Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen (2009) - Film Review

Review:

*Originally written December 19th, 2016*

While I somewhat enjoyed Michael Bay's first Transformers for an extent, this reignited my fears on why I hate this franchise. All the worst elements of the first ramped up to 11. Due to the success of the first film, I guess they let Bay of the rails as he delivers one of the most annoying and bombastic blockbusters I can think of.

I'll get the small bits of good out the way first. Once again, there is a variety of interesting and technically interesting set-pieces. The action is stylish, fast and oddly brutal at times. While most of the action is decent, this finale is a wet noodle. Completely boring and very lacklustre compared to the LA streets carnage of the first. Although that might be because I had long checked out due to the absurd 150 minute run time.

Optimus Prime being.. fine?

Where Revenge of the Fallen fails horrifically is once again with its characters, run time and awful, awful humour. Bay ramps up the annoying racial stereotypes that plagued the first one. I can't believe any producer thought it was okay to allow him to portray characters like this.

It's also bizarelly overlong. It's insane that this was anywhere near 150 minutes. 2 and a half fucking hours. It would have been fine if it had at least been fun, but it wasn't it's a trainwreck of bombastic garbage. I nearly threw up when I checked how long was left and I was only at the 90 minute mark. Part of me died that I don't think I'll be getting back any time soon.

Along with the misguided racial humour, all the characters are annoying. Shia LeBeouf is once again just a jabbering idiot who got on my nerves with his awkardness. Megan Fox is defined with her opening shot, which is her bent over a bike. Worst of all, the Witwicky family get more screentime is increasingly lame comic scenes. Wanted to see the mum accidentally eat a pot brownie and make a fool or herself? Me neither.

The terrible humour doesn't stop with the characters either. There's some really crude and pathetic shots at jokes which involve things like a small Transformer with a penis for a gun, Megan Fox getting her leg dry humped by a robot and a Decepticon with a massive pair of testicles. This is the most unhinged and demonic Bay has been since the monstrosity that was Bad Boys 2.

Michael Bay leers at Megan Fox with his camera like a disgusting pervert

Revenge of the Fallen even had the balls to try and get some emotional response out the audience with its last act. Like we were meant to feel something when we thought Sam Witwicky had died. It was embarassing. This is a character that's had nearly 5 hours of screentime, but we feel nothing. 

There is nothing to the side characters to even grip on to. I cannot tell you a single thing other than John Turtorro works in a kebab shop after the events of the first. It really makes me sad seeing Turtorro lowered to levels like this.

Yeah, it's awful. Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen is all the worst parts of the first thrown into an absurd run time of 150 minutes of horrific displays of Bay without a leash.

3/10 Dans

Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen is out now on Blu-ray and DVD in the UK
Watch the trailer below:

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