Saturday, 17 June 2017

Handsome: A Netflix Mystery Movie (2017) - Film Review


*Originally written June 17th, 2017*


I love Jeff Garlin in Curb, but this is just pathetic. Another piss-poor Netflix Original in their catalogue of slightly higher budget direct-to-DVD films. Handsome has its moments, but ultimately feels like an extended pilot for a garbage police comedy procedural.

There is nothing to this film. It's a generic and unfunny police comedy that has a bit of wacky content, but lacks any kind of style or voice. It looks like shit, ugly TV lighting, the most cinematic part about it is the fact it's wide-screen. Watch five minutes of this, then five minutes of No Country for Old Men, that's what a real film looks like. Not this fucking trash-fire.

Jeff Garlin's lead character is woefully bland and boring, a lonely cop on the verge of retirement, who is in love with his new neighbour and is put in the middle of a murder mystery with his partner (Natasha Lyonne, on of the film's only highlights). The mystery is not compelling in the slightest. It really does feel like an episode of TV, everything is wrapped up, but leaves the world open for more. Like a TV pilot seriously.

It is at least mercifully short at only 80 minutes, but still feels really long, mostly due to how ugly and uninteresting this whole thing is. Barely any of the humour lands either, which is even more disappointing considering this was also written and directed by Jeff Garlin, someone I know is capable of comedic greatness.

I hope after Netflix's shake-around with the cancellation of a few of their big TV shows, it leads to them sorting out whatever the fuck is going on with their atrocious original film content. Their hit rate with films is about 1 in 10 by this point. It's embarrassing.

Remember 2 years ago when we got Beasts of No Nation? Yeah, well that was 2 fucking years ago and the gold standard of Netflix films seems to be shit like this. I wouldn't fucking be surprised if they fucking bought the rights to produce Paul Blart: Mall Cop 3 at this point. Oh... Shit. I just figured out their next deal will be a four film contract with Kevin James. Dear fucking Christ.

There was a time where cinemas were worried about Netflix killing cinema by producing their own films. They don't need to worry, if their content keeps up like this, then people will be fleeing to the cinema to see new releases in order to escape from Netflix's garbage Originals.

4/10 Dans

Handsome: A Netflix Mystery Movie is streaming now on Netflix in the UK
Watch the trailer below:

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