Tuesday, 30 May 2017

Baywatch (2017) - Film Review


*Originally written May 30th, 2017*

There seems to have been a big disconnect with me and critically panned films in 2017. I was mostly positive about Assassin's Creed, Pirates of the Carribean 5 and King Arthur, and I was expecting the same with Baywatch, but I was wrong. The critics are pretty right about this one. Baywatch is a soulless, boring chore that lacks a lot of laughs.

It works as a reboot and sequel to the TV show (Which I never watched) and follows a lifeguard played by Dwayne 'The Rock' Johnson as he has to save his beach from day to day crimes, a new convoluted drug plot and train a new wave of members to the lifeguard team.

Many people were expecting a Jump Street level sort of film, which is what I also expected, but it missed a lot of what made Jump Street great. Sure, it's an R-rated comedy based on an '80s TV show, but it lacks the heart and character that made Jump Street great. Oh, it's full of crude humour.

The lifeguards of Baywatch
What surprised me most is just how little they do with its R rating. There's plenty of uses of "Fuck" and variations, but there's a real lack of nudity, which is a shame considering you have Alexandra Daddario and Kelly Rohrback (Two absurd people that I can't understand how they exist through genetics. They must have been made by some mad scientist in a lab trying to create the perfect human being, and damn, he came close). The only real nudity is in the form of a dead guy's dick. Which was more disturbing and disgusting than it was funny. It reminded me a lot of the equally uncomfortable morgue scene from Bad Boys 2, but nowehere near as tasteless.

As a comedy, it fails pretty hard. There is the odd funny moment (The Hoff's cameo is wonderful) scattered throughout the film, but most of it just mostly crude and lame. My favourite stuff was chemistry between Efron and Johnson who are both always reliable and extremely likeable. Dwayne Johnson makes charisma look effortless. I did also love the variations of mini Dwayne Johnson's in the aqarium of his character's home. Have to get it props for having outtakes in the closing credits. Have not seen that in a long time.

The absurdly attractive women of Baywatch
As an action film, Baywatch fails even harder. All the action is lame and uninspired and poorly shot. The CGI is some of the worst I've seen for a moderately budgeted film and the plot is widely uninterested. It doesn't help this whole thing goes on far too long for a comedy like this. Maybe at 90 minutes this could have been easier to stomach, but at 2 hours, it felt like it would never end.

That's Baywatch, one of my biggest disappointments of 2017 so far. An overlong, mostly unfunny, boring and misguided adaptation. What a waste of such a talented cast.

3/10 Dans

Baywatch is out now in cinemas in the UK
Watch the trailer below:

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