The Grinch (2018) - Cinema Review

Review:

*Originally written November 14th, 2018*

I feel a bit harsh going in to trash a kids film. I know I'm not the target audience for this sort of thing, but still, I expected something a bit more ambitious than this completely safe and mostly bland retelling of The Grinch story. In all honesty, I've never actually seen another telling of this story, but even so, I'd felt like I'd seen it all before. 

Illumination as a company have produced some of most annoying animated films of recent years. I think I hate them. I like the first 2 Despicable Me films to an extent, but that was mostly due to everything with Gru and the kids, everything Minions related can fuck right off (I was horrified to discover The Grinch had a Minions short film attached to it). I don't think I've seen one of their films I've liked since the second Despicable Me. Secret Life of Pets was abysmal, Boss Baby was weird and Despicable Me 3 was just too much for me. I'm so scared at how they're going to handle the Shrek franchise now. 

For The Grinch itself, like I said, it's completely safe. Benedict Cumberbatch (Who?!) does a great job in the titular role, I barely recognised his voice at times, but he bought a lot of character to the role. The film really shined early on when the Grinch is just a complete bastard, before inevitably learning to find joy again and enjoy Christmas.

There's attempts at humour and heart here that fall completely flat. A whole chunk of The Grinch is dedicated to a little girl trying to give Santa a letter about what she wants for Christmas (Which does eventually pay off), but every moment with her and her family is a drag and made me wish we were back with The Grinch and his dog. 

I suppose that's because there is very little story to be told here. It's a simple arc that feels like it had maybe 20 minutes of material stretched out to an 80 minute run-time. I was actually hopeful going in knowing this short run-time, but instead found myself bored very early on and wanting it to end. It all just goes exactly where you'd expect and I'm really disappointed they did nothing to subvert expectations. Illumination are far from Pixar.

At the very least, The Grinch boasts gorgeous and creative animation that involve some decent enough set-pieces. I loved the design of the town and the rich colour pallet that really sparked, creating a lovely, candy coloured adventure. I just wish the story had as much weight as its visuals. Can't wait to see this again at some point with HDR.


The Grinch is what it is. A stretched out retelling of Dr Seuss's story with top quality animation that will definitely entertain children, but do very little for adults. Another meh release from Illumination.

5/10 Dans

The Grinch is out now in cinemas in the UK
Watch the trailer below:

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Die Hard (1988) - Film Review

Review:

*Originally written December 20th, 2016*

"Merry motherfucking Christmas"

What is there to say about Die Hard that hasn't already been said? It's the perfect action, it's the perfect Christmas film. It's quite possibly the best film of the '80s. Which is an astonishing achievement considering it's the same decade that had Lethal Weapon and Commando to compete with, but Die Hard comes in at the top. It's a sharp, tight and fast-paced action film that changed action cinema forever.

John McClane is the every man. A normal cop coming to LA to reconcile with his estranged wife and see his kids at Christmas. What works so well is that John McClane is a human. He's a vulnerable person who gets hurt. He's not an '80s bullet-shield of sociopathic tendencies (We have to wait 4 sequels for that).

Willis brings the charisma and marks himself as a definitive action star, giving us a lead who's charismatic and cocky, yet vulnerable and has heart. It's amazing to see how far this character has come in 28 years. With the last 2 films in the Die Hard series, he's a shadow of his former self and more in line with a superhero than a New York City cop.

Alan Rickman is also amazing as Hans Gruber, one of the best villains in cinema history. A slimy and ruthless, yet lovable terrorist who is actually nothing more than a thief. This is all helped by a sharp script that is insanely well written. Every character is rounded and has some depth. The chemistry with Willis and Bonnie Bedelia works and feels real, bring a heart to the film that gives the ending a heartwarming feel that very few Christmas films manage to give me.

That's another thing. Die Hard is a Christmas film. I don't give a shit what you say. Not only is Die Hard a Christmas film, it's also the greatest Christmas film of all time. It's entirely subjective as to what counts as a Christmas film for you, but I think it can be best summed up as "A film that feels weird to watch outside of Christmas". And for me, Die Hard does. Watching it any other time of year just feels... wrong.

As an action film Die Hard is pure perfection. I really, really miss films like this. No bullshit CGI nonsense, just practical effects and beautiful blood squibs. I love every death in this film. The way Takagi's head explodes with brain matter splatting on the window? Gorggggeeeeousssss. Today's directors should really take note of what Die Hard did, there have been some fun, but pale imitations of Die Hard. Hell, "Die Hard" is a term used a sub-genre of action anyway, but people are really missing the point.


So that's Die Hard. One of the best action films of all-time, the best Christmas films of all-time and one of the best films of all-time. Pure perfection in every way. Goddamn, motherfucking art.

10/10 Dans (Rewatch)

Die Hard is out now on Blu-ray and DVD in the UK

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A Bad Moms Christmas (2017) - Film Review

Review:

*Originally written November 6th, 2017*

"Family Christmas"

I don't remember a lot about the original Bad Moms, but I remember it being at least a little better than this. A Bad Moms Christmas walks such a fine line of mediocrity it's oddly interesting. I was amazed at just how little of this Christmas film was memorable. I only saw it a few hours ago and I'm failing to recall what really happened.

It was disappointing to see the three leads spend so little time together. Instead focusing on their own mums (I'm English) who all appear just in time in for Christmas. In all fairness, the new mums introduced for the sequel were the highlight, especially the mother of Mila Kunis's mother played by a sociopathic  Christine Baranski. 

I wanted to see more of what I liked about the first one. From what I remember it was more about how being a mum takes away from the fun of life. Here it's just an obsession about making Christmas good for your kids. Aside from the montage of the mums getting drunk at a mall, there's very little of these characters taking control of their life. It's played very safe, and it's very disappointing. I was just reminded on the outrageous amount of montages used in this. Seriously, there's about 3 too many.

I guess my main problem was just the lack of actual jokes for the most part. I'm honestly not recalling a single time Mila Kunis even tries to attempt comedy in this. It even goes the route of unearned sentimentality towards the end in order to try and earn its place as a Christmas classic. None of it works. I was on the side of these characters pushing their mothers out their lives for good by the end, but no, of course they couldn't have that. So it's a suitably bland and generic happy ending that sets up a potential sequel/spin-off.


I sound like I hated this, but in all honesty, it is very watchable. It just walks its line of mediocrity and never dips into anything atrocious, but never great. There are a couple of genuinely funny moments, but nowhere near enough to call this a recommended comedy. One of the easiest 5/10's I've given this year.

5/10 Dans

A Bad Moms Christmas is out now in cinemas in the UK
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