The Lion King (2019) - Review

Review:

*Originally written July 20th, 2019*

The original Lion King is no doubt my favourite film Disney has ever released. I remember when this was announced I was actually quite excited for it, as I quite liked the Jungle Book remake and a couple of the others. Then something changed, maybe it was me or just the fact I just started to quickly see the rapidly declining state of cinema as these live-action Disney remakes got churned out faster and faster. I mean, this is only the third of five planned films this year alone. I lost all my will towards these after the dull Aladdin.

It turns out my fears were founded. We've dug this property out of its graved, given it a $200 million coat of paint and failed to do anything unique or interesting with it. Yes, it's competently made as it goes through a story we've seen previously beat for beat, but it never amounts to anything close to exciting or capturing the magic from Disney's long gone glory days. 

It's the law of diminishing returns in full effect. I'm okay with remakes as long as you do something interesting and change it around a little. Hell, I give Tim Burton's Dumbo even more credit now for at least straying away from the original film and taking the story in a different direction. This just regurgitates a story with seen before. It lacks any sort of surprise or tries to do anything to make it worth retelling the story. It's just so lazy and cynical.

The most annoying thing is the fact it's very competently made. The CGI effects here bringing the photo-realistic animals alive are genuinely incredible and are incredible to look at. Simba as a cub is insanely cute and easy to get attached to, while Scar still has his intimidating design that makes him a great villain, but lacks Jeremy Irons sinister voice performance. 

While the animals do look insanely realistic, it also works as a disservice to the story. The 2D animation of the original film made these characters very emotive and easy to care about. This "realistic" depiction has a harder job as the characters here do not emote at all. It's very strange and makes it hard to feel anything when they go through the emotional beats. They always just look like animals who's mouths move, but their faces stay the same, it's so weird and off-putting, taking me completely out the film. It's strange, as they managed to pull this off a lot better (From what I remember) with their Jungle Book remake, but 3 years on, the realism of the animation is better, but completely takes you out the performance and fails to create an emotional bond with these characters, despite the Hamlet inspired story and script unfolding more or less shot for shot.

The star studded cast are very hit and miss. There are some very inspired performances that work, like John Oliver as Zazu and Seth Rogen as Pumbaa, who were both surprising highlights for me. Everyone else though, sadly failed to leave an impact on me. It was cool to have James Earl Jones back as Mufasa, but that must have been an easy paycheck for him, just replicating his performance from 25 years ago for an each paycheck. Barely any of this cast came close to capturing the charm of the original. Shame they didn't have cameos from any of the original cast, although Matthew Broderick is probably too busy killing women in car "Incidents" (The word "Accident" would imply no one is to blame) in Ireland. 

This film is going to make over $1 billion and it's inevitable. It's fine. I have no faith left in cinema anymore and these live-action remakes aren't going to stop coming, plus I'm always going to see them out of curiosity. I just feel the same about The Lion King as I have about several others. It boasts groundbreaking special effects to bring this stuff to life, but it loses the heart and soul that made the original films so wonderful. I just left this feeling cold and wishing I just watched the gorgeous 4K remaster of the original instead. 


I remember when I'm going through the Disney classic animated films for the first time (Which I'm still working through), I watch them and think I can't wait to watch them again, but with all three of the live-action remakes so far this year, the last thing I've wanted to do is see them again. I have faith Disney will hopefully do something interesting once they've burned through their library of films to remake. Hell, maybe even the inevitable sequels to the live-action remakes will at least do something different with the story and take them to uncharted territory. As for now, we're just continuing to rehash old stories to depressing effect and it's a shame, as I know Disney are much better than this when they want to be.  

5/10 Dans

The Lion King is out now in cinemas in the UK
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Super (2010) - Blu-ray Review

Review:

*Originally written March 16th, 2016*

2010's Super is a bizarre little film that was sadly over shadowed and mostly forgotten due its release so close to Kick-Ass, a film with a similar premise and ultra-violence. The comparisons are there and while I feel Super is definitely the weaker of the two films, it still holds up on its own and has its own unique feel and quirk to it.

After losing his wife to a drug dealer played by Kevin Bacon, Rainn Wilson takes up the misguided journey of winning her back by becoming a vigilante called the 'Crimson Bolt', he eventually is joined by Ellen Page's kid sidekick 'Boltie'.

The tones all over the place, it jumps from drama to pitch black comedy mostly very well, but there were a few moments that did not sit well with me at all. The rape scene in particular just felt off to me. Some of the jarring violence also just didn't sit with me either. While being a comedy, the violence is so graphic and gory, like way more than Kick-Ass, which went for more cartoony and over the top. Super on the other hand feels far more grounded with its portrayal of violence, you see people get killed in such brutal and low-key ways that it just felt disgusting. We're meant to root for this guy, but at one point he smashes a guy and woman's heads in with a wrench purely for butting in line, it really drew the line for me in whether I should be rooting for the "hero" of the story.

Rainn Wilson's character Frank is clearly a disturbed guy who justifies his violence and sees his mission as a sort of calling from god, which he sees in his own delusions. So the guy is clearly mentally ill, something I wish was explored a lot more. Wilson's performance was excellent though, I can't imagine anyone else in this role, he goes from pathetic, to sympathetic, to bad-ass over the course of 90 minutes and it felt right.

Ellen Page was also great as the sidekick, although her character was grating at times, she started off as really annoying, but her character grew on me as it went on and she delivers some of the best lines of the whole film. Her character's end is also extremely shocking and unexpected. 

I do appreciate James Gunn's use of practical gore, it truly is horrific and disgusting at times, which I'm sure is the intention. I do sound like I'm being negative about it, but I do really like Super, I like the idea of a more grounded normal man as a superhero film, despite the shortcomings. I don't believe this deserved to flop or be forgotten as much as it did either, but I'm glad Gunn managed to move on and get a gig directing Guardians of the Galaxy, which he did an amazing job with. 

I also really like how it subverted expectations with some of the twists. Involving a subplot with a police officer which comes to an unexpected and abrupt end, and the same with Ellen Page's character who goes down during the final battle.

One of my biggest problems is just how cheap this looks too. It feels very televisual, which is due to the low budget, but it does look ugly despite a nice colour scheme. Some of the editing is also really weird, I didn't like the use of '60s style Batman cartoon fonts popping up either, it just felt weird. 

There was a surprising heart at the centre of it all too, all thanks to Wilson's performance. You really do care for Frank most of the time and at moments it is really touching. Helped by Tyler Bates excellent score which delivers some genuinely nice tracks like "Two Perfect Moments", which I have loved since ever since the films release. 


Super is an angrier and more nasty relative of Kick-Ass, but it still holds its own thanks to Rainn Wilson's performance, Gunn's writing and direction and some nice gore, you just need to look past the bitter taste and the insane tonal shifts.

7/10 Dans

Super is out now on Blu-ray and DVD in the UK
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Brigsby Bear (2017) - DVD Review

Review:

*Originally written January 15th, 2019*

It's such a shame that Brigsby Bear wasn't more popular than it was, an extremely sweet, funny and original comedy-drama looking at the power film and creativity has over us. It's a small indie-gem that so very little people have heard of. I was lucky enough to see it in cinemas a couple of years ago, but its release was extremely limited. 

I remember going into this having no idea what to expect. All I knew about it was the positive buzz coming out of its festival screenings and a couple of people comparing it to Me and Earl and the Dying Girl (Which I also loved). Plus Mark Hamill was in it and it involved a kidnapping plot. 

It's perhaps a farcical take on a subject matter that might have needed a bit more drama behind it, but it doesn't mean Brigsby Bear lacked in genuine moments of drama and maturity. The film follows James (Kyle Mooney) a man in his late 20s who spent his entire life unknowingly in captivity with only the show "Brigsby Bear" and the studies forced on him by his kidnappers (Who he believes are his parents). 

Brigsby is James' only thing close to resembling a hobby, it's all he's had as an escape his entire life. The problem is it's a made up show made entirely for him and once he's rescued, he has to adjust to the real world while all he knows is Brigsby, so with the help of his new friends and family, he sets out to finish Brigsby Bear in the form of his own homemade movie.

James is a little hard to get behind at first, he does get a little frustrating with his constant obsession with Brigsby, but it pays off in the end as his homemade movie gets going, leading to some wonderful scenes of them attempting to make their own film with next to no experience or knowledge how.

Brigsby Bear itself is a wonderfully creative invention, a no-budget homage to tacky kids and sci-fi shows of the '70s. Thinking back, this really tapped into nostalgia in a way that works, which is rampant in cinema at the moment. But the difference here is showing the importance of how nostalgia and love for art is a great escape from reality and you should be proud of what you made as long as you put heart and commitment into it. It's oddly like the same year's "The Disaster Artist" in reflection. 

I really have a soft-spot about films involving film-making and this was no different. It hits some familiar beats I've seen before in films like this, but it works all the same. Even the surprisingly emotional ending goes exactly where you'd expect, but after the journey we've spent with these characters, it still hits a satisfying spot and makes you wanna make your own film.


Brigsby Bear really is an underappreciated gem that I highly recommend seeking out. It's sweet, funny and only 90 minutes. I'm really interested to see what Dave McCary does next, because if its half as genuine as this, then I'm sold. Oh, and once again, no Blu-ray release in the UK? What in the fuck. No 4K release is understandable, but not even a Blu-ray release in these times is simply pathetic and unacceptable. 

8/10 Dans

Brigsby Bear is out now on DVD in the UK
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Top 10 Films of 2018

2018 has been an interesting year for films to say the least, from the increasingly political angry and relevant films, to actors careers being ruined due to previous allegations and scandals in a now toxic Hollywood. There's been good and bad films (Some very bad), Netflix has even made more good films than they usually do this year, which is a far cry from the barrage of garbage they gave us in 2017. This is also the year I got a new TV and started watching things in 4K, which has definitely been a huge improvement on my film watching. 2018 has also been the year I've seen the most new releases in quite some time, but also the least amount of films I've seen overall in the space of a year due to work and a variety of different things, but hey ho, here's my top 10 films I've seen from 2018. (All based on UK release dates)

Still to see: Mary Poppins Returns, Bumblebee, Bird Box, Upgrade, Eighth Grade Journeyman, Whitney.

Honourable mentions: Ladybird, Hereditary, Thoroughbreds, Widows, BlacKkKlansman, Annihilation, A Quiet Place, Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse, Sorry to Bother You, Mandy. 

10. Halloween

2018's Halloween had a lot of hard work to do, it had years of terrible sequels to undo and create a worthy sequel to John Carpenter's original and iconic slasher masterpiece, but they pulled it off masterfully, delivering one of best slashers I've seen in quite some time. It's dark, brutal and they've made Michael Myers scary again, and it was written by Danny McBride of all people. 

9. First Reformed

I wasn't entirely sure what to expect from Paul Schrader's First Reformed, I'd heard a lot of buzz, but I didn't even see a trailer before going in. What I got was an extremely tense and unsettling drama about faith that goes to some insane places while Ethan Hawke delivers possibly the best performance of his career. This is one I'll definitely be revisiting to get more out of.

8. The Shape of Water

There's a lot of expectations going into a film after it wins the best picture Oscar, which is unfair. Thankfully, I watched it before I even knew it had Oscar chances and I absolutely adored it. A gorgeous and sweet fantasy romance filled with quirky touches and a beautiful message about acceptance. An Oscar deserved.

7. Phantom Thread

On paper Phantom Thread really isn't my bad, a period romance about a dressmaker? Thankfully Paul Thomas Anderson's masterpiece is something I really should have had more faith in, it's a deeply twisted, hilarious and surprising drama with an expectedly amazing performance from Daniel Day Lewis. 

6. The House That Jack Built

Lars Von Trier is a director who's never really clicked with me until The House That Jack Built, I find a lot of his films I've seen to just be try hard, edgy and pretentious nonsense that's there to push boundaries and not a lot more. Yes, The House That Jack Built is edgy and boundary pushing, but it just clicked with me. Despite how horrific the acts of violence are (I still need to see the uncut version) towards women and children, this is still one of the funniest films of the year and it's 2 and a half hour run-time flew by. Plus it's final shot is one of the best of year. Fame.

5. Leave No Trace

Leave No Trace is a film that came out of nowhere for me and it's a shame more people aren't talking about it, because it's easily the most depressing, powerful and heartbreaking indie films of year. A beautifully shot tale about a soldier with PTSD and his daughter adjusting to the real life after living in the woods, it subverts expectations and makes for insanely effective viewing. Ben Foster and Thomasin McKenzie should both be talked about for Oscar season.

4. Three Billboards Outside of Ebbing, Missouri 

A morally complex black comedy about one woman's struggle with the justice system after the police fail to find the person who raped and killed her daughter. It took me a couple of watches to truly love Three Billboards, but I am fully on board with it now, compelling and powerful with an insane cast lead by an outstanding Frances McDormand. Coen Brothers vibes throughout are also very welcome.

3. Mission: Impossible - Fallout 

No one, including myself had any idea that the sixth film in the Mission: Impossible franchise would be anywhere close to the top of this list, but they once again pulled it off to deliver not just the best action film of the year, but one of the best action films ever made. Every single set-piece feels like something a film would save for it's finale, but Fallout just tops it every few scenes and even gets deeper into Cruise's Ethan Hunt than we've ever done before. Tom Cruise nearly dies for our entertainment on a regular basis and it continues to be worth it. The main is a saint.

2. You Were Never Really Here

Lynne Ramsay's You Were Never Really Here is Taxi Driver for a new generation. A brutal, unforgettable ride of the art-house genre. In another universe this is a grind-house action film with Joaquin Phoenix as a hammer wielding paedophile hunter, but what we got is far more meaningful, beautiful and just harrowing to watch. Art-house cinema rarely gets better than this.

1. A Star is Born

I know, I didn't expect this either. My film of the year is a music drama starring Lady Gaga and Bradley Cooper, but it works far better than it had any right to. A human and deeply depressing story about a fading musician meeting an up and comer while her career begins to shadow his as he struggles with alcohol addiction. Cooper and Gaga both give powerful performances while Cooper also delivers a beautiful shot film with a ton of energy and sadness. Pure cinema. I can't wait to see what Cooper directs next.

So that's it, my top 10 films of 2018 locked in forever. I won't be doing a bottom 10 list this year, but I will be doing my 10 most anticipated of 2019. here's to another year of films. God bless.

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Creed 2 (2018) - Cinema Review

Review:
*Originally written December 9th, 2018*

When it was announced that Creed 2 would be losing Ryan Coogler as a director and continuing on from the events of Rocky IV and bring back the Drago family looking to rematch the Creed name, alarm bells who ringing. Don't get me wrong, I like Rocky IV a lot, but I much prefer the grounded and real take the series thrives on for me, so bringing back these dangerously '80s cartoon characters just seemed like a terrible idea on paper. Somehow though, it managed to work very well. 

Creed 2 finds Adonis Creed a bit more arrogant and cocky, dealing with being the heavyweight champion of the world and the relationship with his girlfriend. This all comes crashing down when Ivan Drago (The man who killed Adonis's father in a boxing match) comes to Philadelphia to challenge Adonis to a boxing match with his son to reclaim the Drago name after Rocky defeated him in the events of the fourth film. 

There was something inherently sad and pathetic about Ivan Drago this time round. He's not the one dimensional cartoon character we knew from the '80s, he's instead a broken man rejected by his country after his defeat. Coldly raising his son with overbearing and brutal training regimes and fights in order to make the Drago name mean something again. I was so surprised to find the highlight of a film featuring Michael B Jordan and Sylvester Stallone to be overshadowed by Dolph Lundgren's cold and restrained performance that completely reinvents the character. 

That's not say Adonis and Rocky don't have their own compelling arcs in Creed 2, they do. It's a bit predictable and by the formula we all know by this point, but it works. Adonis is once again struggling to live in his father's shadow and instantly takes the chance to fight Drago to initially disastrous results. Michael B Jordan continues to absolutely fierce and committed in the role, he's doing that angry, emo thing he did in the first Creed and Black Panther, but it's still very effective.

When it comes to the physical side of things, the boxing is always the least interesting thing about this series for me, I care about the characters foremost, but Steven Caple Jr. does a solid job filming the fights in their brutality, especially the first match between Drago and Creed. Florian Munteanu is a complete beast as Viktor Drago, being his only acting role to date, I had my reservations, but his physical performance is very strong and he's a great addition to franchise.

I was a bit disappointed by the smaller role Rocky takes on this time as Adonis's trainer. After Stallone got an Oscar nomination for his surprisingly powerful role in the first Creed, I was maybe expecting a little too much here. Stallone is still perfect in the role, playing the right amount of possibly mentally challenged, humble and likeable, even making way for some sweet moments (I could watch him to to Adrian at her grave for a whole film). It was just a shame how he disappears for large portions of the film and if this is truly Stallone's last time playing Rocky, then it leaves it on a hopeful and happy note for the iconic character. 

I'm just not entirely sure I want to see this franchise continue without the inclusion of Rocky Balboa. It's clear they want to pass on the torch to Michael B Jordan to continue the series, but if I'm honest, I'm here for Rocky mostly, even though Adonis is a very good character on his own. 


Creed 2 hits the formula we've seen countless times, but it shows that with a strong cast, characters and storytelling that everything can come together to work. Not as great as the first Creed, but another excellent entry to the Rocky franchise that only has one bad film to its name so far. 

8/10 Dans

Creed 2 is out now in cinemas in the UK with a 4K UHD Steelbook available to pre-order from HMV now
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First Man (2018) - Cinema Review

Review:

*Originally written October 16th, 2018*

I had really high hopes for Damien Chazelle's First Man. Whiplash and La La Land were some of my favourite films from the years they came out. There was high buzz, critical acclaim and Oscar talk for this, but when I saw it, I was sadly just pretty underwhelmed. It exceeds on a technical level, but a lot of the film is sadly just a bit of an overlong slog to get to.

I wanted to love this Neil Armstrong biopic, but I was just left cold, but I cannot deny some of the amazing craft that went into making it. With a title like First Man, it's pretty obvious what this is. A biopic leading up to Armstrong's successful mission to the Moon as he becomes the first man to set foot on it.

There's a ton of focus on Armstrong's relationship with his family. Opening with a heartbreaking event that the film just doesn't manage to come close to through its run-time. I have my problems with biopics, they often feel very Oscar baitey, especially the cradle to grave ones. Thankfully, this focuses on a very specific period in Armstrong's life, hitting all the things you'd want to see. 

I was unsure about Gosling's performance as Armstrong at first. He plays it in that same way he did Drive, where he does long pauses and stares before answering a question he's asked. Making him seem possibly autistic. But once I was informed this is what Armstrong was really like, it made a lot of the scenes a lot better in reflection. A particular scene where he has to tell his kids he's leaving and the way he goes about telling them is a huge highlight. I'm gonna be very surprised if Gosling doesn't at least score a nomination for this.

Claire Foy also does an excellent job alongside Gosling as Armstrong's wife, who has to go through the emotional ringer as an astronauts wife, wondering if he'll ever come home and dealing with emotional distance he keeps while training for the history changing mission. Making her such a prominent focus in the story was a smart move and brought a lot more humanity to Gosling's stoic performance. 

I'd mentioned the technical aspects of First Man, and once those moments in space and the training hit, they hit hard. Chazelle makes space seem so cold, empty and terrifying. It's helped by the use of amazing camera work that rarely leaves the from the viewpoint of the Astronauts, making the shuttle seem claustrophobic and scary, especially with the incredible sound design. I'd recommend seeing this on the biggest and loudest screen possible. 

I'm sounding hugely positive towards First Man, but in all honesty, it is let down by some really poor pacing. This thing feels extremely dragged out, you feel every moment of the 140 minute run-time and I'm ashamed to say I did nod off for a brief few moments, which is probably my fault for going to see a film like this on very little sleep. But I just can't help but feel this could have been much tighter if they cut out a good 20-30 minutes of footage.

The buildup to the event itself is honestly worth the wait though. Once they get to the moon it really is some of the most spectacular sights cinema has had to offer in 2018. Everything felt genuine and real, this only could have felt more realistic if they actually went and filmed on the moon itself. It's even capped off with a scene of genuine emotion as Armstrong pays tribute to the opening event of the film that turned him the way he was. 


First Man isn't the masterpiece I wanted it to be, it's too long and a little dry, but it more than makes up for this in the technical department and I'm sure it'll sweep up at the Oscars. It might be something I'll enjoy more on a rewatch, but for now I'm both a little disappointed and impressed. Can't wait to see what Chazelle and Gosling do next.

7/10 Dans

First Man is out now in cinemas in the UK, with a 4K UHD Steelbook available to pre-order from HMV
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A Star is Born (2018) - Cinema Review

Review:

*Originally written October 9th, 2018*

I'd never seen a previous adaptation of this story, but with Bradley Cooper directing his first film and being very impressed by the trailers, I was intrigued, but nothing prepared me for a film of this maturity, honesty and craft. I was unsure going in, I just didn't expect to be this blown away going out.

I've got a real soft spot for these music set dramas. To my surprise this isn't really a musical in the traditional sense, there's musical performances, sure, but it all feels fluid and organic. No one just jumps into song and dance, which I honestly find a little grating and why I'm not the biggest fan of musicals. I much preferred the music being reserved for actual scenes taking place on a stage.

Instead this is just a powerful and honest story about an aspiring star getting into a relationship with a fading country singer. It goes to some very dark and uncomfortable places as Bradley Cooper's Jack starts to succumb to his addictions, putting Lady Gaga's Ally's music career in a compromising place.

I had this concern it might go to drama for dramas sake. Making the film over 2 hours was a really smart choice. We see Jack and Ally's relationship start as he discovers her singing in a drag bar and chooses to launch her career as it begins to overshadow his. Cooper's performance is incredible, an utter powerhouse of emotion and some of the best and hard to watch drunk acting I've seen. It was depressing and uncomfortable to watch, but it was effective. I'd be amazed if he doesn't get at least an Oscar nomination.

As a first time director, Cooper is also creating some of the best work I've seen from his career. He has the craft and care of a director who's been working for decades. I couldn't believe for his first film he managed to balance so many plates and deliver such a compelling and hard-hitting drama. He's a real talent and I cannot wait to see what he does next. He hits at relevant themes of fame, jealousy, depression and alcoholism in ways that feel shockingly real and honest. I can never see this one ageing badly.

My biggest question mark behind A Star is Born going in was Lady Gaga's performance. A tiny role in Sopranos aside, I'd only ever seen her act in American Horror Story, which was tacky trash. but she pulled off an over the top villainess in the context of the show, so I was interested to see if she could pull of a serious drama. And she does, she really holds her own and has real chemistry with Cooper, bringing natural emotion to the proceedings, making things feel real and making that ending so damn hard to watch. It helps she's also a natural talent when it comes to singing and she shines in the much earlier songs before her career turns to tacky pop crap. Which I assume was the point.

The earlier songs in the film are so great. This is easily the best original soundtrack of the year and I know I'll be listening to a lot of these songs again. I loved all the country and rock stuff in the first acts, but while I wasn't keen on the later poppy stuff, it was natural to the film. I was also surprised at how strong Cooper's singing voice was too, he really held his own and delivered some genuinely great songs.

I can't get over how beautiful this film was too. It's filled with gorgeous shots with incredible lighting that won't leave my head for a while. The cinematography was something being rightfully pointed out when the trailers first started dropping, but I was pleased to see the film was incredible to look at all the way through. I can't believe Matthew Libatique was the cinematographer on this and Venom released in the same week. What a contrast.


A Star is Born is a masterwork, a timeless and powerful tale that gets the best of everyone involved. It's a beautiful, bleak and depressing masterpiece and might just be the film of the year by the end of it. This one is gonna sweep at the Oscars. Deservedly.

10/10 Dans

A Star is Born is out now in cinemas in the UK
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Gotti (2018) - Blu-ray Review

Review:

*Originally written September 30th, 2018*

You Gotti see this film. Gotti has Gotti be seen to be believed. Honestly, it's The Room of 2018, a film that's an insane disaster on all levels. Structurally incoherent, awfully written, outrageously performed and misguided in the sense it makes out some disgusting criminal to be a hero of the people. 

I'm sure there's a fascinating film to be made about Gotti at some point, probably from a much safer pair of hands (Probably Scorsese), but not from Kevin Connolly (Yes, that one from Entourage). The fact this was meant to be John Travolta's shot at Oscar gold is just hilarious in itself.

Travolta's performance is a hard one to decipher. Part of me knows he's trying his hardest for some shot at awards recognition, but the other part of me just feels he was just here to take the piss. There are some minor moments where a convincing performance comes through, but 95% of the time he's giving such an insanely over the top and ridiculous performance of a New York Italian mob boss that it feels like parody. Travolta's turned up to 11 New York accent is remarkable, making way for some of the most unintentional comedy of the year. The film opens and closes with him overlooking New York at night while addressing the audience and saying "New Yawk, the greatest city in the world" and "There won't ever be another guy like me, even if you live to 5,000 years old", before smash cutting to credits. 

As a crime film it feels remarkably dull, going through the motions and things you've seen countless times in much better films. Made worse by the fact this feels like a jumbled mess of scenes to piece together this monster's life. We spend far too much time on things that aren't interesting and skim over the potentially intriguing stuff. 

For example the scene where Gotti's son dies after an accident involving a neighbour, it is brushed over and resolved so quickly. The character's grieve and get over it within 5 minutes and they do not go into the murder of the neighbour who accidentally killed his son at all. There's just a brief news report of what happened to him. I know it was never confirmed in real life that Gotti had him killed, but it's pretty obvious and it's weird the film didn't even have the balls to address the possibility. Honestly, the Wikipedia page about Gotti is far more interesting.

I feel this was just a scene of random and meaningless assassinations at one point. I swear to god, there is no less than three montages of people getting "whacked" through this entire experience. It's all done in such a poor and cheap manner, it's low-budget, sure, but it's no excuse for a film that got released theatrically to look like a made for TV biopic. It's clear everyone involved in the making of this was just very under experienced for had only worked in TV.

As well, it is appalling that the filmmakers have decided to go the route that John Gotti is a hero of the people and constantly just harassed by the government, despite, you know, him being a murderer and criminal. I'm actually unsure what his other crimes are aside from a bunch of assassinations? I don't think they ever mention once what any of his other criminal activities were? This is all also made so much worse by the use of real footage of random people putting up signs like "Long live Gotti". Fuck those morons. If I was walking down the street and I saw someone praising a murderer and criminal in the streets, I would spit on them. 

I nearly forgot that there's 3 songs from Mr Worldwide himself, Pitbull and there are absolutely horrendous. They feel like something from Popstar: Never Stop Never Stopping and not a serious gangster biopic aiming for Oscar recognition. 


When it's all said and done, Gotti is worth watching for just how hilariously bad it is and Travolta's completely gonzo performance that just falls flat at every turn. Imagine if Tommy Wiseau had directed Goodfellas, that's what we're dealing with here. It's fascinating and for that I'm calling it now, it's the best bad film of the year. Long live Gotti.

2/10 Dans

Gotti is out now on Blu-ray and DVD in the UK
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Sleepless (2017) - Blu-ray Review

Review:

*Originally written September 18th, 2017*

Sleepless is exactly the kind of middle of the road action film that'll get you through a bored evening. It's the exact type of fodder I'd expect to see play on Channel 5 late in the evening. You watch it, you mildly enjoy it, but you completely forget about it the next day. 

Jamie Foxx is completely serviceable as the lead, the film sets him up to be your typical corrupt cop who's put in an extreme situation when his son is kidnapped and he has to get him back over the course of a night. I have a soft spot for films about corrupt cops, but they make a few disappointing decisions to make Foxx a more typical good guy, which is a shame.

I also really like the idea of setting the film over the course of one night in a more or less single location. Most of Sleepless takes place entirely within a Las Vegas casino as Foxx has to do his thing while avoiding people trying to kill him and Internal Affairs cops after him. 

All the action is completely acceptable. It's never massively interesting, but it's brutal and violent enough to be a good time, without being overly nasty or mean-spirited. The only real standout action scene is the bath house fight, which is probably the closest Sleepless comes to being intense.

I saw this was remake of a much more acclaimed French film, which I am very interested in seeing, but it never got a Blu-ray release in the UK (Gross), but for now, this is perfectly acceptable.


I don't know what else you'd expect from Sleepless, a serviceable, completely forgettable but fun while you watch it, throwaway mid-budget action film. Definitely one of the least offensive of the genre.


5/10 Dans

Sleepless is out now on Blu-ray and DVD in the UK
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Carrie (2002) - Film Review

Review:

*Originally written February 12th, 2016*

It really surprises me how many times Carrie has been adapted for the screen, out of all the Stephen King's work, Carrie has easily been the most milked, but now I've seen every version there is to offer (Even The Rage: Carrie 2), and I've still to read the book (I will), but out of all the offerings we've had, this is easily the worst.

Originally made to be a pilot episode for a Carrie TV show (How the fuck that was ever going to work, we'll never know), this 2002 adaption tells the same story, but the only twist is we get police interviews intercut throughout the story set after the prom massacre. This brought nothing to the table.  There's some implied city-wide destruction we haven't seen from any other Carrie story, but it was nothing more than an areal shot of some extremely fake looking buildings on fire. 

Everything here was absolutely brutal. It was made for TV and it shows, some truly shocking special effects that look like something from the lowest budget Sci-Fi Channel film ever made. Every performance is terrible, it was also weird to see Claire (The blonde Australian girl, It's been a while since I've watched it, so I'm not sure if that's her name or not) from Lost here. She's bloody tasty though, I'll give here that.

The cheap look of the film makes it almost impossible to take anything seriously. The sudden jump cuts that are made to scare you, come off as hilarious and laughably bad. The cuts where there were ad breaks are also very clear and distracting. 

This is also the longest of all the Carrie adaptions, clocking in at an unbearable 2 hours and 10 minutes. All the other versions are short and well-paced. Here, it feels like an eternity before we get to the infamous prom scene.

The prom scene itself is terrible. After an hour and 40 minutes, I thought, alright, finally, maybe some carnage can redeem this a little. Nope, this was awfully tame and terrible. Nothing had any impact and most of the deaths seemed off-screen or implied. What a fucking joke.


People took a pile of flaming shit on the Chloe Grace Moretz adaption from 2013, but that was fucking Shaft compared to this garbage. There's nothing to recommend here, aside from a few ironic laughs.

1/10 Dans

Carrie is not currently available on Blu-ray or DVD in the UK
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American Animals (2018) - Film Review

Review:

*Originally written August 29th, 2018*

Going into this I wasn't sure what to expect, I'd not seen a single trailer for it and I had no idea what the plot was. Literally, the only information I had was that Evan Peters was in it and there was a lot of positive buzz, which is sometimes the best way to go into something. I was so pleasantly surprised when I started to realise this was going to be a heist film. Sadly though, while this is a decent enough time, I was a bit disappointed. 

American Animals is based on a true story of 4 students who decide to rob the university's library of their rarest books. There is an odd structure to the film that really disrupts the pacing. It constantly cuts back to real interviews with the actual people from the events, giving it a Netflix'ish true crime feel, but it never truly meshes well, making these scenes feel more distracting than insightful.

The best stuff here is easily the characters struggling with their real lives and their repercussions and anxiety about the heist. There's a big deal made about having to take out the elderly woman overseeing the books, which all of the team are uneasy about, despite the constant claims that no one will get hurt. It's an interesting piece of reflection and morality that I wish the film explored more, it spends a lot of time with it, but it really could have gone deeper.

Of the 4 students doing the heist, the only 2 that get real depth are Evan Peters and Barry Keoghan. Peters character being the rebellious one who is only doing his scholarship to please his family. In all honesty, Peters gives a rather excellent performance and by far the best I've seen from him. He's an actor with so much potential, but his career is mostly wasted in that tacky horror show American Horror Story, this guy needs to break out into real films pronto. Keoghan is also decent, not as strong as he was in The Killing of a Sacred Deer, but he's fine. All the other characters feel like an afterthought. 


The heist itself is mostly gripping and tense and things go worse and worse for the characters, despite the small scale of the crime. There is a lot of build up to the heist and I appreciate that, I just wish I had more fun with this, it was just lacking in something and I just can't put my finger on it. I think I might enjoy this more on a rewatch, but for now, American Animals is just a merely decent crime thriller.

6/10 Dans

American Animals is out September 7th in cinemas in the UK

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BlacKkKlansman (2018) - Film Review

Review:

*Originally written August 29th, 2018*

Spike Lee is a director I'm not the most familiar with, I've seen his least critically acclaimed films, the average American remake of Oldboy and the decent (From what I remember) Inside Man, I've yet to see his truly great films, Malcolm X and Do the Right Thing. I went into this with quite high expectations and I was not disappointed. BlacKkKlansman is an angry, angry provocative work of art and possibly the most important film of the year. I left the screening with that same cold feeling of silence I got after seeing Detroit last year.

The story is a fascinating one. A young black cop Ron Stallworth (John David Washington, son of Denzel) goes undercover in the Ku Klux Klan, despite his race. It's an engrossing ride from start to finish and one of the most interesting undercover cop films I've seen in quite some time. Every scene is either tense or has something interesting going on in it, but I was surprised at how genuinely funny it could be at times. Stallworth's phone conversations with David Duke (The Grand Wizard of the KKK) are some of the funniest things I've watched in a while and has a wonderful payoff in the end.

Obviously with Stallworth being black, they have to send in a white cop for the face to face stuff, which leads to some really tense moments. Adam Driver does a wonderful job in these moments and he really is one of the best actors of our generation, I just wish his character had more of an arc, he's more just a tool of the investigation than a real character, which is fine, as this film is more or less all Washington's story. And he puts in an amazing performance, equal parts charming, genuine and cocky, he really lives up to his father's legacy and even has his voice.

What's sad about BlacKkKlansman is just how relevant it is, despite the events happening over 30 years ago. There's a lot of references to Trump's America that fit in well and feel organic while giving the film a real emotional punch. A scene that cuts between a KKK meeting and a Black Power meeting is truly one of the best scenes of the year and the final credit montage is one of ballsiest and powerful endings I can think of. I just did not expect it, but it knocked me down a punch.

Lee really captures the time too, it's filled with references and soul music from the time. There's a little moment where Stallworth and his girlfriend are debating blacksplotation films of the day and it really made me realise I need to check out more of that stuff. Oh, and the clothes and hairstyles are just a joy to look at. We need a resurgence of those in real life.

A lot of what make BlacKkKlansman work is how real it feels. I know it's based on a true story, but I was a little worried they'd do something like turn the KKK into cartoony racists that just say the N word a lot, but they don't. These white supremacists feel like real people and that's a lot scarier. The stuff they say is horrifying and truly awful, it makes me sick that people like this exist. That there are people that believe black people are actually sub-human and that the Holocaust never happened. 


BlacKkKlansman is truly amazing, one of the angriest, political films of the year with excellent performances from everyone and a deep engaging story that leaves you devastated by the end. Fuck racism.

9/10 Dans

BlacKkKlansman is out now in cinemas in the UK
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Fifty Shades Freed (2018) - Film Review

Review:

*Originally written February 23rd, 2018*

We've finally made it, boys. We made it to the end of this god-awful putrid trilogy, whether you watched it out of dedication to your girlfriend/wife, ironic laughs, or if it's just because you hate yourself, it's over. God, I hope so at least. Based on the money this garbage series has made, I wouldn't be surprised if they try to milk this franchise for more.

The series ended like it began, with a poor script, laughably bad plot-twists and some of the most bored acting I've seen in a while. Anastasia Steele and Christian Grey's story is at an end and after three films, these characters have barely changed. I'm honestly not sure what the character arc of these people was meant to be.

Christian Grey is still a complete bore and a controlling sociopath, despite now being married and facing the prospect of children in his life. Anna on the other hand has just become less shy, but is still in love with a complete creep. Honestly, what kind of relationship can last when your husband's reaction to the news you are pregnant happens like it does in this film?

Despite the stars being payed mega money for this garbage franchise, I oddly feel sorry for Jamie Dornan, you can just see the regret in his eyes during every scene. They're vacant with a hint of sadness. He just looks bored and his lack of chemistry with Dakota Johnson, who is still trying with the god-awful script she's reading from, bless her.

For a film series that's about BDSM, the trilogy is at least consistent with delivering the least sexy sex scenes that from been there from the start. It's all remarkably tame and poor. There's a scene with Ben and Jerry's that comes off as just disgusting rather than erotic. I mean, have you ever wanted to see Dakota Johnson lick ice-cream off a hairy nipple? Well, this film might just be for you. Gross.

As much as I'm trashing this garbage display. There is at least a lot of ironic entertainment to come out of this. I found the first hour or so incredibly boring, but once the film bizarrely changes tones into a thriller, I had some of the best laughs I've had all year. The plot-twists and where things go are so bat-shit insane. Things just happen with no reason then with no real consequence. Realism is thrown completely out of the window and is all the more entertaining for it. It's astonishing how incompetent this whole series has been. The last five minutes also include a big moment that feels like it addresses some sort of closure for Christian that I don't think had even been mentioned before?

They also do a complete Spectre plot-twist involving series villain Jack Hyde and the characters reaction to the news is one of utter indifference rather than shock, it was incredible. The last scene even tries to pull at the heart strings of the fans of this series by giving you a highlight reel from all three Shades films before going to credits. Incredible.


Fifty Shades Freed better be the last entry in this series, because I am done. It ended like it started, a poorly acted, disastrously plotted and scripted mess that can only be enjoyed by laughing at it. RIP Fifty Shades. I hope to god everyone involved can move on from this series and forget it ever happened.

1/10 Dans

Fifty Shades Freed is out now in cinemas in the UK
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Loving (2016) - Film Review

Review:

*Originally written February 8th, 2017*

I wasn't massively excited for Loving, the trailers made it seem very Oscar baitey, but I did love Jeff Nichol's other film from 2016 'Midnight Special' so I went in with some expectations. And Loving was far more meaningful and heartfelt that I imagined it would be.

It tells the story of a shameful time in American history. An interracial couple are treated awfully, arrested even purely for the fact they of a different race. It is disgusting and blood boiling seeing and knowing people who love each other were treated like this for such nonsensical reasons.

One of my worries about this is how unsubtle I thought it would be. I imagined the audience would be beaten over the head with the theme of this, but it didn't. It all felt real and the opposite of flashy. It's engaging and meaningful, but quiet and poignant at the same time.

This is mostly due to Joel Edgerton's performance, who was great. He was really quiet, mumbled and subdued. There's no moments of over the top rage and anger, it's all restrained and made it far more believable. Ruth Negga was also fantastic as the wife, really earning her nomination with her sad and strong performance.

I really wish the film dedicated more time to developing the couples relationship. There are some really strong and genuinely moving moments, like a brief scene with them sat on the sofa together laughing at the TV that really got me invested in their love, but there's not a lot of this and most of the film focuses on the variety of different obstacles they have to go through in order to make their marriage legal with the help of a lawyer who takes their case for free.

What I really loved is how unsentimental and unmanipulative this felt. Films like this tend to bash you over the head with big emotional moments, but here it all felt earned and natural. The end is a real gut-punch that I didn't see coming and just a sad bit of reality added to what this couple had to endure. It just left me feeling dead inside.


Loving is a powerful and understated drama with fantastic lead performances and real emotional weight. A really pleasant surprise I didn't see coming.

8/10 Dans

Loving is out now on Blu-ray and DVD in the UK
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