*Originally written January 2nd, 2017*
I don't know how you manage to fuck up a concept as fun as two of the most famous aliens in cinema history going to war with each other? And I don't know how you managed to fuck it up twice? All they seemed to learn from the first one is that it "Needed more gore", so they added a lot in this to make a nasty, mean-spirited film that is more disgusting than fun.
Every character is awful and the cast seems to be led entirely by TV actors. We have Michelle from 24, Half-Sack from Sons of Anarchy, Rickety Cricket from It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia and that guy from True Blood. The performances are serviceable for what this is, but every character is either annoying, one-note or obnoxious. I cannot think of a single memorable character in this shit heap.
In a film about Aliens vs Predators, is there any fun action? I honestly could not tell you. Every scene seems to be shot in unwatchable pitch-black. Who on Earth thought it would be a good idea to the entire last hour in such a way you couldn't tell what was happening? Did they just leave the lens cap on and keep the footage anyway? It would not surprise me if that happened.
Requiem at least ditches the PG-13 rating of the first and goes back to the roots of the R-rated mayhem of the respective franchises, but they go too far with it. There was nothing enjoyable or fun about seeing some random kid get a chestburster early on. Even worse, in a later scene, which is the most disgusting and horrible moment of this whole mess, a pregnant woman is implanted with alien eggs until they hatch and explode out her stomach, killing her unborn child. It was just nasty and served no purpose.
I'm not entirely sure what the story here was? Since the Alien or Predators have no dialogue, it just seems like they're fight in thrown in the middle of some small hick town melodrama which was not interesting in the least. All the different characters have boring side-plots that all end with them meeting up once the creatures start killing people.
I also looked up the meaning of the word "Requiem" and this is what I found:
1. A Mass for the repose of the souls of the dead.
2. a musical composition setting parts of a requiem Mass, or of a similar character.
3. an act or token of remembrance.
What the hell did any of those have to do with this film? I'm pretty sure a producer just thought it sounded cool and added it as the subtitle without any further thought. God, this was a mess. I'm even complaining about the title.
Please reboot the Alien Vs Predator franchise with a decent team behind it. There is a lot of potential here with two huge and expanded universes to explore, and this is what we get? The fuck, man.
2/10 Dans
Aliens vs Predator: Requiem is out now on Blu-ray and DVD in the UK
Watch the trailer below:
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