels like the first part of a film, and luckily we only have a year to see the resolution to the Empire Strikes Back style ending, but based on this, I'm sure it'll be worth the wait.


Superhero fatigue might be slowly kicking in, but Infinity War manages to be an ambitious and devastating entry into the now 19th film MCU that are slowly learning from their mistakes. I don't know what more I could have wanted from this film.

8/10 Dans

Avengers: Infinity War is out now in cinemas in the UK
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